diff --git a/README.md b/README.md index eb45a35..70ed6dc 100644 --- a/README.md +++ b/README.md @@ -1,6 +1,15 @@ -# heffalump -Heffalump is an endless honeypot that gives malicious bots nightmares. To use, in your robots.txt tell robots not to go to a certain URL, which heffalump is reverse proxying. Any web agent that does go to the URL will receive an endless stream of random data, which will overflow its memory and/or storage if it doesn't have a max buffer size set. +# Heffalump +Heffalump is an endless honeypot that gives malicious bots nightmares. To use, in your robots.txt tell robots not to go to a certain URL, which heffalump is reverse proxying. Any web agent that does go to the URL will receive an endless stream of random data, which will overflow its memory and/or storage if it doesn't have a max buffer size set or at the very least severely waste its time. -## Todo +The source of the honeypot data is [Once On a Time](http://www.gutenberg.org/files/27771/27771-h/27771-h.htm), one of A. A. Milne's most beloved and most public domain works. -Everything. I'm starting this repo just to make myself remember the idea. +## Usage +Usage of heffalump: + +heffalump [ []] + + heffalump serves an endless HTTP honeypot + + defaults to ":8080". + + defaults to "/". Paths ending in "/" will match all sub-pathes. diff --git a/heff/http.go b/heff/http.go new file mode 100644 index 0000000..459cfec --- /dev/null +++ b/heff/http.go @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +package heff + +import "net/http" + +func Honeypot(w http.ResponseWriter, r *http.Request) { + for { + Generate(w, 10000) + } +} diff --git a/heff/markov.go b/heff/markov.go new file mode 100644 index 0000000..80525fa --- /dev/null +++ b/heff/markov.go @@ -0,0 +1,95 @@ +package heff + +import ( + "bufio" + "fmt" + "io" + "math/rand" + "strings" + "unicode" + "unicode/utf8" +) + +// ScanHTML is a basic split function for a Scanner that returns each +// space-separated word of text or HTML tag, with surrounding spaces deleted. +// It will never return an empty string. The definition of space is set by +// unicode.IsSpace. +func ScanHTML(data []byte, atEOF bool) (advance int, token []byte, err error) { + // Skip leading spaces. + var r rune + start := 0 + for width := 0; start < len(data); start += width { + r, width = utf8.DecodeRune(data[start:]) + if !unicode.IsSpace(r) { + break + } + } + if r == '<' { + // Scan until closing bracket + for i := start; i < len(data); i++ { + if data[i] == '>' { + return i + 1, data[start : i+1], nil + } + } + } else { + // Scan until space, marking end of word. + for width, i := 0, start; i < len(data); i += width { + var r rune + r, width = utf8.DecodeRune(data[i:]) + if unicode.IsSpace(r) { + return i + width, data[start:i], nil + } + if r == '<' { + return i, data[start:i], nil + } + } + } + // If we're at EOF, we have a final, non-empty, non-terminated word. Return it. + if atEOF && len(data) > start { + return len(data), data[start:], nil + } + // Request more data. + return start, nil, nil +} + +const ( + nprefix = 2 + nonword = "\n" +) + +type tokenPair [nprefix]string + +var markov = make(map[tokenPair][]string) + +func init() { + var w1, w2 = nonword, nonword + var p tokenPair + + s := bufio.NewScanner(strings.NewReader(Src)) + s.Split(ScanHTML) + for s.Scan() { + t := s.Text() + p = tokenPair{w1, w2} + markov[p] = append(markov[p], t) + w1, w2 = w2, t + } + + p = tokenPair{w1, w2} + markov[p] = append(markov[p], nonword) +} + +func Generate(w io.Writer, maxgen int) { + var w1, w2 = nonword, nonword + + for i := 0; i < maxgen; i++ { + p := tokenPair{w1, w2} + suffix := markov[p] + r := rand.Intn(len(suffix)) + t := suffix[r] + if t == nonword { + break + } + fmt.Fprint(w, t, "\n") + w1, w2 = w2, t + } +} diff --git a/heff/src.go b/heff/src.go new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e059be3 --- /dev/null +++ b/heff/src.go @@ -0,0 +1,11705 @@ +package heff + +const Src = ` +

+ONCE ON A TIME +

+ +

+By +

+ +

+A.A. Milne +

+ +


+ +

+DECORATED
+BY CHARLES
+ROBINSON +

+ +
+ +

+GROSSET & DUNLAP
+Publishers          New York
+By Arrangement with G. P. Putnam's Sons +

+ +
+

[Illustration: Copyright page decoration of a dark-haired girl in medieval garb]

+ +
+ +
+Copyright, 1922 +
+by +
+A. A. Milne +
+ +
+ +
+

[Illustration: A young blonde girl in medieval garb]

+ +

+PREFACE +

+ +

+This book was written in 1915, for the amusement of my wife and myself +at a time when life was not very amusing; it was published at the end +of 1917; was reviewed, if at all, as one of a parcel, by some brisk +uncle from the Tiny Tots Department; and died quietly, without +seriously detracting from the interest which was being taken in the +World War, then in progress. +

+ +

+It may be that the circumstances in which the book was written have +made me unduly fond of it. When, as sometimes happens, I am +introduced to a stranger who starts the conversation on the right +lines by praising, however insincerely, my books, I always say, "But +you have not read the best one." Nine times out of ten it is so. The +tenth takes a place in the family calendar; St. Michael or St. Agatha, +as the case may be, a red-letter or black-letter saint, according to +whether the book was bought or borrowed. But there are few such +saints, and both my publisher and I have the feeling (so common to +publishers and authors) that there ought to be more. So here comes +the book again, in a new dress, with new decorations, yet much, as far +as I am concerned, the same book, making the same appeal to me; but, +let us hope, a new appeal, this time, to others. +

+ +

+For whom, then, is the book intended? That is the trouble. Unless I +can say, "For those, young or old, who like the things which I like," +I find it difficult to answer. Is it a children's book? Well, what +do we mean by that? Is The Wind in the Willows a children's book? +Is Alice in Wonderland? Is Treasure Island? These are +masterpieces which we read with pleasure as children, but with how +much more pleasure when we are grown-up. In any case what do we mean +by "children"? A boy of three, a girl of six, a boy of ten, a girl of +fourteen—are they all to like the same thing? And is a book +"suitable for a boy of twelve" any more likely to please a boy of +twelve than a modern novel is likely to please a man of thirty-seven; +even if the novel be described truly as "suitable for a man of +thirty-seven"? I confess that I cannot grapple with these difficult +problems. +

+ +

+But I am very sure of this: that no one can write a book which +children will like, unless he write it for himself first. That being +so, I shall say boldly that this is a story for grown-ups. How +grown-up I did not realise until I received a letter from an unknown +reader a few weeks after its first publication; a letter which said +that he was delighted with my clever satires of the Kaiser, Mr. Lloyd +George and Mr. Asquith, but he could not be sure which of the +characters were meant to be Mr. Winston Churchill and Mr. Bonar Law. +Would I tell him on the enclosed postcard? I replied that they were +thinly disguised on the title-page as Messrs. Hodder & Stoughton. In +fact, it is not that sort of book. +

+ +

+But, as you see, I am still finding it difficult to explain just what +sort of book it is. Perhaps no explanation is necessary. Read in it +what you like; read it to whomever you like; be of what age you like; +it can only fall into one of two classes. Either you will enjoy it, +or you won't. +

+ +

+It is that sort of book. +

+ +

+A. A. Milne. +

+ +

+ +

[Illustration: Contents page decoration of a child bent over a large boot]

+ +

+ +

+CONTENTS +

+ +

+I.—The King of Euralia has a Visitor to Breakfast +

+ +

+II.—The Chancellor of Barodia has a Long Walk Home +

+ +

+III.—The King of Euralia Draws his Sword +

+ +

+IV.—The Princess Hyacinth Leaves it to the Countess +

+ +

+V.—Belvane Indulges her Hobby +

+ +

+VI.—There are no Wizards in Barodia +

+ +

+VII.—The Princess Receives a Letter and Writes One +

+ +

+VIII.—Prince Udo Sleeps Badly +

+ +

+IX.—They are Afraid of Udo +

+ +

+X.—Charlotte Patacake Astonishes the Critics +

+ +

+XI.—Watercress Seems to go with the Ears +

+ +

+XII.—We Decide to Write to Udo's Father +

+ +

+XIII.—"Pink" Rhymes with "Think" +

+ +

+XIV.—"Why Can't you be like Wiggs?" +

+ +

+XV.—There is a Lover Waiting for Hyacinth +

+ +

+XVI.—Belvane Enjoys Herself +

+ +

+XVII.—The King of Barodia Drops the Whisker Habit +

+ +

+XVIII.—The Veteran of the Forest Entertains Two Very Young People +

+ +

+XIX.—Udo Behaves Like a Gentleman +

+ +

+XX.—Coronel Knows a Good Story when he Hears it +

+ +

+XXI.—A Serpent Coming after Udo +

+ +

+XXII.—The Seventeen Volumes go back Again +

+

+

+[Illustration: A dark-haired girl in medieval garb in a pastoral scene]

+ +

+ +

+ILLUSTRATIONS +

+ +

+ +A Map of Euralia showing the Adjacent Country of Barodia and the +far-distant Araby + +

+ +

+ +He was a Man of Simple Tastes + +

+ +

+ +"Most extraordinary," said the King +

+ +

+ +He found the King nursing a Bent Whisker and in the very Vilest of Tempers + +

+ +

+ +"Try it on me," cried the Countess +

+ +

+ +Five Times he had come back to give her his Last Instructions +

+ +

+ +Armed to the Teeth, Amazon after Amazon marched by +

+ +

+ +When the Respective Armies returned to Camp they found Their Majesties +asleep +

+ +

+ +The Rabbit was gone, and there was a Fairy in front of her +

+ +

+ +As Evening fell they came to a Woodman's Cottage at the Foot of a High +Hill +

+ +

+ +"Coronel, here I am," said Udo pathetically, and he stepped out +

+ +

+ +Twenty-one Minutes later Henrietta Crossbuns was acknowledging a Bag +of Gold + +

+ +

+ +Princess Hyacinth gave a Shriek and faltered slowly backwards + +

+ +

+ +"Now we can talk," said Hyacinth + +

+ +

+ +He forgot his Manners, and made a Jump towards her + +

+ +

+ +She glided gracefully behind the Sundial in a Pretty Affectation of +Alarm + +

+ +

+ +When anybody of Superior Station or Age came into the Room she rose +and curtsied + +

+ +

+ +And then she danced + +

+ +

+ +"Good Morning," said Belvane + +

+ +

+ +The Tent seemed to swim before his Eyes, and he knew no more + +

+ +

+ +She turned round and went off daintily down the Hill + +

+ +

+ +Let me present to you my friend the Duke Coronel + +

+ +

+ +As the Towers of the Castle came in sight, Merriwig drew a Deep Breath +of Happiness + +

+ +

+ +Belvane leading the Way with her Finger to her Lips + +

+ +

+ +Merriwig following with an Exaggerated Caution + +

+ +

+ +He was a Pleasant-looking Person, with a Round Clean-shaven Face + +

+ +

+ +Roger Scurvilegs + +

+

Illustration: End of Illustration List Decoration

+ +


+ +

+Illustration: Page 1 Decoration +

+

+ +

+ +[Frontispiece: A Map of Euralia showing the Adjacent Country of Barodia and the far-distant Araby]

+ +


+ +

+ + +[Illustration: He was a Man of Simple Tastes] +

+ + +

+CHAPTER I +

+ +

+THE KING OF EURALIA HAS A VISITOR TO BREAKFAST +

+ + +

+King Merriwig of Euralia sat at breakfast on his castle walls. He +lifted the gold cover from the gold dish in front of him, selected a +trout and conveyed it carefully to his gold plate. He was a man of +simple tastes, but when you have an aunt with the newly acquired gift +of turning anything she touches to gold, you must let her practise +sometimes. In another age it might have been fretwork. +

+ +

+"Ah," said the King, "here you are, my dear." He searched for his +napkin, but the Princess had already kissed him lightly on the top of +the head, and was sitting in her place opposite to him. +

+ +

+"Good morning, Father," she said; "I'm a little late, aren't I? I've +been riding in the forest." +

+ +

+"Any adventures?" asked the King casually. +

+ +

+"Nothing, except it's a beautiful morning." +

+ +

+"Ah, well, perhaps the country isn't what it was. Now when I was a +young man, you simply couldn't go into the forest without an adventure +of some sort. The extraordinary things one encountered! Witches, +giants, dwarfs——. It was there that I first met your mother," he +added thoughtfully. +

+ +

+"I wish I remembered my mother," said Hyacinth. +

+ +

+The King coughed and looked at her a little nervously. +

+ +

+"Seventeen years ago she died, Hyacinth, when you were only six months +old. I have been wondering lately whether I haven't been a little +remiss in leaving you motherless so long." +

+ +

+The Princess looked puzzled. "But it wasn't your fault, dear, that +mother died." +

+ +

+"Oh, no, no, I'm not saying that. As you know, a dragon carried her +off and—well, there it was. But supposing"—he looked at her +shyly—"I had married again." +

+ +

+The Princess was startled. +

+ +

+"Who?" she asked. +

+ +

+The King peered into his flagon. "Well," he said, "there are +people." +

+ +

+"If it had been somebody very nice," said the Princess wistfully, +"it might have been rather lovely." +

+ +

+The King gazed earnestly at the outside of his flagon. +

+ +

+"Why 'might have been?'" he said. +

+ +

+The Princess was still puzzled. "But I'm grown up," she said; "I +don't want a mother so much now." +

+ +

+The King turned his flagon round and studied the other side of it. +

+ +

+"A mother's—er—tender hand," he said, "is—er—never——" and then +the outrageous thing happened. +

+ +

+It was all because of a birthday present to the King of Barodia, and +the present was nothing less than a pair of seven-league boots. The +King being a busy man, it was a week or more before he had an +opportunity of trying those boots. Meanwhile he used to talk about +them at meals, and he would polish them up every night before he went +to bed. When the great day came for the first trial of them to be +made, he took a patronising farewell of his wife and family, ignored +the many eager noses pressed against the upper windows of the Palace, +and sailed off. The motion, as perhaps you know, is a little +disquieting at first, but one soon gets used to it. After that it is +fascinating. He had gone some two thousand miles before he realised +that there might be a difficulty about finding his way back. The +difficulty proved at least as great as he had anticipated. For the +rest of that day he toured backwards and forwards across the country; +and it was by the merest accident that a very angry King shot in +through an open pantry window in the early hours of the morning. He +removed his boots and went softly to bed. . . . +

+ +

+It was, of course, a lesson to him. He decided that in the future he +must proceed by a recognised route, sailing lightly from landmark to +landmark. Such a route his Geographers prepared for him—an early +morning constitutional, of three hundred miles or so, to be taken ten +times before breakfast. He gave himself a week in which to recover +his nerve and then started out on the first of them. +

+ +

+ + + +

+ +

+Now the Kingdom of Euralia adjoined that of Barodia, but whereas +Barodia was a flat country, Euralia was a land of hills. It was +natural then that the Court Geographers, in search of landmarks, +should have looked towards Euralia; and over Euralia accordingly, +about the time when cottage and castle alike were breakfasting, the +King of Barodia soared and dipped and soared and dipped again. +

+ +

+      * * * * *
+

+ +

+"A mother's tender hand," said the King of Euralia, +"is—er—never—good gracious! What's that?" +

+ +

+There was a sudden rush of air; something came for a moment between +his Majesty and the sun; and then all was quiet again. +

+ +

+"What was it?" asked Hyacinth, slightly alarmed. +

+ +

+"Most extraordinary," said the King. "It left in my mind an +impression of ginger whiskers and large boots. Do we know anybody +like that?" +

+ +

+"The King of Barodia," said Hyacinth, "has red whiskers, but I don't +know about his boots." +

+ +

+"But what could he have been doing up there? Unless——" +

+ +

+There was another rush of wind in the opposite direction; once more +the sun was obscured, and this time, plain for a moment for all to +see, appeared the rapidly dwindling back view of the King of Barodia +on his way home to breakfast. +

+ +

+Merriwig rose with dignity. +

+ +

+"You're quite right, Hyacinth," he said sternly; "it was the King of +Barodia." +

+ +

+Hyacinth looked troubled. +

+ +

+"He oughtn't to come over anybody's breakfast table quite so quickly +as that. Ought he, Father?" +

+ +

+"A lamentable display of manners, my dear. I shall withdraw now and +compose a stiff note to him. The amenities must be observed." +

+ +

+Looking as severe as a naturally jovial face would permit him, and +wondering a little if he had pronounced "amenities" right, he strode +to the library. +

+ +

+The library was his Majesty's favourite apartment. Here in the +mornings he would discuss affairs of state with his Chancellor, or +receive any distinguished visitors who were to come to his kingdom in +search of adventure. Here in the afternoon, with a copy of What to +say to a Wizard or some such book taken at random from the shelves, +he would give himself up to meditation. +

+ +

+And it was the distinguished visitors of the morning who gave him most +to think about in the afternoon. There were at this moment no fewer +than seven different Princes engaged upon seven different enterprises, +to whom, in the event of a successful conclusion, he had promised the +hand of Hyacinth and half his kingdom. No wonder he felt that she +needed the guiding hand of a mother. +

+ +

+The stiff note to Barodia was not destined to be written. He was +still hesitating between two different kinds of nib, when the door was +flung open and the fateful name of the Countess Belvane was announced. +

+ +

+The Countess Belvane! What can I say which will bring home to you +that wonderful, terrible, fascinating woman? Mastered as she was by +overweening ambition, utterly unscrupulous in her methods of achieving +her purpose, none the less her adorable humanity betrayed itself in a +passion for diary-keeping and a devotion to the simpler forms of +lyrical verse. That she is the villain of the piece I know well; in +his Euralia Past and Present the eminent historian, Roger +Scurvilegs, does not spare her; but that she had her great qualities I +should be the last to deny. +

+ +

+She had been writing poetry that morning, and she wore green. She +always wore green when the Muse was upon her: a pleasing habit which, +whether as a warning or an inspiration, modern poets might do well to +imitate. She carried an enormous diary under her arm; and in her mind +several alternative ways of putting down her reflections on her way to +the Palace. +

+ +

+"Good morning, dear Countess," said the King, rising only too gladly +from his nibs; "an early visit." +

+ +

+"You don't mind, your Majesty?" said the Countess anxiously. "There +was a point in our conversation yesterday about which I was not quite +certain——" +

+ +

+"What were we talking about yesterday?" +

+ +

+"Oh, your Majesty," said the Countess, "affairs of state," and she +gave him that wicked, innocent, impudent, and entirely scandalous look +which he never could resist, and you couldn't either for that matter. +

+ +

+"Affairs of state, of course," smiled the King. +

+ +

+"Why, I made a special note of it in my diary." +

+ +

+She laid down the enormous volume and turned lightly over the pages. +

+ +

+"Here we are! 'Thursday. His Majesty did me the honour to consult +me about the future of his daughter, the Princess Hyacinth. Remained +to tea and was very——' I can't quite make this word out." +

+ +

+"Let me look," said the King, his rubicund face becoming yet more +rubicund. "It looks like 'charming,'" he said casually. +

+ +

+"Fancy!" said Belvane. "Fancy my writing that! I put down just what +comes into my head at the time, you know." She made a gesture with +her hand indicative of some one who puts down just what comes into her +head at the time, and returned to her diary. "'Remained to tea, and +was very charming. Mused afterwards on the mutability of life!'" She +looked up at him with wide-open eyes. "I often muse when I'm alone," +she said. +

+ +

+The King still hovered over the diary. +

+ +

+"Have you any more entries like—like that last one? May I look?" +

+ +

+"Oh, your Majesty! I'm afraid it's quite private." She closed the +book quickly. +

+ +

+"I just thought I saw some poetry," said the King. +

+ +

+"Just a little ode to a favourite linnet. It wouldn't interest your +Majesty." +

+ +

+"I adore poetry," said the King, who had himself written a rhymed +couplet which could be said either forwards or backwards, and in the +latter position was useful for removing enchantments. According to +the eminent historian, Roger Scurvilegs, it had some vogue in Euralia +and went like this: +

+ +

+ "Bo, boll, bill, bole.
+  Wo, woll, will, wole."
+

+ +

+A pleasing idea, temperately expressed. +

+ +

+The Countess, of course, was only pretending. Really she was longing +to read it. "It's quite a little thing," she said. +

+ +

+ "Hail to thee, blithe linnet,
+     Bird thou clearly art,
+  That from bush or in it
+     Pourest thy full heart!
+  And leads the feathered choir in song
+     Taking the treble part."
+

+ +

+"Beautiful," said the King, and one must agree with him. Many years +after, another poet called Shelley plagiarised the idea, but handled +it in a more artificial, and, to my way of thinking, decidedly +inferior manner. +

+ +

+"Was it a real bird?" said the King. +

+ +

+"An old favourite." +

+ +

+"Was it pleased about it?" +

+ +

+"Alas, your Majesty, it died without hearing it." +

+ +

+"Poor bird!" said his Majesty; "I think it would have liked it." +

+ +

+Meanwhile Hyacinth, innocent of the nearness of a mother, remained on +the castle walls and tried to get on with her breakfast. But she made +little progress with it. After all, it is annoying continually to +look up from your bacon, or whatever it is, and see a foreign monarch +passing overhead. Eighteen more times the King of Barodia took +Hyacinth in his stride. At the end of the performance, feeling rather +giddy, she went down to her father. +

+ +

+She found him alone in the library, a foolish smile upon his face, but +no sign of a letter to Barodia in front of him. +

+ +

+"Have you sent the Note yet?" she asked. +

+ +

+"Note? Note?" he said, bewildered, "what—oh, you mean the Stiff Note +to the King of Barodia? I'm just planning it, my love. The exact +shade of stiffness, combined with courtesy, is a little difficult to +hit." +

+ +

+"I shouldn't be too courteous," said Hyacinth; "he came over eighteen +more times after you'd gone." +

+ +

+"Eighteen, eighteen, eight—my dear, it's outrageous." +

+ +

+"I've never had such a crowded breakfast before." +

+ +

+"It's positively insulting, Hyacinth. This is no occasion for Notes. +We will talk to him in a language that he will understand." +

+ +

+And he went out to speak to the Captain of his Archers. +

+

+[Illustration: Decoration of a pile of books] +

+ + +


+

+ + +

+ +

+CHAPTER II +

+ +

+THE CHANCELLOR OF BARODIA HAS A LONG WALK HOME +

+ + +

+Once more it was early morning on the castle walls. +

+ +

+The King sat at his breakfast table, a company of archers drawn up in +front of him. +

+ +

+"Now you all understand," he said. "When the King of Baro—when a +certain—well, when I say 'when,' I want you all to fire your arrows +into the air. You are to take no aim; you are just to shoot your +arrows upwards, and—er—I want to see who gets highest. Should +anything—er—should anything brush up against them on their way—not +of course that it's likely—well, in that case—er—in that case +something will—er—brush up against them. After all, what should?" +

+ +

+"Quite so, Sire," said the Captain, "or rather, not at all." +

+ +

+"Very well. To your places." +

+ +

+Each archer fitted an arrow to his bow and took up his position. A +look-out man had been posted. Everything was ready. +

+ +

+The King was decidedly nervous. He wandered from one archer to +another asking after this man's wife and family, praising the polish +on that man's quiver, or advising him to stand with his back a little +more to the sun. Now and then he would hurry off to the look-out man +on a distant turret, point out Barodia on the horizon to him, and +hurry back again. +

+ +

+The look-out knew all about it. +

+ +

+"Royalty over," he bellowed suddenly. +

+ +

+"When!" roared the King, and a cloud of arrows shot into the air. +

+ +

+"Well done!" cried Hyacinth, clapping her hands. "I mean, how could +you? You might have hurt him." +

+ +

+"Hyacinth," said the King, turning suddenly; "you here?" +

+ +

+"I have just come up. Did you hit him?" +

+ +

+"Hit who?" +

+ +

+"The King of Barodia, of course." +

+ +

+"The King of—— My dear child, what could the King of Barodia be +doing here? My archers were aiming at a hawk that they saw in the +distance." He beckoned to the Captain. "Did you hit that hawk?" he +asked. +

+ +

+"With one shot only, Sire. In the whisk—in the tail feathers." +

+ +

+The King turned to Hyacinth. +

+ +

+"With one shot only in the whisk—in the tail feathers," he said. +"What was it, my dear, that you were saying about the King of +Barodia?" +

+ +

+"Oh, Father, you are bad. You hit the poor man right in the whisker." +

+ +

+"His Majesty of Barodia! And in the whisker! My dear child, this is +terrible! But what can he have been doing up there? Dear, dear, this +is really most unfortunate. I must compose a note of apology about +this." +

+ +

+"I should leave the first note to him," said Hyacinth. +

+ +

+"Yes, yes, you're right. No doubt he will wish to explain how he came +to be there. Just a moment, dear." +

+ +

+He went over to his archers, who were drawn up in line +again. +

+ +

+"You may take your men down now," he said to the Captain. +

+ +

+"Yes, your Majesty." +

+ +

+His Majesty looked quickly round the castle walls, and then leant +confidentially towards the Captain. +

+ +

+"Er—which was the man who—er"— he fingered his cheek—"er—quite +so. The one on the left? Ah, yes." He went to the man on the left +and put a bag of gold into his hand. +

+ +

+"You have a very good style with the bow, my man. Your wrist action +is excellent. I have never seen an arrow go so high." +

+ +

+The company saluted and withdrew. The King and Hyacinth sat down to +breakfast. +

+ +

+"A little mullet, my dear?" he said. +

+ +

+     * * * * *
+

+ +

+The Hereditary Grand Chancellor of Barodia never forgot that morning, +nor did he allow his wife to forget it. His opening, "That reminds +me, dear, of the day when——" though the signal of departure for any +guests, allowed no escape for his family. They had to have it. +

+ +

+And indeed it was a busy day for him. Summoned to the Palace at nine +o'clock, he found the King nursing a bent whisker and in the very +vilest of tempers. His Majesty was for war at once, the Chancellor +leant towards the Stiff Note. +

+ +

+"At least, your Majesty," he begged, "let me consult the precedents +first." +

+ +

+"There is no precedent," said the King coldly, "for such an outrage as +this." +

+ +

+"Not precisely, Sire; but similar unfortunate occurrences +have—occurred." +

+ +

+"It was worse than an occurrence." +

+ +

+"I should have said an outrage, your Majesty. Your late lamented +grandfather was unfortunate enough to come beneath the spell of the +King of Araby, under which he was compelled—or perhaps I should say +preferred—to go about on his hands and knees for several weeks. Your +Majesty may recall how the people in their great loyalty adopted a +similar mode of progression. Now although your Majesty's case is not +precisely on all fours——" +

+ +

+"Not at all on all fours," said the King coldly. +

+ +

+"An unfortunate metaphor; I should say that although your Majesty's +case is not parallel, the procedure adopted in your revered +grandfather's case——" +

+ +

+"I don't care what you do with your whiskers; I don't care what +anybody does with his whiskers," said the King, still soothing his +own tenderly; "I want the King of Euralia's blood." He looked round +the Court. "To any one who will bring me the head of the King, I will +give the hand of my daughter in marriage." +

+ +

+There was a profound silence. . . . +

+ +

+"Which daughter?" said a cautious voice at last. +

+ +

+"The eldest," said the King. +

+ +

+There was another profound silence. . . . +

+ +

+[Illustration: He found the King nursing a bent whisker and in the +very vilest of tempers, verso][Illustration: He found the King +nursing a bent whisker and in the very vilest of tempers, recto] +

+ +

+"My suggestion, your Majesty," said the Chancellor, "is that for the +present there should be merely an exchange of Stiff Notes; and that +meanwhile we scour the kingdom for an enchanter who shall take some +pleasant revenge for us upon his Majesty of Euralia. For instance, +Sire, a king whose head has been permanently fixed on upside-down +lacks somewhat of that regal dignity which alone can command the +respect of his subjects. A couple of noses, again, placed at +different angles, so they cannot both be blown together——" +

+ +

+"Yes, yes," said the King impatiently, "I'll think of the things, if +once you can find the enchanter. But they are not so common nowadays. +Besides, enchanters are delicate things to work with. They have a +habit of forgetting which side they are on." +

+ +

+The Chancellor's mouth drooped piteously. +

+ +

+"Well," said the King condescendingly, "I'll tell you what we'll do. +You may send one Stiff Note and then we will declare war." +

+ +

+"Thank you, your Majesty," said the Chancellor. +

+ +

+So the Stiff Note was dispatched. It pointed out that his Majesty of +Barodia, while in the act of taking his early morning constitutional, +had been severely insulted by an arrow. This arrow, though +fortunately avoiding the more vital parts of his Majesty's person, +went so far as to wound a favourite whisker. For this the fullest +reparation must be made . . . and so forth and so on. +

+ +

+Euralia's reply was not long delayed. It expressed the deepest +concern at the unhappy accident which had overtaken a friendly +monarch. On the morning in question, his Majesty had been testing his +archers in a shooting competition at a distant hawk; which +competition, it might interest his Majesty of Barodia to know, had +been won by Henry Smallnose, a bowman of considerable promise. In the +course of the competition it was noticed that a foreign body of some +sort brushed up against one of the arrows, but as this in no way +affected the final placing of the competitors, little attention was +paid to it. His Majesty of Barodia might rest assured that the King +had no wish to pursue the matter farther. Indeed, he was always glad +to welcome his Barodian Majesty on these occasions. Other shooting +competitions would be arranged from time to time, and if his Majesty +happened to be passing at the moment, the King of Euralia hoped that +he would come down and join them. Trusting that her Majesty and their +Royal Highnesses were well, . . . and so on and so forth. +

+ +

+The Grand Chancellor of Barodia read this answer to his Stiff Note +with a growing feeling of uneasiness. It was he who had exposed his +Majesty to this fresh insult; and, unless he could soften it in some +way, his morning at the Palace might be a painful one. +

+ +

+As he entered the precincts, he wondered whether the King would be +wearing the famous boots, and whether they kicked seven leagues as +easily as they strode them. He felt more and more that there were +notes which you could break gently, and notes which you +couldn't. . . . +

+ +

+Five minutes later, as he started on his twenty-one mile walk home, he +realised that this was one of the ones which you couldn't. +

+ +

+     * * * * *
+

+ +

+This, then, was the real reason of the war between Euralia and +Barodia. I am aware that in saying this I differ from the eminent +historian, Roger Scurvilegs. In Chapter IX of his immortal work, +Euralia Past and Present, he attributes the quarrel between the two +countries to quite other causes. The King of Barodia, he says, +demanded the hand of the Princess Hyacinth for his eldest son. The +King of Euralia made some commonplace condition as that his Royal +Highness should first ride his horse up a glassy mountain in the +district, a condition which his Majesty of Barodia strongly resented. +I am afraid that Roger is incurably romantic; I have had to speak to +him about it before. There was nothing of the sentimental in the whole +business, and the facts are exactly as I have narrated them. +

+

[Illustration: End of chapter decoration. Looks to be Belvane reading her diary, but it is very small.] + + + + +


+

+ +[Illustration: Detail of Merriwig from next large drawing] +

+ +

+CHAPTER III +

+ +

+THE KING OF EURALIA DRAWS HIS SWORD +

+ +

+No doubt you have already guessed that it was the Countess Belvane who +dictated the King of Euralia's answer. Left to himself, Merriwig +would have said, "Serve you jolly well right for stalking over my +kingdom." His repartee was never very subtle. Hyacinth would have +said, "Of course we're awfully sorry, but a whisker isn't very +bad, is it? and you really oughtn't to come to breakfast without +being asked." The Chancellor would have scratched his head for a long +time, and then said, "Referring to Chap VII, Para 259 of the King's +Regulations we notice . . ." +

+ +

+But Belvane had her own way of doing things; and if you suggest that +she wanted to make Barodia's declaration of war inevitable, well, the +story will show whether you are right in supposing that she had her +reasons. It came a little hard on the Chancellor of Barodia, but the +innocent must needs suffer for the ambitions of the unprincipled—a +maxim I borrow from Euralia Past and Present; Roger in his moral +vein. +

+ +

+"Well," said Merriwig to the Countess, "that's done it." +

+ +

+"It really is war?" asked Belvane. +

+ +

+"It is. Hyacinth is looking out my armour at this moment." +

+ +

+"What did the King of Barodia say?" +

+ +

+"He didn't say anything. He wrote 'W A R' in red on a dirty bit of +paper, pinned it to my messenger's ear, and sent him back again." +

+ +

+"How very crude," said the Countess. +

+ +

+"Oh, I thought it was—er—rather forcible," said the King awkwardly. +Secretly he had admired it a good deal and wished that he had been the +one to do it. +

+ +

+"Of course," said the Countess, with a charming smile, "that sort of +thing depends so very much on who does it. Now from your Majesty it +would have seemed—dignified." +

+ +

+"He must have been very angry," said the King, picking up first one +and then another of a number of swords which lay in front of him. "I +wish I had seen his face when he got my Note." +

+ +

+"So do I," sighed the Countess. She wished it much more than the +King. It is the tragedy of writing a good letter that you cannot be +there when it is opened: a maxim of my own, the thought never having +occurred to Roger Scurvilegs, who was a dull correspondent. +

+ +

+The King was still taking up and putting down his swords. +

+ +

+"It's very awkward," he muttered; "I wonder if Hyacinth——" He went +to the door and called "Hyacinth!" +

+ +

+"Coming, Father," called back Hyacinth, from a higher floor. +

+ +

+The Countess rose and curtsied deeply. +

+ +

+"Good morning, your Royal Highness." +

+ +

+"Good morning, Countess," said Hyacinth brightly. She liked the +Countess (you couldn't help it), but rather wished she didn't. +

+ +

+"Oh, Hyacinth," said the King, "come and tell me about these swords. +Which is my magic one?" +

+ +

+Hyacinth looked at him blankly. +

+ +

+"Oh, Father," she said. "I don't know at all. Does it matter very +much?" +

+ +

+"My dear child, of course it matters. Supposing I am fighting the +King of Barodia and I have my magic sword, then I'm bound to win. +Supposing I haven't, then I'm not bound to." +

+ +

+"Supposing you both had magic swords," said Belvane. It was the sort +of thing she would say. +

+ +

+The King looked up slowly at her and began to revolve the idea in his +mind. +

+ +

+"Well, really," he said, "I hadn't thought of that. Upon my word, +I——" He turned to his daughter. "Hyacinth, what would happen if we +both had magic swords?" +

+ +

+"I suppose you'd go on fighting for ever," said Hyacinth. +

+ +

+"Or until the magic wore out of one of them," said Belvane innocently. +

+ +

+"There must be something about it somewhere," said the King, whose +morning was in danger of being quite spoilt by this new suggestion; +"I'd ask the Chancellor to look it up, only he's so busy just now." +

+ +

+"He'd have plenty of time while the combat was going on," said Belvane +thoughtfully. Wonderful creature! she saw already the Chancellor +hurrying up to announce that the King of Euralia had won, at the very +moment when he lay stretched on the ground by a mortal thrust from his +adversary. +

+ +

+The King turned to his swords again. +

+ +

+"Well, anyway, I'm going to be sure of mine," he said. "Hyacinth, +haven't you any idea which it is?" He added in rather a hurt voice, +"Naturally I left the marking of my swords to you." +

+ +

+His daughter examined the swords one by one. +

+ +

+"Here it is," she cried. "It's got 'M' on it for 'magic.'" +

+ +

+"Or 'Merriwig,'" said the Countess to her diary. +

+ +

+The expression of joy on the King's face at his daughter's discovery +had just time to appear and fade away again. +

+ +

+"You are not being very helpful this morning, Countess," he said +severely. +

+ +

+Instantly the Countess was on her feet, her diary thrown to the +floor—no, never thrown—laid gently on the floor, and herself, hands +clasped at her breast, a figure of reproachful penitence before him. +

+ +

+"Oh, your Majesty, forgive me—if your Majesty had only asked me—I +didn't know your Majesty wanted me—I thought her Royal Highness—— +But of course I'll find your Majesty's sword for you." Did she +stroke his head as she said this? I have often wondered. It would be +like her impudence, and her motherliness, and her—-and, in fact, like +her. Euralia Past and Present is silent upon the point. Roger +Scurvilegs, who had only seen Belvane at the unimpressionable age of +two, would have had it against her if he could, so perhaps there is +nothing in it. +

+ +

+"There!" she said, and she picked out the magic sword almost at once. +

+ +

+[Illustration: "Try it on me," cried the Countess, verso][Illustration: "Try it on me," cried the Countess, recto] +

+ +

+"Then I'll get back to my work," said Hyacinth cheerfully, and left +them to each other. +

+ +

+The King, smiling happily, girded on his sword. But a sudden doubt +assailed him. +

+ +

+"Are you sure it's the one?" +

+ +

+"Try it on me," cried the Countess superbly, falling on her knees +and stretching up her arms to him. The toe of her little shoe touched +her diary; its presence there uplifted her. Even as she knelt she saw +herself describing the scene. How do you spell "offered"? she +wondered. +

+ +

+I think the King was already in love with her, though he found it so +difficult to say the decisive words. But even so he could only have +been in love a week or two; a fortnight in the last forty years; and +he had worn a sword since he was twelve. In a crisis it is the old +love and not the greater love which wins (Roger's, but I think I agree +with him), and instinctively the King drew his sword. If it were +magic a scratch would kill. Now he would know. +

+ +

+Her enemies said that the Countess could not go pale; she had her +faults, but this was not one of them. She whitened as she saw the +King standing over her with drawn sword. A hundred thoughts chased +each other through her mind. She wondered if the King would be sorry +afterwards; she wondered what the minstrels would sing of her, and if +her diary would ever be made public; most of all she wondered why she +had been such a fool, such a melodramatic fool. +

+ +

+The King came to himself with a sudden start. Looking slightly +ashamed he put his sword back in its scabbard, coughed once or twice +to cover his confusion, and held his hand out to the Countess to +assist her to rise. +

+ +

+"Don't be absurd, Countess," he said. "As if we could spare you at a +time like this. Sit down and let us talk matters over seriously." +

+ +

+A trifle bewildered by the emotions she had gone through, Belvane sat +down, the beloved diary clasped tightly in her arms. Life seemed +singularly sweet just then, the only drawback being that the minstrels +would not be singing about her after all. Still, one cannot have +everything. +

+ +

+The King walked up and down the room as he talked. +

+ +

+"I am going away to fight," he said, "and I leave my dear daughter +behind. In my absence, her Royal Highness will of course rule the +country. I want her to feel that she can lean upon you, Countess, for +advice and support. I know that I can trust you, for you have just +given me a great proof of your devotion and courage." +

+ +

+"Oh, your Majesty!" said Belvane deprecatingly, but feeling very glad +that it hadn't been wasted. +

+ +

+"Hyacinth is young and inexperienced. She needs a—a——" +

+ +

+"A mother's guiding hand," said Belvane softly. +

+ +

+The King started and looked away. It was really too late to propose +now; he had so much to do before the morrow. Better leave it till he +came back from the war. +

+ +

+"You will have no official position," he went on hastily, "other than +your present one of Mistress of the Robes; but your influence on her +will be very great." +

+ +

+The Countess had already decided on this. However there is a look +of modest resignation to an unsought duty which is suited to an +occasion of this kind, and the Countess had no difficulty in supplying +it. +

+ +

+"I will do all that I can, your Majesty, to help—gladly; but will not +the Chancellor——" +

+ +

+"The Chancellor will come with me. He is no fighter, but he is good +at spells." He looked round to make sure that they were alone, and +then went on confidentially, "He tells me that he has discovered in +the archives of the palace a Backward Spell of great value. Should he +be able to cast this upon the enemy at the first onslaught, he thinks +that our heroic army would have no difficulty in advancing." +

+ +

+"But there will be other learned men," said Belvane innocently, "so +much more accustomed to affairs than us poor women, so much better +able"—("What nonsense I'm talking," she said to herself)—"to advise +her Royal Highness——" +

+ +

+"Men like that," said the King, "I shall want with me also. If I am +to invade Barodia properly I shall need every man in the kingdom. +Euralia must be for the time a country of women only." He turned to +her with a smile and said gallantly, "That will be—er—— It +is—er—not—er——. One may well—er——" +

+ +

+It was so obvious from his manner that something complimentary was +struggling to the surface of his mind, that Belvane felt it would be +kinder not to wait for it. +

+ +

+"Oh, your Majesty," she said, "you flatter my poor sex." +

+ +

+"Not at all," said the King, trying to remember what he had said. He +held out his hand. "Well, Countess, I have much to do." +

+ +

+"I, too, your Majesty." +

+ +

+She made him a deep curtsey and, clasping tightly the precious diary, +withdrew. +

+ +

+The King, who still seemed worried about something, returned to his +table and took up his pen. Here Hyacinth discovered him ten minutes +later. His table was covered with scraps of paper and, her eyes +lighting casually upon one of them, she read these remarkable words: +

+ +

+"In such a land I should be a most contented subject." +

+ +

+She looked at some of the others. They were even shorter: +

+ +

+"That, dear Countess, would be my——" +

+ +

+"A country in which even a King——" +

+ +

+"Lucky country!" +

+ +

+The last was crossed out and "Bad" written against it. +

+ +

+"Whatever are these, Father?" said Hyacinth. +

+ +

+The King jumped up in great confusion. +

+ +

+"Nothing, dear, nothing," he said. "I was just—er—— Of course I +shall have to address my people, and I was just jotting down a few—— +However, I shan't want them now." He swept them together, screwed +them up tight, and dropped them into a basket. +

+ +

+And what became of them? you ask. Did they light the fires of the +Palace next morning? Well, now, here's a curious thing. In Chapter X +of Euralia Past and Present I happened across these words: +

+ +

+"The King and all the men of the land having left to fight the wicked +Barodians, Euralia was now a country of women only—a country in +which even a King might be glad to be a subject." +

+ +

+Now what does this mean? Is it another example of literary theft? I +have already had to expose Shelley. Must I now drag into the light of +day a still worse plagiarism by Roger Scurvilegs? The waste-paper +baskets of the Palace were no doubt open to him as to so many +historians. But should he not have made acknowledgments? +

+ +

+I do not wish to be hard on Roger. That I differ from him on many +points of historical fact has already been made plain, and will be +made still more plain as my story goes on. But I have a respect for +the man; and on some matters, particularly those concerning Prince Udo +of Araby's first appearance in Euralia, I have to rely entirely upon +him for my information. Moreover I have never hesitated to give him +credit for such of his epigrams as I have introduced into this book, +and I like to think that he would be equally punctilious to others. +We know his romantic way; no doubt the thought occurred to him +independently. Let us put it at that, anyhow. +

+ +

+Belvane, meanwhile, was getting on. The King had drawn his sword on +her and she had not flinched. As a reward she was to be the power +behind the throne. +

+ +

+"Not necessarily behind the throne," said Belvane to herself. +

+ +


+ +

+ +[Illustration: Detail of Hyacinth on the castle walls] +

+ +

+CHAPTER IV +

+ +

+THE PRINCESS HYACINTH LEAVES IT TO THE COUNTESS +

+ +

+It is now time to introduce Wiggs to you, and I find myself in a +difficulty at once. What was Wiggs's position in the Palace? +

+ +

+This story is hard to tell, for I have to piece it together from the +narratives of others, and to supply any gaps in their stories from my +knowledge of how the different characters might be expected to act. +Perhaps, therefore, it is a good moment in which to introduce to you +the authorities upon whom I rely. +

+ +

+First and foremost, of course, comes Roger Scurvilegs. His monumental +work, Euralia Past and Present, in seventeen volumes, towers upon my +desk as I write. By the merest chance I picked it up (in a +metaphorical sense) at that little shop near—I forget its name, but +it's the third bookshop on the left as you come into London from the +New Barnet end. Upon him I depend for the broad lines of my story, +and I have already indicated my opinion of the value of his work. +

+ +

+Secondly, come the many legends and ballads handed on to me years ago +by my aunt by marriage, one of the Cornish Smallnoses. She claims to +be a direct descendant of that Henry Smallnose whose lucky shot +brought about the events which I am to describe. I say she claims to +be, and one cannot doubt a lady's word in these matters; certainly she +used to speak about Henry with that mixture of pride and extreme +familiarity which comes best from a relation. In all matters not +touching Henry, I feel that I can rely upon her; in its main lines her +narrative is strictly confirmed by Scurvilegs, and she brought to it a +picturesqueness and an appreciation of the true character of Belvane +which is lacking in the other; but her attitude towards Henry +Smallnose was absurd. Indeed she would have had him the hero of the +story. This makes Roger and myself smile. We give him credit for the +first shot, and then we drop him. +

+ +

+Thirdly, Belvane herself. Women like Belvane never die, and I met her +(or a reincarnation of her) at a country house in Shropshire last +summer. I forget what she calls herself now, but I recognised her at +once; and, as I watched her, the centuries rolled away and she and I +were in Euralia, that pleasant country, together. "Stayed to tea and +was very charming." Would she have said that of me, I wonder? But +I'm getting sentimental—Roger's great fault. +

+ +

+These then are my authorities; I consult them, and I ask myself, What +was Wiggs? +

+ +

+Roger speaks of her simply as an attendant upon the Princess. Now we +know that the Princess was seventeen; Wiggs then would be about the +same age—a lady-in-waiting—perhaps even a little older. Why not? +you say. The Lady Wiggs, maid-of-honour to her Royal Highness the +Princess Hyacinth, eighteen and a bit, tall and stately. Since she is +to endanger Belvane's plans, let her be something of a match for the +wicked woman. +

+ +

+Yes, but you would never talk like that if you had heard one of my +aunt's stories. Nor if you had seen Belvane would you think that any +grown-up woman could be a match for her. +

+ +

+Wiggs was a child; I feel it in my bones. In all the legends and +ballads handed down to me by my aunt she appears to me as a little +girl—Alice in a fairy story. Roger or no Roger I must have her a +child. +

+ +

+And even Roger cannot keep up the farce that she is a real +lady-in-waiting. In one place he tells us that she dusts the throne +of the Princess; can you see her ladyship, eighteen last February, +doing that? At other times he allows her to take orders from the +Countess; I ask you to imagine a maid-of-honour taking orders from any +but her own mistress. Conceive her dignity! +

+ +

+A little friend, then, of Hyacinth's, let us say; ready to do anything +for anybody who loved, or appeared to love, her mistress. +

+ +

+The King had departed for the wars. His magic sword girded to his +side, his cloak of darkness, not worn but rolled up behind him, lest +the absence of his usual extensive shadow should disturb his horse, he +rode at the head of his men to meet the enemy. Hyacinth had seen him +off from the Palace steps. Five times he had come back to give her +his last instructions, and a sixth time for his sword, but now he was +gone, and she was alone on the castle walls with Wiggs. +

+ +

+"Saying good-bye to fathers is very tiring," said Hyacinth. "I do +hope he'll be all right. Wiggs, although we oughtn't to mention it to +anybody, and although he's only just gone, we do think it will be +rather fun being Queen, don't we?" +

+ +

+"It must be lovely," said Wiggs, gazing at her with large eyes. "Can +you really do whatever you like now?" +

+ +

+Hyacinth nodded. +

+ +

+"I always did whatever I liked," she said, "But now I really can +do it." +

+ +

+"Could you cut anybody's head off?" +

+ +

+"Easily," said the Princess confidently. +

+ +

+"I should hate to cut anybody's head off." +

+ +

+"So should I, Wiggs. Let's decide to have no heads off just at +present—till we're more used to it." +

+ +

+Wiggs still kept her eyes fixed upon the Princess. +

+ +

+"Which is stronger," she asked, "you or a Fairy?" +

+ +

+"I knew you were going to ask something horrid like that," said +Hyacinth, pretending to be angry. She looked quickly round to see +that nobody was listening, and then whispered in Wiggs's ear, "I am." +

+ +

+"O—oh!" said Wiggs. "How lovely!" +

+ +

+"Isn't it? Did you ever hear the story of Father and the Fairy?" +

+ +

+"His Majesty?" +

+ +

+"His Majesty the King of Euralia. It happened in the forest one day +just after he became King." +

+ +

+Did you ever hear the story? I expect not. Well, then, you must +hear it. But there will be too many inverted commas in it if I let +Hyacinth tell you, so I shall tell you myself. +

+ +

+[Illustration: Five times he had come back to give her his last instructions, verso] +[Illustration: Five times he had come back to give her his last instructions, recto] +

+ +

+It was just after he became King. He was so proud that he used to go +about saying, "I am the King. I am the King." And sometimes, "The +King am I. The King I am." He was saying this one day in the forest +when a Fairy overheard him. So she appeared in front of him and said, +"I believe you are the King?" +

+ +

+"I am the King," said Merriwig. "I am the King, I am the——" +

+ +

+"And yet," said the Fairy, "what is a King after all?" +

+ +

+"It is a very powerful thing to be a King," said Merriwig proudly. +

+ +

+"Supposing I were to turn you into a—a small sheep. Then where would +you be?" +

+ +

+The King thought anxiously for a moment. +

+ +

+"I should like to be a small sheep," he said. +

+ +

+The Fairy waved her wand. +

+ +

+"Then you can be one," she said, "until you own that a Fairy is much +more powerful than a King." +

+ +

+So all at once he was a small sheep. +

+ +

+"Well?" said the Fairy. +

+ +

+"Well?" said the King. +

+ +

+"Which is more powerful, a King or a Fairy?" +

+ +

+"A King," said Merriwig. "Besides being more woolly," he added. +

+ +

+There was silence for a little. Merriwig began to eat some grass. +

+ +

+"I don't think much of Fairies," he said with his mouth full. "I +don't think they're very powerful." +

+ +

+The Fairy looked at him angrily. +

+ +

+"They can't make you say things you don't want to say," he explained. +

+ +

+The Fairy stamped her foot. +

+ +

+"Be a toad," she said, waving her wand. "A nasty, horrid, crawling +toad." +

+ +

+"I've always wanted—" began Merriwig—"to be a toad," he ended from +lower down. +

+ +

+"Well?" said the Fairy. +

+ +

+"I don't think much of Fairies," said the King. "I don't think +they're very powerful." He waited for the Fairy to look at him, but +she pretended to be thinking of something else. After waiting a +minute or two, he added, "They can't make you say things you don't +want to say." +

+ +

+The Fairy stamped her foot still more angrily, and moved her wand a +third time. +

+ +

+"Be silent!" she commanded. "And stay silent for ever!" +

+ +

+There was no sound in the forest. The Fairy looked at the blue sky +through the green roof above her; she looked through the tall trunks +of the trees to the King's castle beyond; her eyes fell upon the +little glade on her left, upon the mossy bank on her right . . . but +she would not look down to the toad at her feet. +

+ +

+No, she wouldn't. . . . +

+ +

+She wouldn't. . . . +

+ +

+And yet—— +

+ +

+It was too much for her. She could resist no longer. She looked at +the nasty, horrid, crawling toad, the dumb toad at her feet that was +once a King. +

+ +

+And, catching her eye, the toad—winked. +

+ +

+Some winks are more expressive than others. The Fairy knew quite well +what this one meant. It meant: +

+ +

+"I don't think much of Fairies. I don't think they're very powerful. +They can't make you say things you don't want to say." +

+ +

+The Fairy waved her wand in disgust. +

+ +

+"Oh, be a King again," she said impatiently, and vanished. +

+ +

+And so that is the story of how the King of Euralia met the Fairy in +the forest. Roger Scurvilegs tells it well—indeed, almost as well as +I do—but he burdens it with a moral. You must think it out for +yourself; I shall not give it to you. +

+ +

+Wiggs didn't bother about the moral. Her elbows on her knees, her +chin resting on her hands, she gazed at the forest and imagined the +scene to herself. +

+ +

+"How wonderful to be a King like that!" she thought. +

+ +

+"That was a long time ago," explained Hyacinth. "Father must have +been rather lovely in those days," she added. +

+ +

+"It was a very bad Fairy," said Wiggs. +

+ +

+"It was a very stupid one. I wouldn't have given in to Father like +that." +

+ +

+"But there are good Fairies, aren't there? I met one once." +

+ +

+"You, child? Where?" +

+ +

+I don't know if it would have made any difference to Euralian history +if Wiggs had been allowed to tell about her Fairy then; as it was, she +didn't tell the story till later on, when Belvane happened to be near. +I regret to say that Belvane listened. It was the sort of story that +always got overheard, she explained afterwards, as if that were any +excuse. On this occasion she was just too early to overhear, but in +time to prevent the story being told without her. +

+ +

+"The Countess Belvane," said an attendant, and her ladyship made a +superb entry. +

+ +

+"Good morning, Countess," said Hyacinth. +

+ +

+"Good morning, your Royal Highness. Ah, Wiggs, sweet child," she +added carelessly, putting out a hand to pat the sweet child's head, +but missing it. +

+ +

+"Wiggs was just telling me a story," said the Princess. +

+ +

+"Sweet child," said Belvane, feeling vaguely for her with the other +hand. "Could I interrupt the story with a little business, your +Royal Highness?" +

+ +

+At a nod from the Princess, Wiggs withdrew. +

+ +

+"Well?" said Hyacinth nervously. +

+ +

+Belvane had always a curious effect on the Princess when they were +alone together. There was something about her large manner which made +Hyacinth feel like a schoolgirl who has been behaving badly: alarmed +and apologetic. I feel like this myself when I have an interview with +my publishers, and Roger Scurvilegs (upon the same subject) drags in a +certain uncle of his before whom (so he says) he always appears at his +worst. It is a common experience. +

+ +

+"Just one or two little schemes to submit to your Majesty," said the +Countess. "How silly of me—I mean, your Royal Highness. Of course +your Royal Highness may not like them at all, but in case your Royal +Highness did, I just—well, I just wrote them out." +

+ +

+She unfolded, one by one, a series of ornamental parchments. +

+ +

+"They are beautifully written," said the Princess. +

+ +

+Belvane blushed at the compliment. She had a passion for coloured +inks and rulers. In her diary the day of the week was always +underlined in red, the important words in the day's doings being +frequently picked out in gold. On taking up the diary you saw at once +that you were in the presence of somebody. +

+ +

+The first parchment was headed: +

+ +

+SCHEME FOR ECONOMY IN REALM +

+ +

+"Economy" caught the eye in pale pink. The next parchment was headed: +

+ +

+SCHEME FOR SAFETY OF REALM +

+ +

+"Safety" clamoured to you in blue. +

+ +

+The third parchment was headed: +

+ +

+SCHEME FOR ENCOURAGEMENT OF LITERATURE IN REALM +

+ +

+"Encouragement of Literature" had got rather cramped in the small +quarters available for it. A heading, Belvane felt, should be in one +line; she had started in letters too big for it, and the fact that the +green ink was giving out made it impossible to start afresh. +

+ +

+There were ten parchments altogether. +

+ +

+By the end of the third one, the Princess began to feel uncomfortable. +

+ +

+By the end of the fifth one she knew that it was a mistake her ever +having come into the Royal Family at all. +

+ +

+By the end of the seventh she decided that if the Countess would +forgive her this time she would never be naughty again. +

+ +

+By the end of the ninth one she was just going to cry. +

+ +

+The tenth one was in a very loud orange and was headed: +

+ +

+SCHEME FOR ASSISTING CALISTHENICS IN REALM +

+ +

+"Yes," said the Princess faintly; "I think it would be a good idea." +

+ +

+"I thought if your Royal Highness approved," said Belvane, "we might +just——" +

+ +

+Hyacinth felt herself blushing guiltily—she couldn't think why. +

+ +

+"I leave it to you, Countess," she murmured. "I am sure you know +best." +

+ +

+It was a remark which she would never have made to her Father. +

+ +


+ +

+ +[Illustration: Detail of Hyacinth, reviewing the Army of Amazons] +

+ +

+CHAPTER V +

+ +

+BELVANE INDULGES HER HOBBY +

+ +

+In a glade in the forest the Countess Belvane was sitting: her throne, +a fallen log, her courtiers, that imaginary audience which was always +with her. For once in her life she was nervous; she had an anxious +morning in front of her. +

+ +

+I can tell you the reason at once. Her Royal Highness was going to +review her Royal Highness's Army of Amazons (see Scheme II, Safety of +Realm). In half an hour she would be here. +

+ +

+And why not? you say. Could anything be more gratifying? +

+ +

+I will tell you why not. There was no Army of Amazons. In order that +her Royal Highness should not know the sad truth, Belvane drew their +pay for them. 'Twas better thus. +

+ +

+In any trouble Belvane comforted herself by reading up her diary. She +undid the enormous volume, and, idly turning the pages, read some of +the more delightful extracts to herself. +

+ +

+"Monday, June 1st," she read. "Became bad." +

+ +

+She gave a sigh of resignation to the necessity of being bad. Roger +Scurvilegs is of the opinion that she might have sighed a good many +years before. According to him she was born bad. +

+ +

+"Tuesday, June 2nd," she read on. "Realised in the privacy of my +heart that I was destined to rule the country. Wednesday, June 3rd. +Decided to oust the Princess. Thursday, June 4th. Began ousting." +

+ +

+What a confession for any woman—even for one who had become bad last +Monday! No wonder Belvane's diary was not for everybody. Let us look +over her shoulder and read some more of the wicked woman's +confessions. +

+ +

+"Friday, June 5th. Made myself a——" Oh, that's quite private. +However we may read this: "Thought for the week. Beware lest you +should tumble down In reaching for another's crown." An admirable +sentiment which Roger Scurvilegs would have approved, although he +could not have rhymed it so neatly. +

+ +

+The Countess turned on a few more pages and prepared to write up +yesterday's events. +

+ +

+"Tuesday, June 23rd," she said to herself. "Now what happened? +Acclaimed with enthusiasm outside the Palace—how do you spell +'enthusiasm'?" She bit the end of her pencil and pondered. She +turned back the pages till she came to the place. +

+ +

+"Yes," she said thoughtfully. "It had three 's's' last time, so it's +'z's' turn." +

+ +

+She wrote "enthuzziazm" lightly in pencil; later on it would be picked +out in gold. +

+ +

+She closed the diary hastily. Somebody was coming. +

+ +

+It was Wiggs. +

+ +

+"Oh, if you please, your Ladyship, her Royal Highness sent me to tell +you that she would be here at eleven o'clock to review her new army." +

+ +

+It was the last thing of which Belvane wanted reminding. +

+ +

+"Ah, Wiggs, sweet child," she said, "you find me overwhelmed." She +gave a tragic sigh. "Leader of the Corps de Ballet"—she indicated +with her toe how this was done, "Commander-in-Chief of the Army of +Amazons"—here she saluted, and it was certainly the least she could +do for the money, "Warden of the Antimacassars and Grand Mistress of +the Robes, I have a busy life. Just come and dust this log for her +Royal Highness. All this work wears me out, Wiggs, but it is my duty +and I do it." +

+ +

+"Woggs says you make a very good thing out of it," said Wiggs +innocently, as she began to dust. "It must be nice to make very good +things out of things." +

+ +

+The Countess looked coldly at her. It is one thing to confide to your +diary that you are bad, it's quite another to have Woggsseses shouting +it out all over the country. +

+ +

+"I don't know what Woggs is," said Belvane sternly, "but send it to me +at once." +

+ +

+As soon as Wiggs was gone, Belvane gave herself up to her passions. +She strode up and down the velvety sward, saying to herself, "Bother! +Bother! Bother! Bother!" Her outbreak of violence over, she sat +gloomily down on the log and abandoned herself to despair. Her hair +fell in two plaits down her back to her waist; on second thoughts she +arranged them in front—if one is going to despair one may as well do +it to the best advantage. +

+ +

+Suddenly a thought struck her. +

+ +

+"I am alone," she said. "Dare I soliloquise? I will. It is a thing +I have not done for weeks. 'Oh, what a——" She got up quickly. +"Nobody could soliloquise on a log like that," she said crossly. +She decided she could do it just as effectively when standing. With +one pale hand raised to the skies she began again. +

+ +

+"Oh, what a—" +

+ +

+"Did you call me, Mum?" said Woggs, appearing suddenly. +

+ +

+"Bother!" said Belvane. She gave a shrug of resignation. "Another +time," she told herself. She turned to Woggs. +

+ +

+Woggs must have been quite close at hand to have been found by Wiggs +so quickly, and I suspect her of playing in the forest when she ought +to have been doing her lessons, or mending stockings, or whatever made +up her day's work. Woggs I find nearly as difficult to explain as +Wiggs; it is a terrible thing for an author to have a lot of people +running about his book, without any invitation from him at all. +However, since Woggs is there, we must make the best of her. I fancy +that she was a year or two younger than Wiggs and of rather inferior +education. Witness her low innuendo about the Lady Belvane, and the +fact that she called a Countess "Mum." +

+ +

+"Come here," said Belvane. "Are you what they call Woggs?" +

+ +

+"Please, Mum," said Woggs nervously. +

+ +

+The Countess winced at the "Mum," but went on bravely. "What have you +been saying about me?" +

+ +

+"N—Nothing, Mum." +

+ +

+Belvane winced again, and said, "Do you know what I do to little girls +who say things about me? I cut their heads off; I——" She tried to +think of something very alarming! "I—I stop their jam for tea. I—I +am most annoyed with them." +

+ +

+Woggs suddenly saw what a wicked thing she had done. +

+ +

+"Oh, please, Mum," she said brokenly and fell on her knees. +

+ +

+"Don't call me 'Mum,'" burst out Belvane. "It's so ugly. Why do +you suppose I ever wanted to be a countess at all, Woggs, if it wasn't +so as not to be called 'Mum' any more?" +

+ +

+"I don't know, Mum," said Woggs. +

+ +

+Belvane gave it up. The whole morning was going wrong anyhow. +

+ +

+"Come here, child," she sighed, "and listen. You have been a very +naughty girl, but I'm going to let you off this time, and in return +I've something you are going to do for me." +

+ +

+"Yes, Mum," said Woggs. +

+ +

+Belvane barely shuddered now. A sudden brilliant plan had come to +her. +

+ +

+"Her Royal Highness is about to review her Army of Amazons. It is a +sudden idea of her Royal Highness's, and it comes at an unfortunate +moment, for it so happens that the Army is—er——" What was the +Army doing? Ah, yes—"manoeuvring in a distant part of the country. +But we must not disappoint her Royal Highness. What then shall we do, +Woggs?" +

+ +

+"I don't know, Mum," said Woggs stolidly. +

+ +

+Not having expected any real assistance from her, the Countess went +on, "I will tell you. You see yonder tree? Armed to the teeth you +will march round and round it, giving the impression to one on this +side of a large army passing. For this you will be rewarded. Here +is——" She felt in the bag she carried. "No, on second thoughts I +will owe it to you. Now you quite understand?" +

+ +

+"Yes, Mum," said Woggs. +

+ +

+"Very well, then. Run along to the Palace and get a sword and a +helmet and a bow and an arrow and an—an arrow and anything you like, +and then come back here and wait behind those bushes. When I clap my +hands the army will begin to march." +

+ +

+Woggs curtsied and ran off. +

+ +

+It is probable that at this point the Countess would have resumed her +soliloquy, but we shall never know, for the next moment the Princess +and her Court were seen approaching from the other end of the glade. +Belvane advanced to meet them. +

+ +

+"Good morning, your Royal Highness," she said, "a beautiful day, is it +not?" +

+ +

+"Beautiful, Countess." +

+ +

+With the Court at her back, Hyacinth for the moment was less nervous +than usual, but almost at the first words of the Countess she felt her +self-confidence oozing from her. Did I say I was like this with my +publishers? And Roger's dragged-in Uncle——one can't explain it. +

+ +

+The Court stood about in picturesque attitudes while Belvane went on: +

+ +

+"Your Royal Highness's brave Women Defenders, the Home Defence Army of +Amazons" (here she saluted; one soon gets into the knack of it, and it +gives an air of efficiency) "have looked forward to this day for +weeks. How their hearts fill with pride at the thought of being +reviewed by your Royal Highness!" +

+ +

+She had paid, or rather received, the money for the Army so often that +she had quite got to believe in its existence. She even kept a roll of +the different companies (it meant more delightful red ink for one +thing), and wrote herself little notes recommending Corporal Gretal +Hottshott for promotion to sergeant. +

+ +

+"I know very little about armies, I'm afraid," said Hyacinth. "I've +always left that to my father. But I think it's a sweet idea of yours +to enrol the women to defend me. It's a little expensive, is it not?" +

+ +

+"Your Royal Highness, armies are always expensive." +

+ +

+The Princess took her seat, and beckoned Wiggs with a smile to her +side. The Court, in attitudes even more picturesque than before, +grouped itself behind her. +

+ +

+"Is your Royal Highness ready?" +

+ +

+"Quite ready, Countess." +

+ +

+The Countess clapped her hands. +

+ +

+There was a moment's hesitation, and then, armed to the teeth, Amazon +after Amazon marched by. . . . +

+ +

+An impressive scene. . . . +

+ +

+However, Wiggs must needs try to spoil it. +

+ +

+"Why, it's Woggs!" she cried. +

+ +

+"Silly child!" said Belvane in an undertone, giving her a push. +

+ +

+The Princess looked round inquiringly. +

+ +

+"The absurd creature," explained the Countess, "thought she recognized +a friend in your Royal Highness's gallant Army." +

+ +

+"How clever of her! They all look exactly alike to me." +

+ +

+Belvane was equal to the occasion. +

+ +

+"The uniform and discipline of an army have that effect rather," she +said. "It has often been noticed." +

+ +

+"I suppose so," said the Princess vaguely. "Oughtn't they to march in +fours? I seem to remember, when I came to reviews with Father——" +

+ +

+"Ah, your Royal Highness, that was an army of men. With women—well, +we found that if they marched side by side, they would talk all the +time." +

+ +

+The Court, which had been resting on the right leg with the left knee +bent, now rested on the left leg with the right knee bent. Woggs also +was getting tired. The last company of the Army of Amazons was not +marching with the abandon of the first company. +

+ +

+[Illustration: Armed to the teeth, Amazon after Amazon marched by, verso] +[Illustration: Armed to the teeth, Amazon after Amazon marched by, recto] +

+ +

+"I think I should like them to halt now so that I can address them," +said Hyacinth. +

+ +

+Belvane was taken aback for the moment. +

+ +

+"I am afraid, your—your Royal Highness," she stammered, her brain +working busily all the time, "that that would be contrary to—to—to +the spirit of—er—the King's Regulations. An army—an army in +marching order—must—er—march." She made a long forward movement +with her hand. "Must march," she repeated, with an innocent smile. +

+ +

+"I see," said Hyacinth, blushing guiltily again. +

+ +

+Belvane gave a loud cough. The last veteran but two of the Army +looked inquiringly at her and passed. The last veteran but one came +in and was greeted with a still louder cough. Rather tentatively the +last veteran of all entered and met such an unmistakable frown that it +was obvious that the march-past was over. . . . Woggs took off her +helmet and rested in the bushes. +

+ +

+"That is all, your Royal Highness," said Belvane. "158 marches past, +217 reported sick, making 622; 9 are on guard at the Palace—632 and 9 +make 815. Add 28 under age and we bring it up to the round thousand." +

+ +

+Wiggs opened her mouth to say something, but decided that her mistress +would probably wish to say it instead. Hyacinth, however, merely +looked unhappy. +

+ +

+Belvane came a little nearer. +

+ +

+"I—er—forgot if I mentioned to your Royal Highness that we are +paying out today. One silver piece a day and several days in the +week, multiplied by—how many did I say?—comes to ten thousand pieces +of gold." She produced a document, beautifully ruled. "If your Royal +Highness would kindly initial here——" +

+ +

+Mechanically the Princess signed. +

+ +

+"Thank you, your Royal Highness. And now perhaps I had better go and +see about it at once." +

+ +

+She curtsied deeply, and then, remembering her position, saluted and +marched off. +

+ +

+Now Roger Scurvilegs would see her go without a pang; he would then +turn over to his next chapter, beginning "Meanwhile the King——," and +leave you under the impression that the Countess Belvane was a common +thief. I am no such chronicler as that. At all costs I will be fair +to my characters. +

+ +

+Belvane, then, had a weakness. She had several of which I have +already told you, but this is another one. She had a passion for the +distribution of largesse. +

+ +

+I know an old gentleman who plays bowls every evening. He trundles +his skip (or whatever he calls it) to one end of the green, toddles +after it, and trundles it back again. Think of him for a moment, and +then think of Belvane on her cream-white palfrey tossing a bag of gold +to right of her and flinging a bag of gold to left of her, as she +rides through the cheering crowds; upon my word I think hers is the +more admirable exercise. +

+ +

+And, I assure you, no less exacting. When once one has got into this +habit of "flinging" or "tossing" money, to give it in any ordinary +way, to slide it gently into the palm, is unbearable. Which of us who +has, in an heroic moment, flung half a crown to a cabman can ever be +content afterwards to hold out a handful of three-penny bits and +coppers to him? One must always be flinging. . . . +

+ +

+So it was with Belvane. The largesse habit had got hold of her. It +is an expensive habit, but her way of doing it was less expensive than +most. The people were taxed to pay for the Amazon Army; the pay of +the Amazon Army was flung back at them; could anything be fairer? +

+ +

+True, it brought her admiration and applause. But what woman does not +like admiration? Is that an offence? If it is, it is something very +different from the common theft of which Roger Scurvilegs would accuse +her. Let us be fair. +

+ +


+ +

+ +[Illustration: Detail of sleeping king] +

+ +

+CHAPTER VI +

+ +

+THERE ARE NO WIZARDS IN BARODIA +

+ +

+Meanwhile "the King of Euralia was prosecuting the war with utmost +vigour." +

+ +

+So says Roger in that famous chapter of his, and certainly Merriwig +was very busy. +

+ +

+On the declaration of war the Euralian forces, in accordance with +custom, had marched into Barodia. However hot ran the passion between +them, the two Kings always preserved the elementary courtesies of war. +The last battle had taken place in Euralian territory; this time, +therefore, Barodia was the scene of the conflict. To Barodia, then, +King Merriwig had led his army. Suitable pasture land had been +allotted them as a camping ground, and amid the cheers of the Barodian +populace the Euralians made their simple preparations for the night. +

+ +

+The two armies had now been sitting opposite to each other for some +weeks, but neither side had been idle. On the very first morning +Merriwig had put on his Cloak of Darkness and gone to the enemy's camp +to explore the situation. Unfortunately the same idea had occurred at +the same moment to the King of Barodia. He also had his Cloak of +Darkness. +

+ +

+Half way across, to the utmost astonishment of both, the two Kings had +come violently into contact. Realising that they had met some +unprecedented enchantment, they had hurried home after the recoil to +consult their respective Chancellors. The Chancellors could make +nothing of it. They could only advise their Majesties to venture +another attempt on the following morning. +

+ +

+"But by a different route," said the Chancellors, "whereby the Magic +Pillar shall be avoided." +

+ +

+So by the more southerly path the two Kings ventured out next morning. +Half way across there was another violent collision, and both Kings +sat down suddenly to think it out. +

+ +

+"Wonder of wonders," said Merriwig. "There is a magic wall stretching +between the two armies." +

+ +

+"He stood up and holding up his hand said impressively: +

+ +

+ "Bo, boll, bill, bole.
+  Wo, woll——"
+

+ +

+"Mystery of mysteries!" cried the King of Barodia. "It can——" +

+ +

+He stopped suddenly. Both Kings coughed. They were remembering with +some shame their fright of yesterday. +

+ +

+"Who are you?" said the King of Barodia. +

+ +

+Merriwig saw that there was need to dissemble. +

+ +

+"His Majesty's swineherd," he said, in what he imagined might be a +swineherd's voice. +

+ +

+"Er—so am I," said the King of Barodia, rather feebly. +

+ +

+There was obviously nothing for it but for them to discuss swine. +

+ +

+Merriwig was comfortably ignorant of the subject. The King of Barodia +knew rather less than that. +

+ +

+"Er—how many have you?" asked the latter. +

+ +

+"Seven thousand," said Merriwig at random. +

+ +

+"Er—so have I," said the King of Barodia, still more feebly. +

+ +

+"Couples," explained Merriwig. +

+ +

+"Mine are ones," said the King of Barodia, determined to be +independent at last. +

+ +

+Each King was surprised to find how easy it was to talk to an expert +on his own subject. The King of Barodia, indeed, began to feel +reckless. +

+ +

+"Well," he said, "I must be getting back. It's—er—milking time." +

+ +

+"So must I," said Merriwig. "By the way," he added, "what do you feed +yours on?" +

+ +

+The King of Barodia was not quite sure if it was apple sauce or not. +He decided that perhaps it wasn't. +

+ +

+"That's a secret," he said darkly. "Been handed down from generation +to generation." +

+ +

+Merriwig could think of nothing better to say to this than "Ah!" He +said it very impressively, and with a word of farewell returned to his +camp. +

+ +

+He was in brilliant form over the wassail bowl that night as he drew a +picture of his triumphant dissimulation. It is only fair to say that +the King of Barodia was in brilliant form too. . . . +

+ +

+For several weeks after this the battle raged. Sometimes the whole +Euralian army would line up outside its camp and call upon the +Barodians to fight; at other times the Barodian army would form fours +in full view of the Euralians in the hope of provoking a conflict. At +intervals the two Chancellors would look up old spells, scour the +country for wizards, or send each other insulting messages. At the +end of a month it was difficult to say which side had obtained the +advantage. +

+ +

+A little hill surmounted by a single tree lay half way between the two +camps. Thither one fine morning came the two Kings and the two +Chancellors on bloody business bent. (The phrase is Roger's.) Their +object was nothing less than to arrange that personal fight between +the two monarchs which was always a feature of Barodo-Euralian +warfare. The two Kings having shaken hands, their Chancellors +proceeded to settle the details. +

+ +

+"I suppose," said the Chancellor of Barodia, "that your Majesties will +wish to fight with swords?" +

+ +

+"Certainly," said the King of Barodia promptly; so promptly that +Merriwig felt certain that he had a Magic Sword too. +

+ +

+"Cloaks of Darkness are not allowed, of course," said the Chancellor +of Euralia. +

+ +

+"Why, have you got one?" said each King quickly to the other. +

+ +

+Merriwig was the first to recover himself. +

+ +

+"I have one—naturally," he said. "It's a curious thing that the only +one of my subjects who has one is my—er—swineherd." +

+ +

+"That's funny," said the King of Barodia. "My swineherd has one too." +

+ +

+"Of course," said Merriwig, "they are almost a necessity to +swineherding." +

+ +

+"Particularly in the milking season," said the King of Barodia. +

+ +

+They looked at each other with added respect. Not many Kings in those +days had the technicalities of such a humble trade at their fingers' +ends. +

+ +

+The Chancellor of Barodia has been referring to the precedents. +

+ +

+"It was after the famous conflict between the two grandfathers of your +Majesties that the use of the Magic Cloak in personal combats was +discontinued." +

+ +

+"Great-grandfathers," said the Chancellor of Euralia. +

+ +

+"Grandfathers, I think." +

+ +

+"Great-grandfathers, if I am not mistaken." +

+ +

+Their tempers were rising rapidly, and the Chancellor of Barodia was +just about to give the Chancellor of Euralia a push when Merriwig +intervened. +

+ +

+"Never mind about that," he said impatiently. "Tell us what happened +when our—our ancestors fought." +

+ +

+"It happened in this way, your Majesty. Your Majesty's +grandfather——" +

+ +

+"Great-grandfather," said a small voice. +

+ +

+The Chancellor cast one bitter look at his opponent and went on: +

+ +

+"The ancestors of your two Majesties arranged to settle the war of +that period by personal combat. The two armies were drawn up in full +array. In front of them the two monarchs shook hands. Drawing their +swords and casting their Magic Cloaks around them, they——" +

+ +

+"Well?" said Merriwig eagerly. +

+ +

+"It is rather a painful story, your Majesty." +

+ +

+"Go on, I shan't mind." +

+ +

+"Well, your Majesty, drawing their swords and casting their Magic +Cloaks around them they—h'r'm—returned to the wassail bowl." +

+ +

+"Dear, dear," said Merriwig. +

+ +

+[Illustration: When the respective armies returned to camp they found +their Majesties asleep, verso] +[Illustration: When the respective armies returned to camp they found +their Majesties asleep, recto] +

+ +

+"When the respective armies, who had been waiting eagerly the whole of +the afternoon for some result of the combat, returned to camp, they +found their Majesties——" +

+ +

+"Asleep," said the Chancellor of Euralia hastily. +

+ +

+"Asleep," agreed the Chancellor of Barodia. "The excuse of their two +Majesties that they had suddenly forgotten the day, though naturally +accepted at the time, was deemed inadequate by later historians." (By +Roger and myself, anyway.) +

+ +

+Some further details were discussed, and then the conference closed. +The great fight was fixed for the following morning. +

+ +

+The day broke fine. At an early hour Merriwig was up and practising +thrusts upon a suspended pillow. At intervals he would consult a +little book entitled Sword Play for Sovereigns, and then return to +his pillow. At breakfast he was nervous but talkative. After +breakfast he wrote a tender letter to Hyacinth and a still more tender +one to the Countess Belvane, and burnt them. He repeated his little +rhyme, "Bo, Boll, Bill, Bole," several times to himself until he was +word perfect. It was just possible that it might be useful. His last +thoughts as he rode on to the field were of his great-grandfather. +Without admiring him, he quite saw his point. +

+ +

+The fight was a brilliant one. First Merriwig aimed a blow at the +King of Barodia's head which the latter parried. Then the King of +Barodia aimed a blow at his adversary's head which Merriwig parried. +This went on three or four times, and then Merriwig put into practice +a remarkable trick which the Captain of his Bodyguard had taught him. +It was his turn to parry, but instead of doing this, he struck again +at his opponent's head; and if the latter in sheer surprise had not +stumbled and fallen, there might have been a very serious ending to +the affair. +

+ +

+Noon found them still at it; cut and parry, cut and parry; at each +stroke the opposing armies roared their applause. When darkness put an +end to the conflict, honours were evenly divided. +

+ +

+It was a stiff but proud King of Euralia who received the +congratulations of his subjects that night; so proud that he had to +pour out his heart to somebody. He wrote to his daughter. +

+ +

+"MY DEAR HYACINTH, +

+ +

+"You will be glad to hear that your father is going on well and that +Euralia is as determined as ever to uphold its honour and dignity. +To-day I fought the King of Barodia, and considering that, most +unfairly, he was using a Magic Sword, I think I may say that I did +well. The Countess Belvane will be interested to hear that I made +4,638 strokes at my opponent and parried 4,637 strokes from him. This +is good for a man of my age. Do you remember that magic ointment my +aunt used to give me? Have we any of it left? +

+ +

+"I played a very clever trick the other day by pretending to be a +swineherd. I talked to a real one I met for quite a long time about +swine without his suspecting me. The Countess might be interested to +hear this. It would have been very awkward for me if it had been +found out who I was. +

+ +

+"I hope you are getting along all right. Do you consult the Countess +Belvane at all? I think she would be able to advise you in any +difficulties. A young girl needs a guiding hand, and I think the +Countess would be able to advise you in any difficulties. Do you +consult her at all? +

+ +

+"I am afraid this is going to be a long war. There doesn't seem to be +a wizard in the country at all, and without one it is a little +difficult to know how to go on. I say my spell every now and +then—you remember the one: +

+ +

+ 'Bo, boll, bill bole.
+ Wo, woll, will, wole. '
+

+ +

+and it certainly keeps off dragons, but we don't seem to get any +nearer defeating the enemy's army. You might tell the Countess +Belvane that about my spell; she would be interested. +

+ +

+"To-morrow I go on with my fight with the King of Barodia. I feel +quite confident now that I can hold him. He parries well, but his +cutting is not very good. I am glad the Countess found my sword for +me; tell her that it has been most useful. +

+ +

+"I must now close as I must go to bed so as to be ready for my fight +to-morrow. Good-bye, dear. I am always, +

+ +

+ "YOUR LOVING FATHER.       
+

+ +

+"P.S.—I hope you are not finding your position too difficult. If you +are in any difficulties you should consult the Countess Belvane. I +think she would be able to advise you. Don't forget about that +ointment. Perhaps the Countess might know about some other kind. +It's for stiffness. I am afraid this is going to be a long war." +

+ +

+The King sealed up the letter and despatched it by special messenger +the next morning. It came to Hyacinth at a critical moment. We shall +see in the next chapter what effect it had upon her. +

+ +


+ +

+ +[Illustration: Detail of Wiggs meeting her Fairy] +

+ +

+CHAPTER VII +

+ +

+THE PRINCESS RECEIVES A LETTER AND WRITES ONE +

+ +

+The Princess Hyacinth came in from her morning's ride in a very bad +temper. She went straight up to her favourite seat on the castle +walls and sent for Wiggs. +

+ +

+"Wiggs," she said, "what's the matter with me?" +

+ +

+Wiggs looked puzzled. She had been dusting the books in the library; +and when you dust books you simply must stop every now and then to +take just one little peep inside, and then you look inside another one +and another one, and by the time you have finished dusting, your head +is so full of things you have seen that you have to be asked questions +very slowly indeed. +

+ +

+"I'm pretty, aren't I?" went on Hyacinth. +

+ +

+That was an easy one. +

+ +

+"Lovely!" said Wiggs, with a deep breath. +

+ +

+"And I'm not unkind to anybody?" +

+ +

+"Unkind!" said Wiggs indignantly. +

+ +

+"Then why—oh, Wiggs, I know it's silly of me, but it hurts me that +my people are so much fonder of the Countess than of me." +

+ +

+"Oh, I'm sure they're not, your Royal Highness." +

+ +

+"Well, they cheer her much louder than they cheer me." +

+ +

+Wiggs tried to think of a way of comforting her mistress, but her head +was still full of the last book she had dusted. +

+ +

+"Why should they be so fond of her?" demanded Hyacinth. +

+ +

+"Perhaps because she's so funny," said Wiggs. +

+ +

+"Funny! Is she funny?" said the Princess coldly. "She doesn't make +me laugh." +

+ +

+"Well, it was funny of her to make Woggs march round and round that +tree like that, wasn't it?" +

+ +

+"Like what? You don't mean——" The Princess's eyes were wide open +with astonishment. "Was that Woggs all the time?" +

+ +

+"Yes, your Royal Highness. Wasn't it lovely and funny of her?" +

+ +

+The Princess looked across to the forest and nodded to herself. +

+ +

+"Yes. That's it. Wiggs, I don't believe there has ever been an Army +at all. . . . And I pay them every week!" She added solemnly, "There +are moments when I don't believe that woman is quite honest." +

+ +

+"Do you mean she isn't good?" asked Wiggs in awe. +

+ +

+Hyacinth nodded. +

+ +

+"I'm never good," said Wiggs firmly. +

+ +

+"What do you mean, silly? You're the best little girl in Euralia." +

+ +

+"I'm not. I do awful things sometimes. Do you know what I did +yesterday?" +

+ +

+"Something terrible!" smiled Hyacinth. +

+ +

+"I tore my apron." +

+ +

+"You baby! That isn't being bad," said Hyacinth absently. She was +still thinking of that awful review. +

+ +

+"The Countess says it is." +

+ +

+"The Countess!" +

+ +

+"Do you know why I want to be very good?" said Wiggs, coming up +close to the Princess. +

+ +

+"Why, dear?" +

+ +

+"Because then I could dance like a fairy." +

+ +

+"Is that how it's done?" asked the Princess, rather amused. "The +Countess must dance very heavily." She suddenly remembered +something and added: "Why, of course, child, you were going to tell +me about a fairy you met, weren't you? That was weeks ago, though. +Tell me now. It will help me to forget things which make me rather +angry." +

+ +

+It was a simple little story. There must have been many like it in +the books which Wiggs had been dusting; but these were simple times, +and the oldest story always seemed new. +

+ +

+Wiggs had been by herself in the forest. A baby rabbit had run past +her, terrified; a ferret in pursuit. Wiggs had picked the little +fluffy thing up in her arms and comforted it; the ferret had slowed +down, walked past very indifferently with its hands, as it were, in +its pockets, hesitated a moment, and then remembered an important +letter which it had forgotten to post. Wiggs was left alone with the +baby rabbit, and before she knew where she was, the rabbit was gone +and there was a fairy in front of her. +

+ +

+ + + +

+ +

+"You have saved my life," said the fairy. "That was a wicked magician +after me, and if he had caught me then, he would have killed me." +

+ +

+"Please, your Fairiness, I didn't know fairies could die," said +Wiggs. +

+ +

+"They can when they take on animal shape or human shape. He could not +hurt me now, but before——" She shuddered. +

+ +

+"I'm so glad you're all right now," said Wiggs politely. +

+ +

+"Thanks to you, my child. I must reward you. Take this ring. When +you have been good for a whole day, you can have one good wish; when +you have been bad for a whole day, you can have one bad wish. One +good wish and one bad wish—that is all it will allow anybody to +have." +

+ +

+With these words she vanished and left Wiggs alone with the ring. +

+ +

+So, ever after that, Wiggs tried desperately hard to be good and have +the good wish, but it was difficult work. Something always went wrong; +she tore her apron or read books when she ought to have been dusting, +or—— Well, you or I would probably have given it up at once, and +devoted ourselves to earning the bad wish. But Wiggs was a nice +little girl. +

+ +

+"And, oh, I do so want to be good," said Wiggs earnestly to the +Princess, "so that I could wish to dance like a fairy." She had a +sudden anxiety. "That is a good wish, isn't it?" +

+ +

+"It's a lovely wish; but I'm sure you could dance now if you tried." +

+ +

+"I can't," said Wiggs. "I always dance like this." +

+ +

+She jumped up and danced a few steps. Wiggs was a dear little girl, +but her dancing reminded you of a very dusty road going up-hill all +the way, with nothing but suet-puddings waiting for you on the top. +Something like that. +

+ +

+"It isn't really graceful, is it?" she said candidly, as she came to +rest. +

+ +

+"Well, I suppose the fairies do dance better than that." +

+ +

+"So that's why I want to be good, so as I can have my wish." +

+ +

+"I really must see this ring," said the Princess. "It sounds +fascinating." She looked coldly in front of her and added, +"Good-morning, Countess." (How long had the woman been there?) +

+ +

+"Good-morning, your Royal Highness. I ventured to come up +unannounced. Ah, sweet child." She waved a caressing hand at Wiggs. +

+ +

+(Even if she had overheard anything, it had only been child's talk.) +

+ +

+"What is it?" asked the Princess. She took a firm hold of the arms of +her chair. She would not, not, not give way to the Countess +this time. +

+ +

+"The merest matter of business, your Royal Highness. Just this scheme +for the Encouragement of Literature. Your Royal Highness very wisely +decided that in the absence of the men on the sterner business of +fighting it was the part of us women to encourage the gentler arts; +and for this purpose . . . there was some talk of a competition, +and—er——" +

+ +

+"Ah, yes," said Hyacinth nervously. "I will look into that +to-morrow." +

+ +

+"A competition," said Belvane, gazing vaguely over Hyacinth's head. +"Some sort of a money prize," she added, as if in a trance. +

+ +

+"There should certainly be some sort of a prize," agreed the Princess. +(Why not, she asked herself, if one is to encourage literature?) +

+ +

+"Bags of gold," murmured Belvane to herself. "Bags and bags of gold. +Big bags of silver and little bags of gold." She saw herself tossing +them to the crowd. +

+ +

+"Well, we'll go into that to-morrow," said Hyacinth hastily. +

+ +

+"I have it all drawn up here," said Belvane. "Your Royal Highness has +only to sign. It saves so much trouble," she added with a disarming +smile. . . . She held the document out—all in the most beautiful +colours. +

+ +

+Mechanically the Princess signed. +

+ +

+"Thank you, your Royal Highness." She smiled again, and added, "And +now perhaps I had better see about it at once." The Guardian of +Literature took a dignified farewell of her Sovereign and withdrew. +

+ +

+Hyacinth looked at Wiggs in despair. +

+ +

+"There!" she said. "That's me. I don't know what it is about that +woman, but I feel just a child in front of her. Oh, Wiggs, Wiggs, I +feel so lonely sometimes with nothing but women all around me. I wish +I had a man here to help me." +

+ +

+"Are all the men fighting in all the countries?" +

+ +

+"Not all the countries. There's—Araby. Don't you remember—oh, but +of course you wouldn't know anything about it. But Father was just +going to ask Prince Udo of Araby to come here on a visit, when the war +broke out. Oh, I wish, I wish Father were back again." She laid +her head on her arms; and whether she would have shed a few royal +tears or had a good homely cry, I cannot tell you. For at that moment +an attendant came in. Hyacinth was herself again at once. +

+ +

+"There is a messenger approaching on a horse, your Royal Highness," +she announced. "Doubtless from His Majesty's camp." +

+ +

+With a shriek of delight, and an entire lack of royal dignity, the +Princess, followed by the faithful Wiggs, rushed down to receive him. +

+ +

+Meanwhile, what of the Countess? She was still in the Palace, and, +more than that, she was in the Throne Room of the Palace, and, more +even than that, she was on the Throne, of the Throne Room of the +Palace. +

+ +

+She couldn't resist it. The door was open as she came down from her +interview with the Princess, and she had to go in. There was a woman +in there, tidying up, who looked questioningly at Belvane as she +entered. +

+ +

+"You may leave," said the Countess with dignity. "Her Royal Highness +sent me in here to wait for her." +

+ +

+The woman curtsied and withdrew. +

+ +

+The Countess then uttered these extraordinary words: +

+ +

+"When I am Queen in Euralia they shall leave me backwards!" +

+ +

+Her subsequent behaviour was even more amazing. +

+ +

+She stood by the side of the door, and putting her hand to her mouth +said shrilly, "Ter-rum, ter-rum, terrumty-umty-um." Then she took her +hand away and announced loudly, "Her Majesty Queen Belvane the First!" +after which she cheered slightly. +

+ +

+Then in came Her Majesty, a very proper dignified gracious Queen—none +of your seventeen-year-old chits. Bowing condescendingly from side to +side she made her way to the Throne, and with a sweep of her train she +sat down. +

+ +

+Courtiers were presented to her; representatives from foreign +countries; Prince Hanspatch of Tregong, Prince Ulric, the Duke of +Highanlow. +

+ +

+"Ah, my dear Prince Hanspatch," she cried, stretching out her hand to +the right of her; "and you, dear Prince Ulric," with a graceful +movement of the left arm towards him; "and, dear Duke, you also!" +Her right hand, which Prince Hanspatch had by now finished with, went +out to the Duke of Highanlow that he too might kiss it. +

+ +

+But it was arrested in mid-air. She felt rather than saw that the +Princess was watching her in amazement from the doorway. +

+ +

+Without looking round she stretched out again first one arm and then +the other. Then, as if she had just seen the Princess, she jumped up +in a pretty confusion. +

+ +

+"Oh, your Royal Highness," she cried, "you caught me at my physical +exercises!" She gave a self-conscious little laugh. "My physical +exercises—a forearm movement." Once again she stretched out her arm. +"Building up the—er—building up—building up——" +

+ +

+Her voice died away, for the Princess still looked coldly at her. +

+ +

+"Charming, Countess," she said. "I am sorry to interrupt you, but I +have some news for you. You will like to know that I am inviting +Prince Udo of Araby here on a visit. I feel we want a little outside +help in our affairs." +

+ +

+"Prince Udo?" cried the Countess. "Here?" +

+ +

+"Have you any objection?" said Hyacinth. She found it easier to be +stern now, for the invitation had already been sent off by the hand of +the King's Messenger. Nothing that the Countess could say could +influence her. +

+ +

+"No objection, your Royal Highness; but it seems so strange. And then +the expense! Men are such hearty eaters. Besides," she looked with a +charming smile from the Princess to Wiggs, "we were all getting on so +nicely together! Of course if he just dropped in for afternoon tea +one day——" +

+ +

+"He will make a stay of some months, I hope." There were no wizards +in Barodia, and therefore the war would be a long one. It was this +which had decided Hyacinth. +

+ +

+"Of course," said Belvane, "whatever your Royal Highness wishes, but I +do think that His Majesty——" +

+ +

+"My dear Countess," said Hyacinth, with a smile, "the invitation has +already gone, so there's nothing more to be said, is there? Had you +finished your exercises? Yes? Then, Wiggs, will you conduct her +ladyship downstairs?" +

+ +

+She turned and left her. The Countess watched her go, and then stood +tragically in the middle of the room, clasping her diary to her +breast. +

+ +

+"This is terrible!" she said. "I feel years older." She held out +her diary at arm's length and said in a gloomy voice, "What an entry +for to-morrow!" The thought cheered her up a little. She began to +consider plans. How could she circumvent this terrible young man who +was going to put them all in their places. She wished that—— +

+ +

+All at once she remembered something. +

+ +

+"Wiggs," she said, "what was it I heard you saying to the Princess +about a wish?" +

+ +

+"Oh, that's my ring," said Wiggs eagerly. "If you've been good for a +whole day you can have a good wish. And my wish is that——" +

+ +

+"A wish!" said Belvane to herself. "Well, I wish that——" A sudden +thought struck her. "You said that you had to be good for a whole day +first?" +

+ +

+"Yes." +

+ +

+Belvane mused. +

+ +

+"I wonder what they mean by good," she said. +

+ +

+"Of course," explained Wiggs, "if you've been bad for a whole day you +can have a bad wish. But I should hate to have a bad wish, wouldn't +you?" +

+ +

+"Simply hate it, child," said Belvane. "Er—may I have a look at that +ring?" +

+ +

+"Here it is," said Wiggs; "I always wear it round my neck." +

+ +

+The Countess took it from her. +

+ +

+"Listen," she said. "Wasn't that the Princess calling you? Run +along, quickly, child." She almost pushed her from the room and +closed the door on her. +

+ +

+Alone again, she paced from end to end of the great chamber, her left +hand nursing her right elbow, her chin in her right hand. +

+ +

+"If you are good for a day," she mused, "you can have a good wish. If +you are bad for a day you can have a bad wish. Yesterday I drew ten +thousand pieces of gold for the Army; the actual expenses were what I +paid—what I owe Woggs. . . . I suppose that is what narrow-minded +people call being bad. . . . I suppose this Prince Udo would call it +bad. . . . I suppose he thinks he will marry the Princess and throw +me into prison." She flung her head back proudly. "Never!" +

+ +

+Standing in the middle of the great Throne Room, she held the ring up +in her two hands and wished. +

+ +

+"I wish," she said, and there was a terrible smile in her eyes, "I +wish that something very—very humorous shall happen to Prince Udo +on his journey." +

+ +


+ +

+ +[Illustration: Detail of Udo and Coronel on their journey] +

+ +

+CHAPTER VIII +

+ +

+PRINCE UDO SLEEPS BADLY +

+ +

+Everybody likes to make a good impression on his first visit, but +there were moments just before his arrival in Euralia when Prince Udo +doubted whether the affair would go as well as he had hoped. You +shall hear why. +

+ +

+He had been out hunting with his friend, the young Duke Coronel, and +was returning to the Palace when Hyacinth's messenger met him. He +took the letter from him, broke the seals, and unrolled it. +

+ +

+"Wait a moment, Coronel," he said to his friend. "This is going to be +an adventure of some sort, and if it's an adventure I shall want you +with me." +

+ +

+"I'm in no hurry," said Coronel, and he got off his horse and gave it +into the care of an attendant. The road crossed a stream here. +Coronel sat up on the little stone bridge and dropped pebbles idly +into the water. +

+ +

+The Prince read his letter. +

+ +

+Plop . . . Plop . . . Plop . . . Plop . . . +

+ +

+The Prince looked up from his letter. +

+ +

+"How many days' journey is it to Euralia?" he asked Coronel. +

+ +

+"How long did it take the messenger to come?" answered Coronel, +without looking up. (Plop. ) +

+ +

+"I might have thought of that myself," said Udo, "only this letter has +rather upset me." He turned to the messenger. "How long has it——?" +

+ +

+"Isn't the letter dated?" said Coronel. (Plop. ) +

+ +

+Udo paid no attention to this interruption and finished his question +to the messenger. +

+ +

+"A week, sire." +

+ +

+"Ride on to the castle and wait for me. I shall have a message for +you." +

+ +

+"What is it?" said Coronel, when the messenger had gone. "An +adventure?" +

+ +

+"I think so. I think we may call it that, Coronel." +

+ +

+"With me in it?" +

+ +

+"Yes, I think you will be somewhere in it." +

+ +

+Coronel stopped dropping his pebbles and turned to the Prince. +

+ +

+"May I hear about it?" +

+ +

+Udo help out the letter; then feeling that a lady's letter should be +private, drew it back again. He prided himself always on doing the +correct thing. +

+ +

+"It's from Princess Hyacinth of Euralia," he said; "she doesn't say +much. Her father is away fighting, and she is alone and she is in +some trouble or other. It ought to make rather a good adventure." +

+ +

+Coronel turned away and began to drop his pebbles into the stream +again. +

+ +

+"Well, I wish you luck," he said. "If it's a dragon, don't forget +that——" +

+ +

+"But you're coming, too," said Udo, in dismay. "I must have you with +me." +

+ +

+"Doing what?" +

+ +

+"What?" +

+ +

+"Doing what?" said Coronel again. +

+ +

+"Well," said Prince Udo awkwardly, "er—well, you—well." +

+ +

+He felt that it was a silly question for Coronel to have asked. +Coronel knew perfectly well what he would be doing all the time. In +Udo's absence he would be telling Princess Hyacinth stories of his +Royal Highness's matchless courage and wisdom. An occasional +discussion also with the Princess upon the types of masculine beauty, +leading up to casual mention of Prince Udo's own appearance, would be +quite in order. When Prince Udo was present Coronel would no doubt +find the opportunity of drawing Prince Udo out, an opportunity of +which a stranger could not so readily avail himself. +

+ +

+But of course you couldn't very well tell Coronel that. A man of any +tact would have seen it at once. +

+ +

+"Of course," he said, "don't come if you don't like. But it would +look rather funny if I went quite unattended; and—and her Royal +Highness is said to be very beautiful," he added lamely. +

+ +

+Coronel laughed. There are adventures and adventures; to sit next to +a very beautiful Princess and discuss with her the good looks of +another man was not the sort of adventure that Coronel was looking +for. +

+ +

+He tossed the remainder of his pebbles into the stream and stood up. +

+ +

+"Of course, if your Royal Highness wishes——" +

+ +

+"Don't be a fool, Coronel," said his Royal Highness, rather snappily. +

+ +

+"Well, then, I'll come with my good friend Udo if he wants me." +

+ +

+"I do want you." +

+ +

+"Very well, that settles it. After all," he added to himself, "there +may be two dragons." +

+ +

+Two dragons would be one each. But from all accounts there were not +two Princesses. +

+ +

+      * * * * *
+

+ +

+So three days later the friends set out with good hearts upon the +adventure. The messenger had been sent back to announce their +arrival; they gave him three days' start, and hoped to gain two days +upon him. In the simple fashion of those times (so it would seem from +Roger Scurvilegs) they set out with no luggage and no clear idea of +where they were going to sleep at night. This, after all, is the best +spirit in which to start a journey. It is the Gladstone bag which has +killed romance. +

+ +

+They started on a perfect summer day, and they rode past towers and +battlements, and by the side of sparkling streams, and came out into +the sunlight again above sleepy villages, and, as they rode, Coronel +sang aloud and Udo tossed his sword into the air and caught it again. +As evening fell they came to a woodman's cottage at the foot of a high +hill, and there they decided to rest for the night. An old woman came +out to welcome them. +

+ +

+"Good evening, your Royal Highness," she said. +

+ +

+ +[Illustration: As evening fell they came to a woodman's cottage at +the foot of a high hill, verso] +[Illustration: As evening fell they came to a woodman's cottage at the foot of a high hill, recto] +

+ +

+"You know me?" said Udo, more pleased than surprised. +

+ +

+"I know all who come into my house," said the old woman solemnly, "and +all who go away from it." +

+ +

+This sort of conversation made Coronel feel creepy. There seemed to +be a distinction between the people who came to the house and the +people who went away from it which he did not like. +

+ +

+"Can we stay here the night, my good woman?" said Udo. +

+ +

+"You have hurt your hand," she said, taking no notice of his question. +

+ +

+"It's nothing," said Udo hastily. On one occasion he had caught his +sword by the sharp end by mistake—a foolish thing to have done. +

+ +

+"Ah, well, since you won't want hands where you're going, it won't +matter much." +

+ +

+It was the sort of thing old women said in those days, and Udo did not +pay much attention to it. +

+ +

+"Yes, yes," he said; "but can you give my friend and myself a bed for +to-night?" +

+ +

+"Seeing that you won't be travelling together long, come in and +welcome." +

+ +

+She opened the door and they followed her in. +

+ +

+As they crossed the threshold, Udo half turned round and whispered +over his shoulder to Coronel, +

+ +

+"Probably a fairy. Be kind to her." +

+ +

+"How can one be kind to one's hostess?" said Coronel. "It's she who +has to be kind to us." +

+ +

+"Well, you know what I mean; don't be rude to her." +

+ +

+"My dear Udo, this to me—the pride of Araby, the favourite courtier +of his Majesty, the——" +

+ +

+"Oh, all right," said Udo. +

+ +

+"Sit down and rest yourselves," said the old woman. "There'll be +something in the pot for you directly." +

+ +

+"Good," said Udo. He looked approvingly at the large cauldron hanging +over the fire. It was a big fireplace for such a small room. So he +thought when he first looked at it, but as he gazed, the room seemed +to get bigger and bigger, and the fireplace to get farther and farther +away, until he felt that he was in a vast cavern cut deep into the +mountainside. He rubbed his eyes, and there he was in the small +kitchen again and the cauldron was sending out a savoury smell. +

+ +

+"There'll be something in it for all tastes," went on the old woman, +"even for Prince Udo's." +

+ +

+"I'm not so particular as all that," said Udo mildly. The room had +just become five hundred yards long again, and he was feeling quiet. +

+ +

+"Not now, but you will be." +

+ +

+She filled them a plate each from the pot; and pulling their chairs up +to the table, they fell to heartily. +

+ +

+"This is really excellent," said Udo, as he put down his spoon and +rested for a moment. +

+ +

+"You'd think you'd always like that, wouldn't you?" she said. +

+ +

+"I always shall be fond of anything so perfectly cooked." +

+ +

+"Ah," remarked the old woman thoughtfully. +

+ +

+Udo was beginning to dislike her particular style of conversation. It +seemed to carry the merest suggestion of a hint that something +unpleasant was going to happen to him. Nothing apparently was going +to happen to Coronel. He tried to drag Coronel into the conversation +in case the old woman had anything over for him. +

+ +

+"My friend and I," he said, "hope to be in Euralia the day after +to-morrow." +

+ +

+"No harm in hoping," was the answer. +

+ +

+"Dear me, is something going to happen to us on the way?" +

+ +

+"Depends what you call 'us.'" +

+ +

+Coronel pushed back his chair and got up. +

+ +

+"I know what's going to happen to me," he said. "I'm going to sleep." +

+ +

+"Well," said Udo, getting up too, "we've got a long day before us +to-morrow, and apparently we are in for an adventure—er, we are in +for an adventure of some sort." He looked anxiously at the old woman, +but she made no sign. "And so let's to bed." +

+ +

+"This way," said the old woman, and by the light of a candle she led +them upstairs. +

+ +

+      * * * * *
+

+ +

+Udo slept badly. He had a feeling (just as you have) that something +was going to happen to him; and it was with some surprise that he woke +up in the morning to find himself much as he was when he went to bed. +He looked at himself in the glass; he invited Coronel to gaze at him; +but neither could discover that anything was the matter. +

+ +

+"After all," said Udo, "I don't suppose she meant anything. These old +women get into a way of talking like that. If anybody is going to be +turned into anything, it's much more likely to be you." +

+ +

+"Is that why you brought me with you?" asked Coronel. +

+ +

+I suppose that by this time they had finished their dressing. Roger +Scurvilegs tells us nothing on such important matters; no doubt from +modesty. "Next morning they rose," he says, and disappoints us of a +picture of Udo brushing his hair. They rose and went down to +breakfast. +

+ +

+The old woman was in a less cryptic mood at breakfast. She was +particularly hospitable to Udo, and from some secret store produced an +unending variety of good things for him to eat. To Coronel it almost +looked as if she were fattening him up for something, but this +suggestion was received with such bad grace by Udo that he did not +pursue the subject. +

+ +

+As soon as breakfast was over they started off again. From one of the +many bags of gold he carried, Udo had offered some acknowledgment to +the old woman, but she had refused to take it. +

+ +

+"Nay, nay," she said. "I shall be amply rewarded before the day is +out." And she seemed to be smiling to herself as if she knew of some +joke which the Prince and Coronel did not yet share. +

+ +

+"I like to-day," said Coronel as they rode along. "There's a smell of +adventure in the air. Red roofs, green trees, blue sky, white road—I +could fall in love to-day." +

+ +

+"Who with?" said Udo suspiciously. +

+ +

+"Any one—that old woman, if you like." +

+ +

+"Oh, don't talk of her," said the Prince with a shudder. "Coronel, +hadn't you a sense of being out of some joke that she was in?" +

+ +

+"Perhaps we shall be in it before long. I could laugh very easily on +a morning like this." +

+ +

+"Oh, I can see a joke as well as any one," said Udo. "Don't be afraid +that I shan't laugh, too. No doubt it will make a good story, +whatever it is, to tell to the Princess Hyacinth. Coronel," he added +solemnly, the thought having evidently only just occurred to him, "I +am all impatience to help that poor girl in her trouble." And as if +to show his impatience, he suddenly gave the reins a shake and +cantered ahead of his companion. Smiling to himself, Coronel followed +at his leisure. +

+ +

+They halted at mid-day in a wood, and made a meal from some provisions +which the old woman had given them; and after they had eaten, Udo lay +down on a mossy bank and closed his eyes. +

+ +

+"I'm sleepy," he said; "I had a restless night. Let's stay here +awhile; after all, there's no hurry." +

+ +

+"Personally," said Coronel, "I'm all impatience to help that——" +

+ +

+"I tell you I had a very bad night," said Udo crossly. +

+ +

+"Oh, well, I shall go off and look for dragons. Coronel, the Dragon +Slayer. Good-bye." +

+ +

+"Only half an hour," said Udo. +

+ +

+"Right." +

+ +

+With a nod to the Prince he strolled off among the trees. +

+ +
+ +

[Illustration: Small decoration of Belvane writing in her diary.] +

+ +


+ +

+ +[Illustration: Detail of Udo in his animal form, coming out of some plants.] +

+ +

+CHAPTER IX +

+ +

+THEY ARE AFRAID OF UDO +

+ +

+This is a painful chapter for me to write. Mercifully it is to be a +short one. Later on I shall become used to the situation; inclined, +even, to dwell upon its humorous side; but for the moment I cannot see +beyond the sadness of it. That to a Prince of the Royal House of +Araby, and such an estimable young man as Udo, those things should +happen. Roger Scurvilegs frankly breaks down over it. "That +abominable woman," he says (meaning, of course, Belvane), and he has +hysterics for more than a page. +

+ +

+Let us describe it calmly. +

+ +

+Coronel came back from his stroll in the same casual way in which he +had started and dropped down lazily upon the grass to wait until Udo +was ready to mount. He was not thinking of Udo. He was wondering if +Princess Hyacinth had an attendant of surpassing beauty, or a dragon +of surpassing malevolence—if, in fact, there were any adventures in +Euralia for a humble fellow like himself. +

+ +

+"Coronel!" said a small voice behind him. +

+ +

+He turned round indifferently. +

+ +

+"Hullo, Udo, where are you?" he said. "Isn't it time we were +starting?" +

+ +

+"We aren't starting," said the voice. +

+ +

+"What's the matter? What are you hiding in the bushes for? +Whatever's the matter, Udo?" +

+ +

+"I'm not very well." +

+ +

+"My poor Udo, what's happened?" He jumped up and made towards him. +

+ +

+"Stop!" shrieked the voice. "I command you!" +

+ +

+Coronel stopped. +

+ +

+"Your Royal Highness's commands," he began rather coldly—— +

+ +

+There was an ominous sniffing from the bushes. +

+ +

+"Coronel," said an unhappy voice at last, "I think I'm coming out." +

+ +

+Wondering what it all meant, Coronel waited in silence. +

+ +

+"Yes, I am coming out, Coronel," said the voice. "But you mustn't be +surprised if I don't look very well. I'm—I'm—Coronel, here I am," +said Udo pathetically and he stepped out. +

+ +

+Coronel didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. +

+ +

+Poor Prince Udo! +

+ +

+[Illustration: "Coronel, here I am," said Udo pathetically, and he stepped out, verso] +[Illustration: "Coronel, here I am," said Udo pathetically, and he stepped out, recto] +

+ +

+He had the head and the long ears of a rabbit, and in some unfortunate +way a look of the real Prince Udo in spite of it. He had the mane and +the tail of a lion. In between the tail and the mane it is difficult +to say what he was, save that there was an impression of magnificence +about his person—such magnificence, anyhow, as is given by an +astrakhan-trimmed fur coat. +

+ +

+Coronel decided that it was an occasion for tact. +

+ +

+"Ah, here you are," he said cheerfully. "Shall we get along?" +

+ +

+"Don't be a fool, Coronel," said Udo, almost crying. "Don't pretend +that you can't see that I've got a tail." +

+ +

+"Why, bless my soul, so you have. A tail! Well, think of that!" +

+ +

+Udo showed what he thought of it by waving it peevishly. +

+ +

+"This is not a time for tact," he said. "Tell me what I look like." +

+ +

+Coronel considered for a moment. +

+ +

+"Really frankly?" he asked. +

+ +

+"Y—yes," said Udo nervously. +

+ +

+"Then, frankly, your Royal Highness looks—funny." +

+ +

+"Very funny?" said Udo wistfully. +

+ +

+"Very funny," said Coronel. +

+ +

+His Highness sighed. +

+ +

+"I was afraid so," he said. "That's the cruel part about it. Had I +been a lion there would have been a certain pathetic splendour about +my position. Isolated—cut off—suffering in regal silence." He +waved an explanatory paw. "Even in the most hideous of beasts there +might be a dignity." He meditated for a moment. "Have you ever seen +a yak, Coronel?" he asked. +

+ +

+"Never." +

+ +

+"I saw one once in Barodia. It is not a beautiful animal, Coronel; +but as a yak I should not have been entirely unlovable. One does not +laugh at a yak, Coronel, and where one does not laugh one may come to +love. . . . What does my head look like?" +

+ +

+"It looks—striking." +

+ +

+"I haven't seen it, you see." +

+ +

+"To one who didn't know your Royal Highness it would convey the +impression of a rabbit." +

+ +

+Udo laid his head between his paws and wept. +

+ +

+"A r—rabbit!" he sobbed. So undignified, so lacking in true pathos, +so—— And not even a whole rabbit," he added bitterly. +

+ +

+"How did it happen?" +

+ +

+"I don't know, Coronel. I just went to sleep, and woke up feeling +rather funny, and——" He sat up suddenly and stared at Coronel. "It +was that old woman did it. You mark my words, Coronel; she did it." +

+ +

+"Why should she?" +

+ +

+"I don't know. I was very polite to her. Don't you remember my +saying to you, 'Be polite to her, because she's probably a fairy!' +You see, I saw through her disguise at once. Coronel, what shall we +do? Let's hold a council of war and think it over." +

+ +

+So they held a council of war. +

+ +

+Prince Udo put forward two suggestions. +

+ +

+The first was that Coronel should go back on the morrow and kill the +old woman. +

+ +

+The second was that Coronel should go back that afternoon and kill the +old woman. +

+ +

+Coronel pointed out that as she had turned Prince Udo into—into +a—a—("Quite so," said Udo)—it was likely that she alone could turn +him back again, and that in that case he had better only threaten her. +

+ +

+"I want somebody killed," said Udo, rather naturally. +

+ +

+"Suppose," said Coronel, "you stay here for two days while I go back +and see the old witch, and make her tell me what she knows. She knows +something, I'm certain. Then we shall see better what to do." +

+ +

+Udo mused for a space. +

+ +

+"Why didn't they turn you into anything?" he asked. +

+ +

+"Really, I don't know. Perhaps because I'm too unimportant." +

+ +

+"Yes, that must be it." He began to feel a little brighter. +"Obviously, that's it." He caressed a whisker with one of his paws. +"They were afraid of me." +

+ +

+He began to look so much happier that Coronel thought it was a +favourable moment in which to withdraw. +

+ +

+"Shall I go now, your Royal Highness?" +

+ +

+"Yes, yes, you may leave me." +

+ +

+"And shall I find you here when I come back?" +

+ +

+"You may or you may not, Coronel; you may or you may not. . . . +Afraid of me," he murmured to himself. "Obviously." +

+ +

+"And if I don't?" +

+ +

+"Then return to the Palace." +

+ +

+"Good-bye, your Royal Highness." +

+ +

+Udo waved a paw at him. +

+ +

+"Good-bye, good-bye." +

+ +

+Coronel got on his horse and rode away. As soon as he was out of +earshot he began to laugh. Spasm after spasm shook him. No sooner +had he composed himself to gravity than a remembrance of Udo's +appearance started him off again. +

+ +

+"I couldn't have stayed with him a moment longer," he thought. "I +should have burst. Poor Udo! However, we'll soon get him all right." +

+ +

+That evening he reached the place where the cottage had stood, but it +was gone. Next morning he rode back to the wood. Udo was gone too. +He returned to the Palace, and began to think it out. +

+ +

+      * * * * *
+

+ +

+Left to himself Udo very soon made up his mind. There were three +courses open to him. +

+ +

+He might stay where he was till he was restored to health. +

+ +

+This he rejected at once. When you have the head of a rabbit, the +tail of a lion, and the middle of a woolly lamb, the need for action +of some kind is imperative. All the blood of your diverse ancestors +calls to you to be up and doing. +

+ +

+He might go back to Araby. +

+ +

+To Araby, where he was so well-known, so respected, so popular? To +Araby, where he rode daily among his father's subjects that they might +have the pleasure of cheering him? How awkward for everybody! +

+ +

+On to Euralia then? +

+ +

+Why not? The Princess Hyacinth had called for him. What devotion it +showed if he came to her even now—in his present state of bad health! +She was in trouble: enchanters, wizards, what-nots. Already, then, +he had suffered in her service—so at least he would say, and so +possibly it might be. Coronel had thought him—funny; but women had +not much sense of humour as a rule. Probably as a child Hyacinth had +kept rabbits . . . or lambs. She would find him—strokable. . . . +And the lion in him . . . in his tail, his fierce mane . . . she would +find that inspiring. Women like to feel that there is something +fierce, untamable in the man they love; well, there it was. +

+ +

+It was not as if he had Coronel with him. Coronel and he (in his +present health) could never have gone into Euralia together; the +contrast was too striking; but he alone, Hyacinth's only help! Surely +she would appreciate his magnanimity. +

+ +

+Also, as he had told himself a moment ago, there was quite a chance +that it was a Euralian enchanter who had put this upon him—to prevent +him helping Hyacinth. If so, he had better go to Euralia in order to +deal with that enchanter. For the moment, he did not see exactly how +to deal with him, but no doubt he would think of some tremendously +cunning device later on. +

+ +

+To Euralia then with all dispatch. +

+ +

+He trotted off. As Coronel had said, they were evidently afraid of +him. +

+ +


+ +

+[Illustration: Detail of Belvane on horseback and throwing something] +

+ + +

+CHAPTER X +

+ +

+CHARLOTTE PATACAKE ASTONISHES THE CRITICS +

+ +

+The Lady Belvane sits in her garden. She is very happy. An enormous +quill-pen, taken from a former favourite goose and coloured red, is in +her right hand. The hair of her dark head, held on one side, touches +the paper whereon she writes, and her little tongue peeps out between +her red lips. Her left hand taps the table—one-two, one-two, +one-two, one-two, one-two. She is composing. +

+ +

+Wonderful woman! +

+ +

+You remember that scene with the Princess Hyacinth? "I feel we want a +little outside help in our affairs." A fortnight of suspense before +Prince Udo arrived. What had the ring done to him? At the best, even +if there would be no Udo at all to interfere, nevertheless she knew +that she had lost her footing at the Palace. She and the Princess +would now be open enemies. At the worst—those magic rings were so +untrustworthy!—a Prince, still powerful, and now seriously annoyed, +might be leagued against her. +

+ +

+Yet she composed. +

+ +

+And what is she writing? She is entering for the competition in +connection with the Encouragement of Literature Scheme: the last +scheme which the Princess had signed. +

+ +

+I like to think of her peacefully writing at a time when her whole +future hung in the balance. Roger sneers at her. "Even now," he +says, "she was hoping to wring a last bag-full of gold from her +wretched country." I deny emphatically that she was doing anything of +the sort. She was entering for a duly authorised competition under +the pen-name of Charlotte Patacake. The fact that the Countess +Belvane, according to the provisions of the scheme, was sole judge of +the competition, is beside the point. Belvane's opinion of Charlotte +Patacake's poetry was utterly sincere, and uninfluenced in any way by +monetary considerations. If Patacake were rewarded the first prize it +would be because Belvane honestly thought she was worth it. +

+ +

+One other fact by way of defence against Roger's slanders. As judge, +Belvane had chosen the subject of the prize poems. Now Belvane and +Patacake both excelled in the lighter forms of lyrical verse; yet the +subject of the poem was to be epic. "The Barodo-Euralian War"—no +less. How many modern writers would be as fair? +

+ +

+"THE BARODO-EURALIAN WAR." +

+ +

+This line is written in gold, and by itself would obtain a prize in +any local competition. +

+ +

+ King Merriwig the First rode out to war
+ As many other kings had done before!
+ Five hundred men behind him marched to fight—
+

+ +

+There follows a good deal of scratching out, and then comes (a sudden +inspiration) this sublimely simple line: +

+ +

+ Left-right, left-right, left-right, left-right, left-right.
+

+ +

+One can almost hear the men moving. +

+ +

+ What gladsome cheers assailed the balmy air—
+ They came from north, from south, from everywhere!
+ No wight that stood upon that sacred scene
+ Could gaze upon the sight unmoved, I ween:
+ No wight that stood upon that sacred spot
+ Could gaze upon the sight unmoved, I wot:
+

+ +

+It is not quite clear whether the last couplet is an alternative to +the couplet before or is purposely added in order to strengthen it. +Looking over her left shoulder it seems to me that there is a line +drawn through the first one, but I cannot see very clearly because of +her hair, which will keep straying over the page. +

+ +

+ Why do they march so fearless and so bold?
+ The answer is not very quickly told.
+ To put it shortly, the Barodian king
+ Insulted Merriwig like anything—
+ King Merriwig, the dignified and wise,
+ Who saw him flying over with surprise,
+ As did his daughter, Princess Hyacinth.
+

+ +

+This was as far as she had got. +

+ +

+She left the table and began to walk round her garden. There is +nothing like it for assisting thought. However, to-day it was not +helping much; she went three times round and still couldn't think of a +rhyme for Hyacinth. "Plinth" was a little difficult to work in; +"besides," she reminded herself, "I don't quite know what it means." +Belvane felt as I do about poetry: that however incomprehensible it +may be to the public, the author should be quite at ease with it. +

+ +

+She added up the lines she had written already—seventeen. If she +stopped there, it would be the only epic that had stopped at the +seventeenth line. +

+ +

+She sighed, stretched her arms, and looked up at the sky. The weather +was all against her. It was the ideal largesse morning. . . . +

+ +

+Twenty minutes later she was on her cream-white palfrey. Twenty-one +minutes later Henrietta Crossbuns had received a bag of gold neatly +under the eye, as she bobbed to her Ladyship. To this extent only did +H. Crossbuns leave her mark upon Euralian history; but it was a mark +which lasted for a full month. +

+ +

+Hyacinth knew nothing of all this. She did not even know that Belvane +was entering for the prize poem. She had forgotten her promise to +encourage literature in the realm. +

+ +

+And why? Ah, ladies, can you not guess why? She was thinking of +Prince Udo of Araby. What did he look like? Was he dark or fair? +Did his hair curl naturally or not? +

+ +

+Was he wondering at all what she looked like? +

+ +

+Wiggs had already decided that he was to fall in love with her Royal +Highness and marry her. +

+ +

+"I think," said Wiggs, "that he'll be very tall, and have lovely blue +eyes and golden hair." +

+ +

+This is what they were like in all the books she had ever dusted; like +this were the seven Princes (now pursuing perilous adventures in +distant countries) to whom the King had promised Hyacinth's +hand—Prince Hanspatch of Tregong, Prince Ulric, the Duke of +Highanlow, and all the rest of them. Poor Prince Ulric! In the +moment of victory he was accidentally fallen upon by the giant whom he +was engaged in undermining, and lost all appetite for adventure +thereby. Indeed, in his latter years he was alarmed by anything +larger than a goldfish, and lived a life of strictest seclusion. +

+ +

+ + + +

+ +

+"I think he'll be dark," said Hyacinth. Her own hair was +corn-coloured. +

+ +

+Poor Prince Hanspatch of Tregong; I've just remembered about him—no, +I haven't, it was the Duke of Highanlow. Poor Duke of Highanlow! A +misunderstanding with a wizard having caused his head to face the +wrong way round, he was so often said good-bye to at the very moment +of arrival, that he gradually lost his enthusiasm for social +enterprises and confined himself to his own palace, where his +acrobatic dexterity in supplying himself with soup was a constant +source of admiration to his servants. . . . +

+ +

+However, it was Prince Udo of whom they were thinking now. The +Messenger had returned from Araby; his Royal Highness must be expected +on the morrow. +

+ +

+"I do hope he'll be comfortable in the Purple Room," said Hyacinth. +"I wonder if it wouldn't have been better to have left him in the Blue +Room, after all." +

+ +

+They had had him in the Blue Room two days ago, until Hyacinth thought +that perhaps he would be more comfortable in the Purple Room, after +all. +

+ +

+"The Purple Room has the best view," said Wiggs helpfully. +

+ +

+"And it gets the sun. Wiggs, don't forget to put some flowers there. +And have you given him any books?" +

+ +

+"I gave him two," said Wiggs. "Quests for Princes, and Wild +Animals at Home." +

+ +

+"Oh, I'm sure he'll like those. Now let's think what we shall do when +he comes. He'll arrive some time in the afternoon. Naturally he will +want a little refreshment." +

+ +

+"Would he like a picnic in the forest?" asked Wiggs. +

+ +

+"I don't think any one wants a picnic after a long journey." +

+ +

+"I love picnics." +

+ +

+"Yes, dear; but, you see, Prince Udo's much older than you, and I +expect he's had so many picnics that he's tired of them. I suppose +really I ought to receive him in the Throne Room, but that's +so—so——" +

+ +

+"Stuffy," said Wiggs. +

+ +

+"That's just it. We should feel uncomfortable with each other the +whole time. I think I shall receive him up here; I never feel so +nervous in the open air." +

+ +

+"Will the Countess be here?" asked Wiggs. +

+ +

+"No," said the Princess coldly. "At least," she corrected herself, +"she will not be invited. Good afternoon, Countess." It was like +her, thought Hyacinth, to arrive at that very moment. +

+ +

+Belvane curtsied low. +

+ +

+"Good afternoon, your Royal Highness. I am here purely on a matter of +business. I thought it my duty to inform your Royal Highness of the +result of the Literature prize." She spoke meekly, and as one who +forgave Hyacinth for her unkindness towards her. +

+ +

+"Certainly, Countess. I shall be glad to hear." +

+ +

+The Countess unrolled a parchment. +

+ +

+"The prize has been won," she said, "by——" she held the parchment a +little closer to her eyes, "by Charlotte Patacake." +

+ +

+"Oh, yes. Who is she?" +

+ +

+"A most deserving woman, your Royal Highness. If she is the woman I'm +thinking of, a most deserving person, to whom the money will be more +than welcome. Her poem shows a sense of values combined +with—er—breadth, and—er—distance, such as I have seldom seen +equalled. The—er—technique is only excelled by the—shall I +say?—tempermentality, the boldness of the colouring, by the—how +shall I put it?—the firmness of the outline. In short——" +

+ +

+"In short," said the Princess, "you like it." +

+ +

+"Your Royal Highness, it is unique. But naturally you will wish to +hear it for yourself. It is only some twelve hundred lines long. I +will declaim it to your Royal Highness." +

+ +

+She held the manuscript out at the full length of her left arm, struck +an attitude with the right arm, and began in her most thrilling voice: +

+ +

+ "King Merriwig the First rode out to war,
+  As many other kings——"
+

+ +

+"Yes, Countess, but another time. I am busy this afternoon. As you +know, I think, the Prince Udo of Araby arrives to-morrow, and——" +

+ +

+Belvane's lips were still moving, and her right arm swayed up and +down. "What gladsome cheers assailed the balmy air!" she murmured +to herself, and her hand when up to heaven. "They come from north, +from south" (she pointed in the directions mentioned), "from +everywhere. No wight that stood——" +

+ +

+"He will be received privately up here by myself in the first place, +and afterwards——" +

+ +

+"Could gaze upon the sight unmoved, I wot," whispered Belvane, and +placed her hand upon her breast to show that anyhow it had been too +much for her. "Why do they march so—— I beg your Royal +Highness's pardon. I was so carried away by this wonderful poem. I +do beg of your Royal Highness to read it." +

+ +

+The Princess waved the manuscript aside. +

+ +

+"I am not unmindful of the claims of literature, Countess, and I shall +certainly read the poem another time. Meanwhile I can, I hope, trust +you to see that the prize is awarded to the rightful winner. What I +am telling you now is that the Prince Udo is arriving to-morrow." +

+ +

+Belvane looked innocently puzzled. +

+ +

+"Prince Udo—Udo—would that be Prince Udo of Carroway, your Royal +Highness? A tall man with three legs?" +

+ +

+"Prince Udo of Araby," said Hyacinth severely. "I think I have +already mentioned him to your ladyship. He will make a stay of some +months." +

+ +

+"But how delightful, your Royal Highness, to see a man again! We +were all getting so dull together! We want a man to wake us up a +little, don't we, Wiggs? I will go and give orders about his room at +once, your Royal Highness. You will wish him to be in the Purple +Room, of course?" +

+ +

+That settled it. +

+ +

+"He will be in the Blue Room," said Hyacinth decidedly. +

+ +

+"Certainly, your Royal Highness. Fancy, Wiggs, a man again! I will +go and see about it now, if I may have your Royal Highness's leave to +withdraw?" +

+ +

+A little mystified by Belvane's manner, Hyacinth inclined her head, +and the Countess withdrew. +

+ +

+

+ +

+

+ +


+ +

+ +[Illustration: Detail of Udo as an animal] +

+ +

+CHAPTER XI +

+ +

+WATERCRESS SEEMS TO GO WITH THE EARS +

+ +

+Wiggs gave a parting pat to the tablecloth and stood looking at it +with her head on one side. +

+ +

+"Now, then," she said, "have we got everything?" +

+ +

+"What about sardines?" said Woggs in her common way. (I don't know +what she's doing in this scene at all, but Roger Scurvilegs insists on +it.) +

+ +

+"I don't think a Prince would like sardines," said Wiggs. +

+ +

+"If I'd been on a long journey, I'd love sardines. It is a very +long journey from Araby, isn't it?" +

+ +

+"Awful long. Why, it's taken him nearly a week. Perhaps," she added +hopefully, "he's had something on the way." +

+ +

+"Perhaps he took some sandwiches with him," said Woggs, thinking that +this would be a good thing to do. +

+ +

+"What do you think he'll be like, Woggs?" +

+ +

+Woggs though for a long time. +

+ +

+"Like the King," she said. "Only different," she added, as an +afterthought. +

+ +

+Up came the Princess for the fifth time that afternoon, all +excitement. +

+ +

+"Well," she said, "is everything ready?" +

+ +

+"Yes, your Royal Highness. Except Woggs and me didn't quite know +about sardines." +

+ +

+The Princess laughed happily. +

+ +

+"I think there will be enough there for him. It all looks very nice." +

+ +

+She turned round and discovered behind her the last person she wanted +to see just then. +

+ +

+The-last-person-she-wanted-to-see-just-then curtsied effectively. +

+ +

+"Forgive me, your Royal Highness," she said profusely, "but I thought +I had left Charlotte Patacake's priceless manuscript up here. No; +evidently I was mistaken, your Royal Highness. I will withdraw, your +Royal Highness, as I know your Royal Highness would naturally wish to +receive his Royal Highness alone." +

+ +

+Listening to this speech one is impressed with Woggs' method of +calling everybody "Mum." +

+ +

+"Not at all, Countess," said Hyacinth coldly. "We would prefer you to +stay and help us receive his Royal Highness. He is a little late, I +think." +

+ +

+Belvane looked unspeakably distressed. +

+ +

+"Oh, I do hope that nothing has happened to him on the way," she +exclaimed. "I've an uneasy feeling that something may have occurred." +

+ +

+ +[Illustration: Princess Hyacinth gave a shriek and faltered slowly backwards, verso] +[Illustration: Princess Hyacinth gave a shriek and faltered slowly backwards, recto] +

+ +

+"What could have happened to him?" asked Hyacinth, not apparently very +much alarmed. +

+ +

+"Oh, your Royal Highness, it's just a sort of silly feeling of mine. +There may be nothing in it." +

+ +

+There was a noise of footsteps from below; a man's voice was heard. +The Princess and the Countess, both extremely nervous, but from +entirely different reasons, arranged suitable smiles of greeting upon +their faces; Wiggs and Woggs stood in attitudes of appropriate +meekness by the table. The Court Painter could have made a beautiful +picture of it. +

+ +

+"His Royal Highness Prince Udo of Araby," announced the voice of an +attendant. +

+ +

+"A nervous moment," said Belvane to herself. "Can the ring have +failed to act?" +

+ +

+Udo trotted in. +

+ +

+"It hasn't," said Belvane. +

+ +

+Princess Hyacinth gave a shriek, and faltered slowly backwards; Wiggs, +who was familiar with these little accidents in the books which she +dusted, and Woggs, who had a natural love for any kind of animal, +stood their ground. +

+ +

+"Whatever is it?" murmured Hyacinth. +

+ +

+It was as well that Belvane was there. +

+ +

+"Allow me to present to your Royal Highness," she said, stepping +forward, "his Royal Highness Prince Udo of Araby." +

+ +

+"Prince Udo?" said Hyacinth, all unwilling to believe it. +

+ +

+"I'm afraid so," said Udo gloomily. He had thought over this meeting +a good deal in the last two or three days, and he realised now that he +had underestimated the difficulties of it. +

+ +

+Hyacinth remembered that she was a Princess and a woman. +

+ +

+"I'm delighted to welcome your Royal Highness to Euralia," she said. +"Won't you sit down—I mean up—er, down." (How did rabbits sit? +Or whatever he was?) +

+ +

+Udo decided to sit up. +

+ +

+"Thank you. You've no idea how difficult it is to talk on four legs +to somebody higher up. It strains the neck so." +

+ +

+There was an awkward silence. Nobody quite knew what to say. +

+ +

+Except Belvane. +

+ +

+She turned to Udo with her most charming smile. "Did you have a +pleasant journey?" she asked sweetly. +

+ +

+"No," said Udo coldly. +

+ +

+"Oh, do tell us what happened to you?" cried Hyacinth. "Did you meet +some terrible enchanter on the way? Oh, I am so dreadfully sorry." +

+ +

+When one is not feeling very well there is a certain type of question +which is always annoying. +

+ +

+"Can't you see what's happened to me?" said Udo crossly. "I don't +know how it happened. I had come two days' journey from Araby, +when——" +

+ +

+"Please, your Royal Highness," said Wiggs, "is this your tail in the +salt?" She took it out, gave it a shake, and handed it back to him. +

+ +

+"Oh, thank you, thank you—two days' journey from Araby when I woke up +one afternoon and found myself like this. I ask you to imagine my +annoyance. My first thought naturally was to return home and hide +myself; but I told myself, Princess, that you wanted me." +

+ +

+The Princess could not help being touched by this, said as it was with +a graceful movement of the ears and a caressing of the right whisker, +but she wondered a little what she would do with him now that she had +got him. +

+ +

+"Er—what are you?" put in Belvane kindly, knowing how men are +always glad to talk about themselves. +

+ +

+Udo had caught sight of a well-covered table, and was looking at it +with a curious mixture of hope and resignation. +

+ +

+"Very, very hungry," he said, speaking with the air of one who knows. +

+ +

+The Princess, whose mind had been travelling, woke up suddenly. +

+ +

+"Oh, I was forgetting my manners," she said with a smile for which the +greediest would have forgiven her. "Let us sit down and refresh +ourselves. May I present to your Royal Highness the Countess +Belvane." +

+ +

+"Do I shake hands or pat him?" murmured that mistress of Court +etiquette, for once at a loss. +

+ +

+Udo placed a paw over his heart and bowed profoundly. +

+ +

+"Charmed," he said gallantly, and coming from a cross between a lion, +a rabbit, and a woolly lamb the merest suggestion of gallantry has a +most pleasing effect. +

+ +

+They grouped themselves round the repast. +

+ +

+"A little sherbet, your Royal Highness?" said Hyacinth, who presided +over the bowl. +

+ +

+Udo was evidently longing to say yes, but hesitated. +

+ +

+"I wonder if I dare." +

+ +

+"It's very good sherbet," said Wiggs, to encourage him. +

+ +

+"I'm sure it is, my dear. But the question is, Do I like sherbet?" +

+ +

+"You can't help knowing if you like sherbet." +

+ +

+"Don't bother him, Wiggs," said Hyacinth, "a venison sandwich, dear +Prince?" +

+ +

+"The question is, Do I like venison sandwiches?" +

+ +

+"I do," announced Woggs to any one who was interested. +

+ +

+"You see," explained Udo, "I really don't know what I like." +

+ +

+They were all surprised at this, particularly Woggs. Belvane, who was +enjoying herself too much to wish to do anything but listen, said +nothing, and it was the Princess who obliged Udo by asking him what he +meant. It was a subject upon which he was longing to let himself go +to somebody. +

+ +

+"Well," he said, expanding himself a little, so that Wiggs had to +remove his tail this time from the custard, "what am I?" +

+ +

+Nobody ventured to offer an opinion. +

+ +

+"Am I a hare? Then put me next to the red currant jelly, or whatever +it is that hares like." +

+ +

+The anxious eye of the hostess wandered over the table. +

+ +

+"Am I a lion?" went on Udo, developing his theme. "Then pass me +Wiggs." +

+ +

+"Oh, please don't be a lion," said Wiggs gently, as she stroked his +mane. +

+ +

+"But haven't you a feeling for anything?" asked Hyacinth. +

+ +

+"I have a great feeling of emptiness. I yearn for something, only I +don't quite know what." +

+ +

+"I hope it isn't sardines," whispered Wiggs to Woggs. +

+ +

+"But what have you been eating on the way?" asked the Princess. +

+ +

+"Oh, grass and things chiefly. I thought I should be safe with +grass." +

+ +

+"And were you—er—safe?" asked Belvane, with a great show of anxiety. +

+ +

+Udo coughed and said nothing. +

+ +

+"I know it's silly of me," said Hyacinth, "but I still don't quite +understand. I should have thought that if you were a—a——" +

+ +

+"Quite so," said Udo. +

+ +

+"—then you would have known by instinct what a—a——" +

+ +

+"Exactly," said Udo. +

+ +

+"Likes to eat." +

+ +

+"Ah, I thought you'd think that. That's just what I thought when +this—when I began to feel unwell. But I've worked it out since, and +it's all wrong." +

+ +

+"This is interesting," said Belvane, settling herself more +comfortably. "Do go on." +

+ +

+"Well, when——" He coughed and looked round at them coyly. "This is +really rather a delicate subject." +

+ +

+"Not at all," murmured Hyacinth. +

+ +

+"Well, it's like this. When an enchanter wants to annoy you he +generally turns you into an animal of some kind." +

+ +

+Belvane achieved her first blush since she was seventeen. +

+ +

+"It is a humorous way they have," she said. +

+ +

+"But suppose you really were an animal altogether, it wouldn't annoy +you at all. An elephant isn't annoyed at being an elephant; he just +tries to be a good elephant, and he'd be miserable if he couldn't do +things with his trunk. The annoying thing is to look like an elephant, +to have the very complicated—er—inside of an elephant, and yet all +the time really to be a man." +

+ +

+They were all intensely interested. Woggs thought that it was going +to lead up to a revelation of what sort of animal Prince Udo really +was, but in this she was destined to be disappointed. After all there +were advantages in Udo's present position. As a man he had never been +listened to so attentively. +

+ +

+"Now suppose for a moment I am a lion. I have the—er—delicate +apparatus of a lion, but the beautiful thoughts and aspirations of a +Prince. Thus there is one—er—side of me which craves for raw beef, +but none the less there is a higher side of me" (he brought his paw up +towards his heart), "which—well, you know how you'd feel about it +yourself." +

+ +

+The Princess shuddered. +

+ +

+"I should," she said, with conviction. +

+ +

+Belvane was interested, but thought it all a little crude. +

+ +

+"You see the point," went on Udo. "A baby left to itself doesn't know +what is good for it. Left to itself it would eat anything. Now turn +a man suddenly into an animal and he is in exactly the same state as +that baby." +

+ +

+"I hadn't thought of it like that," said Hyacinth. +

+ +

+"I've had to think of it! Now let us proceed further with the +matter." Udo was thoroughly enjoying himself. He had not had such a +time since he had given an address on Beetles to all the leading +citizens of Araby at his coming-of-age. "Suppose again that I am a +lion. I know from what I have read or seen that raw meat agrees best +with the lion's—er—organisation, and however objectionable it might +look I should be foolish not to turn to it for sustenance. But if you +don't quite know what animal you're supposed to be, see how difficult +the problem becomes. It's a question of trying all sorts of horrible +things in order to find out what agrees with you." His eyes took on a +faraway look, a look in which the most poignant memories seem to be +reflected. "I've been experimenting," he said, "for the last three +days." +

+ +

+They all gazed sadly and sympathetically at him. Except Belvane. She +of course wouldn't. +

+ +

+"What went best?" she asked brightly. +

+ +

+"Oddly enough," said Udo, cheering up a little, "banana fritters. +Have you ever kept any animal who lived entirely on banana fritters?" +

+ +

+"Never," smiled the Princess. +

+ +

+"Well, that's the animal I probably am." He sighed and added, "There +were one or two animals I wasn't." For a little while he seemed to be +revolving bitter memories, and then went on, "I don't suppose any of +you here have any idea how very prickly thistles are when they are +going down. Er—may I try a watercress sandwich? It doesn't suit the +tail, but it seems to go with the ears." He took a large bite and +added through the leaves, "I hope I don't bore you, Princess, with my +little troubles." +

+ +

+Hyacinth clasped his paw impulsively. +

+ +

+"My dear Prince Udo, I'm only longing to help. We must think of some +way of getting this horrible enchantment off you. There are so many +wise books in the library, and my father has composed a spell +which—oh, I'm sure we shall soon have you all right again." +

+ +

+Udo took another sandwich. +

+ +

+"Very good of you, Princess, to say so. You understand how annoying a +little indisposition of this kind is to a man of my temperament." He +beckoned to Wiggs. "How do you make these?" he asked in an undertone. +

+ +

+Gracefully undulating, Belvane rose from her seat. +

+ +

+"Well," she said, "I must go and see that the stable——" she broke +off in a pretty confusion—"How silly of me, I mean the Royal +Apartment is prepared. Have I your Royal Highness's leave to +withdraw?" +

+ +

+She had. +

+ +

+"And, Wiggs, dear, you too had better run along and see if you can +help. You may leave the watercress sandwiches," she added, as Wiggs +hesitated for a moment. +

+ +

+With a grateful look at her Royal Highness Udo helped himself to +another one. +

+ +

+

+ +

+

+ +


+ +

+ +[Illustration: Detail of a child with a very large boot] +

+ +

+CHAPTER XII +

+ +

+WE DECIDE TO WRITE TO UDO'S FATHER +

+ +

+"Now, my dear Princess," said Udo, as soon as they were alone. "Let +me know in what way I can help you." +

+ +

+"Oh, Prince Udo," said Hyacinth earnestly, "it is so good of you to +have come. I feel that this—this little accident is really my fault +for having asked you here." +

+ +

+"Not at all, dear lady. It is the sort of little accident that might +have happened to anybody, anywhere. If I can still be of assistance +to you, pray inform me. Though my physical powers may not for the +moment be quite what they were, I flatter myself that my mental +capabilities are in no way diminished." He took another bite of his +sandwich and wagged his head wisely at her. +

+ +

+"Let's come over here," said Hyacinth. +

+ +

+She moved across to an old stone seat in the wall, Udo following with +the plate, and made room for him by her side. There is, of course, a +way of indicating to a gentleman that he may sit next to you on the +Chesterfield, and tell you what he has been doing in town lately, and +there is also another way of patting the sofa for Fido to jump up and +be-a-good-dog-and-lie-down-sir. Hyacinth achieved something very +tactful in between, and Udo jumped up gracefully. +

+ +

+"Now we can talk," said Hyacinth. "You noticed that lady, the +Countess Belvane, whom I presented to you?" +

+ +

+Udo nodded. +

+ +

+"What did you think of her?" +

+ +

+Udo was old enough to know what to say to that. +

+ +

+"I hardly looked at her," he said. And he added with a deep bow, +"Naturally when your Royal Highness—oh, I beg your pardon, are my +ears in your way?" +

+ +

+"It's all right," said Hyacinth, rearranging her hair. "Well, it was +because of that woman that I sent for you." +

+ +

+"But I can't marry her like this, your Royal Highness." +

+ +

+Hyacinth turned a startled face towards him. Udo perceived that he +had blundered. To hide his confusion he took another sandwich and ate +it very quickly. +

+ +

+"I want your help against her," said Hyacinth, a little distantly; +"she is plotting against me." +

+ +

+"Oh, your Royal Highness, now I see," said Udo, and he wagged his head +as much as to say, "You've come to the right man this time." +

+ +

+ + + +

+ +

+"I don't trust her," said Hyacinth impressively. +

+ +

+"Well, now, Princess, I'm not surprised. I'll tell you something +about that woman." +

+ +

+"Oh, what?" +

+ +

+"Well, when I was announced just now, what happened? You, yourself, +Princess, were not unnaturally a little alarmed; those two little +girls were surprised and excited; but what of this Countess Belvane? +What did she do?" +

+ +

+"What did she do?" +

+ +

+"Nothing," said Udo impressively. "She was neither surprised nor +alarmed." +

+ +

+"Why, now I come to think of it, I don't believe she was." +

+ +

+"And yet," said Udo half pathetically, half proudly, "Princes don't +generally look like this. Now, why wasn't she surprised?" +

+ +

+Hyacinth looked bewildered. +

+ +

+"Did she know you were sending for me?" Udo went on. +

+ +

+"Yes." +

+ +

+"Because you had found out something about her?" +

+ +

+"Yes." +

+ +

+"Then depend upon it, she's done it. What a mind that woman must +have!" +

+ +

+"But how could she do it?" exclaimed Hyacinth. "Of course it's just +the sort of thing she would do if she could." +

+ +

+Udo didn't answer. He was feeling rather annoyed with Belvane, and +had got off his seat and was trotting up and down so as not to show +his feelings before a lady. +

+ +

+"How could she do it?" implored Hyacinth. +

+ +

+"Oh, she's in with some enchanter or somebody," said Udo impatiently +as he trotted past. +

+ +

+Suddenly he had an idea. He stopped in front of her. +

+ +

+"If only I were sure I was a lion." +

+ +

+He tried to roar, exclaimed hastily that it was only a practice one, +and roared again. "No, I don't think I'm a lion after all," he +admitted sadly. +

+ +

+"Well," said Hyacinth, "we must think of a plan." +

+ +

+"We must think of a plan," said Udo, and he came and sat meekly beside +her again. He could conceal it from himself no longer that he was not +a lion. The fact depressed him. +

+ +

+"I suppose I have been weak," went on Hyacinth, "but ever since the +men went away she has been the ruling spirit of the country. I think +she is plotting against me; I know she is robbing me. I asked you +here so that you could help me to find her out." +

+ +

+Udo nodded his head importantly. +

+ +

+"We must watch her," he announced. +

+ +

+"We must watch her," agreed Hyacinth. "It may take months——" +

+ +

+"Did you say months?" said Udo, turning to her excitedly. +

+ +

+"Yes, why?" +

+ +

+"Well, it's——" he gave a deprecating little cough. "I know it's +very silly of me but—oh, well, let's hope it will be all right." +

+ +

+"Why, whatever is the matter?" +

+ +

+Udo was decidedly embarrassed. He wriggled. He drew little circles +with his hind paw on the ground and he shot little coy glances at her. +

+ +

+"Well, I"—and he gave a little nervous giggle—"I have a sort of +uneasy feeling that I may be one of those animals"—he gave another +conscious little laugh—"that have to go to sleep all through the +winter. It would be very annoying—if I"—his paw became very busy +here—"if I had to dig a little hole in the ground, just when the plot +was thickening." +

+ +

+"Oh, but you won't," said Hyacinth, in distress. +

+ +

+They were both silent for a moment, thinking of the awful +possibilities. Udo's tail had fallen across Hyacinth's lap, and she +began to play with it absently. +

+ +

+"Anyway," she said hopefully, "it's only July now." +

+ +

+"Ye—es," said Udo. "I suppose I should get—er—busy about November. +We ought to find out something before then. First of all we'd +better—— Oh!" He started up in dismay. "I've just had a +horrible thought. Don't I have to collect a little store of nuts +and things?" +

+ +

+"Surely——" +

+ +

+"I should have to start that pretty soon," said Udo thoughtfully. +"You know, I shouldn't be very handy at it. Climbing about after +nuts," he went on dreamily, "what a life for a——" +

+ +

+"Oh, don't!" pleaded Hyacinth. "Surely only squirrels do that?" +

+ +

+"Yes—yes. Now, if I were a squirrel. I should—may I have my tail +for a moment?" +

+ +

+"Oh, I'm so sorry," said Hyacinth, very much confused as she realised +the liberty she had been taking, and she handed his tail back to him. +

+ +

+"Not at all," said Udo. +

+ +

+He took it firmly in his right hand. "Now then," he said, "we shall +see. Watch this." +

+ +

+Sitting on his back legs he arched his tail over his head, and letting +go of it suddenly, began to nibble at a sandwich held in his two front +paws. . . . +

+ +

+A pretty picture for an artist. +

+ +

+But a bad model. The tail fell with a thud to the ground. +

+ +

+"There!" said Udo triumphantly. "That proves it. I'm not a +squirrel." +

+ +

+"Oh, I'm so glad," said Hyacinth, completely convinced, as any one +would have been, by this demonstration. +

+ +

+"Yes, well, that's all right then. Now we can make our plans. First +of all we'd better——" He stopped suddenly, and Hyacinth saw that he +was gazing at his tail. +

+ +

+"Yes?" she said encouragingly. +

+ +

+He picked up his tail and held it out in front of him. There was a +large knot in the middle of it. +

+ +

+"Now, what have I forgotten?" he said, rubbing his head +thoughtfully. +

+ +

+Poor Hyacinth! +

+ +

+"Oh, dear Prince Udo, I'm so sorry. I'm afraid I did that without +thinking." +

+ +

+Udo, the gallant gentleman, was not found wanting. +

+ +

+"A lover's knot," he said, with a graceful incli—no, he stopped in +time. But really, those ears of his made ordinary politeness quite +impossible. +

+ +

+"Oh, Udo," said Hyacinth impulsively, "if only I could help you to get +back to your proper form again." +

+ +

+"Yes, if only," said Udo, becoming practical again; "but how are we +going to do it? Just one more watercress sandwich," he said +apologetically; "they go with the ears so well." +

+ +

+"I shall threaten the Countess," said Hyacinth excitedly. "I shall +tell her that unless she makes the enchanter restore you to your +proper form, I shall put her in prison." +

+ +

+Udo was not listening. He had gone off into his own thoughts. +"Banana fritters and watercress sandwiches," he was murmuring to +himself. "I suppose I must be the only animal of the kind in the +world." +

+ +

+"Of course," went on Hyacinth, half to herself, "she might get the +people on her side, the ones that she's bribed. And if she did——" +

+ +

+"That's all right, that's all right," said Udo grandly. "Leave her to +me. There's something about your watercress that inspires me to do +terrible deeds. I feel a new—whatever I am." +

+ +

+One gathers reluctantly from this speech that Udo had partaken too +freely. +

+ +

+"Of course," said Hyacinth, "I could write to my father, who might +send some of his men back, but I shouldn't like to do that. I +shouldn't like him to think that I had failed him." +

+ +

+"Extraordinary how I take to these things," said Udo, allowing himself +a little more room on the seat. "Perhaps I am a rabbit after all. I +wonder what I should look like behind wire netting." He took another +bite and went on, "I wonder what I should do if I saw a ferret. I +suppose you haven't got a ferret on you, Princess?" +

+ +

+"I beg your pardon, Prince? I'm afraid I was thinking of something +else. What did you say?" +

+ +

+"Nothing, nothing. One's thoughts run on." He put his hand out for +the plate, and discovered that it was empty. He settled himself more +comfortably, and seemed to be about to sink into slumber when his +attention was attracted suddenly by the knot in his tail. He picked +it up and began lazily to undo it. "I wish I could lash my tail," he +murmured; "mine seems to be one of the tails that don't lash." He +began very gingerly to feel the tip of it. "I wonder if I've got a +sting anywhere." He closed his eyes, muttering, "Sting Countess neck, +sting all over neck, sting lots stings," and fell peacefully asleep. +

+ +

+It was a disgraceful exhibition. Roger Scurvilegs tries to slur it +over; talks about the great heat of the sun, and the notorious effect +of even one or two watercress sandwiches on an empty—on a man who has +had nothing to eat for several days. This is to palter with the +facts. The effect of watercress sandwiches upon Udo's arrangements +(however furnished) we have all just seen for ourselves; but what +Roger neglects to lay stress upon is the fact that it was the effect +of twenty-one or twenty-two watercress sandwiches. There is no +denying that it was a disgraceful exhibition. If I had been there, I +should certainly have written to his father about it. +

+ +

+Hyacinth looked at him uneasily. Her first feeling was one of +sympathy. "Poor fellow," she thought, "he's had a hard time lately." +But it is a strain on the sympathy to gaze too long on a mixture of +lion, rabbit, and woolly lamb, particularly when the rabbit part has +its mouth open and is snoring gently. +

+ +

+Besides, what could she do with him? She had two of them on her hands +now: the Countess and the Prince. Belvane was in an even better +position than before. She could now employ Udo to help her in her +plots against the Princess. "Grant to me so and so, or I'll keep the +enchantment for ever on his Royal Highness." And what could a poor +girl do? +

+ +

+Well, she would have to come to some decision in the future. +Meanwhile the difficulties of the moment were enough. The most +obvious difficulty was his bedroom. Was it quite the sort of room he +wanted now? Hyacinth realised suddenly that to be hostess to such a +collection of animals as Udo was would require all the tact she +possessed. Perhaps he would tell her what he wanted when he woke up. +Better let him sleep peacefully now. +

+ +

+She looked at him, smiled in spite of herself, and went quickly down +into the Palace. +

+ +


+ +

+ +[Illustration: Detail of Belvane with castle in the background] +

+ +

+CHAPTER XIII +

+ +

+"PINK" RHYMES WITH "THINK" +

+ +

+Udo awoke, slightly refreshed, and decided to take a firm line with +the Countess at once. He had no difficulty about finding his way down +to her. The Palace seemed to be full of servants, all apparently busy +about something which brought them for a moment in sight of the newly +arrived Prince, and then whisked them off, hand to mouth and shoulders +shaking. By one of these, with more control over her countenance than +the others, an annoyed Udo was led into Belvane's garden. +

+ +

+She was walking up and down the flagged walk between her lavender +hedges, and as he came in she stopped and rested her elbows on her +sundial, and looked mockingly at him, waiting for him to speak. +"Between the showers I mark the hours," said the sundial (on the +suggestion of Belvane one wet afternoon), but for the moment the +Countess was in the way. +

+ +

+"Ah, here we are," said Udo in rather a nasty voice. +

+ +

+"Here we are," said Belvane sweetly. "All of us." +

+ +

+Suddenly she began to laugh. +

+ +

+"Oh, Prince Udo," she said, "you'll be the death of me. Count me as +one more of your victims." +

+ +

+It is easy to be angry with any one who will laugh at you all the +time, but difficult to be effective; particularly when—but we need +not dwell upon Udo's handicap again. +

+ +

+"I don't see anything to laugh at," he said stiffly. "To intelligent +people the outside appearance is not everything." +

+ +

+"But it can be very funny, can't it?" said Belvane coaxingly. "I +wished for something humorous to happen to you, but I never +thought——" +

+ +

+"Ah," said Udo, "now we've got it." +

+ +

+He spoke with an air of a clever cross-examiner who has skilfully +extracted an admission from a reluctant witness. This sort of tone +goes best with one of those keen legal faces; perhaps that is why +Belvane laughed again. +

+ +

+"You practically confess that you did it," went on Udo magnificently. +

+ +

+"Did what?" +

+ +

+"Turned me into a—a——" +

+ +

+"A rabbit?" said Belvane innocently. +

+ +

+A foolish observation like this always pained Udo. +

+ +

+"What makes you think I'm a rabbit?" he asked. +

+ +

+"I don't mind what you are, but you'll never dare show yourself in the +country like this." +

+ +

+"Be careful, woman; don't drive me too far. Beware lest you rouse the +lion in me." +

+ +

+"Where?" asked Belvane, with a child-like air. +

+ +

+With a gesture full of dignity and good breeding Udo called attention +to his tail. +

+ +

+"That," said the Countess, "is not the part of the lion that I'm +afraid of." +

+ +

+For the moment Udo was nonplussed, but he soon recovered himself. +

+ +

+"Even supposing—just for the sake of argument—that I am a rabbit, I +still have something up my sleeve; I'll come and eat your young +carnations." +

+ +

+Belvane adored her garden, but she was sustained by the thought that +it was only July just now. She pointed this out to him. +

+ +

+"It needn't necessarily be carnations," he warned her. +

+ +

+"I don't want to put my opinion against one who has (forgive me) +inside knowledge on the subject, but I think I have nothing in my +garden at this moment that would agree with a rabbit." +

+ +

+"I don't mind if it doesn't agree with me," said Udo heroically. +

+ +

+This was more serious. Her dear garden in which she composed, ruined +by the mastications—machinations—what was the word?—of an enemy! +The thought was unbearable. +

+ +

+"You aren't a rabbit," she said hastily; "you aren't really a rabbit. +Because—because you don't woffle your nose properly." +

+ +

+"I could," said Udo simply. "I'm just keeping it back, that's all." +

+ +

+"Show me how," cried Belvane, clasping her hands eagerly together. +

+ +

+It was not what he had come into the garden for, and it accorded ill +with the dignity of the Royal House of Araby, but somehow one got led +on by this wicked woman. +

+ +

+"Like this," said Udo. +

+ +

+The Countess looked at him critically with her head on one side. +

+ +

+"No," she said, "that's quite wrong." +

+ +

+"Naturally I'm a little out of practice." +

+ +

+"I'm sorry," said Belvane. "I'm afraid I can't pass you." +

+ +

+Udo couldn't think what had happened to the conversation. With a +great effort he extracted himself from it. +

+ +

+"Enough of this, Countess," he said sternly. "I have your admission +that it was you who put this enchantment on me." +

+ +

+"It was I. I wasn't going to have you here interfering with my +plans." +

+ +

+"Your plans to rob the Princess." +

+ +

+Belvane felt that it was useless to explain the principles of +largesse-throwing to Udo. There will always be men like Udo and Roger +Scurvilegs who take these narrow matter-of-fact views. One merely +wastes time in arguing with them. +

+ +

+"My plans," she repeated. +

+ +

+"Very well. I shall go straight to the Princess, and she will unmask +you before the people." +

+ +

+Belvane smiled happily. One does not often get such a chance. +

+ +

+"And who," she asked sweetly, "will unmask your Royal Highness before +the people, so that they may see the true Prince Udo underneath?" +

+ +

+"What do you mean?" said Udo, though he was beginning to guess. +

+ +

+"That noble handsome countenance which is so justly the pride of +Araby—how shall we show that to the people? They'll form such a +mistaken idea of it if they all see you like this, won't they?" +

+ +

+Udo was quite sure now that he understood. Hyacinth had understood at +the very beginning. +

+ +

+ +[Illustration: He forgot his manners, and made a jump towards her] + +[Illustration: She glided gracefully behind the sundial in a pretty affectation of alarm] +

+ +

+"You mean that if the Princess Hyacinth falls in with your plans, you +will restore me to my proper form, but that otherwise you will leave +me like this?" +

+ +

+"One's actions are very much misunderstood," sighed Belvane. "I've no +doubt that that is how it will appear to future historians." +

+ +

+(To Roger, certainly.) +

+ +

+It was too much for Udo. He forgot his manners and made a jump +towards her. She glided gracefully behind the sundial in a pretty +affectation of alarm . . . and the next moment Udo decided that the +contest between them was not to be settled by such rough-and-tumble +methods as these. The fact that his tail had caught in something +helped him to decide. +

+ +

+Belvane was up to him in an instant. +

+ +

+"There, there!" she said soothingly, "Let me undo it for your Royal +Highness." She talked pleasantly as she worked at it. "Every little +accident teaches us something. Now if you'd been a rabbit this +wouldn't have happened." +

+ +

+"No, I'm not even a rabbit," said Udo sadly. "I'm just nothing." +

+ +

+Belvane stood up and made him a deep curtsey. +

+ +

+"You are his Royal Highness Prince Udo of Araby. Your Royal +Highness's straw is prepared. When will your Royal Highness be +pleased to retire?" +

+ +

+It was a little unkind, I think. I should not record it of her were +not Roger so insistent. +

+ +

+"Now," said Udo, and lolloped sadly off. It was his one really +dignified moment in Euralia. +

+ +

+On his way to his apartment he met Wiggs. +

+ +

+"Wiggs," he said solemnly, "if ever you can do anything to annoy that +woman, such as making her an apple-pie bed, or anything like that, I +wish you'd do it." +

+ +

+Whereupon he retired for the night. Into the mysteries of his toilet +we had perhaps better not inquire. +

+ +

+      * * * * *
+

+ +

+As the chronicler of these simple happenings many years ago, it is my +duty to be impartial. "These are the facts," I should say, "and it is +for your nobilities to judge of them. Thus and thus my characters +have acted; how say you, my lords and ladies?" +

+ +

+I confess that this attitude is beyond me; I have a fondness for all +my people, and I would not have you misunderstand any of them. But +with regard to one of them there is no need for me to say anything in +her defence. About her at any rate we agree. +

+ +

+I mean Wiggs. We take the same view as Hyacinth: she was the best +little girl in Euralia. It will come then as a shock to you (as it +did to me on the morning after I had staggered home with Roger's +seventeen volumes) to learn that on her day Wiggs could be as bad as +anybody. I mean really bad. To tear your frock, to read books which +you ought to be dusting, these are accidents which may happen to +anybody. Far otherwise was Wiggs's fall. +

+ +

+She adopted, in fact, the infamous suggestion of Prince Udo. Three +nights later, with malice aforethought and to the comfort of the +King's enemies and the prejudice of the safety of the realm, she made +an apple-pie bed for the Countess. +

+ +

+It was the most perfect apple-pie bed ever made. Cox himself could +not have improved upon it; Newton has seen nothing like it. It took +Wiggs a whole morning; and the results, though private (that is the +worst of an apple-pie bed), were beyond expectation. After wrestling +for half an hour the Countess spent the night in a garden hammock, +composing a bitter Ode to Melancholy. +

+ +

+Of course Wiggs caught it in the morning; the Countess suspected what +she could not prove. Wiggs, now in for a thoroughly bad week, +realised that it was her turn again. What should she do? +

+ +

+An inspiration came to her. She had been really bad the day before; +it was a pity to waste such perfect badness as that. Why not have the +one bad wish to which the ring entitled her? +

+ +

+She drew the ring out from its hiding-place round her neck. +

+ +

+"I wish," she said, holding it up, "I wish that the Countess +Belvane——" she stopped to think of something that would really annoy +her—"I wish that the Countess shall never be able to write another +rhyme again." +

+ +

+She held her breath, expecting a thunderclap or some other outward +token of the sudden death of Belvane's muse. Instead she was struck by +the extraordinary silence of the place. She had a horrid feeling that +everybody else was dead, and realising all at once that she was a very +wicked little girl, she ran up to her room and gave herself up to +tears. +

+ +

+MAY YOU, DEAR SIR OR MADAM, REPENT AS QUICKLY! +

+ +

+However, this is not a moral work. An hour later Wiggs came into +Belvane's garden, eager to discover in what way her inability to rhyme +would manifest itself. It seemed that she had chosen the exact +moment. +

+ +

+In the throes of composition Belvane had quite forgotten the apple-pie +bed, so absorbing is our profession. She welcomed Wiggs eagerly, and +taking her hand led her towards the roses. +

+ +

+"I have just been talking to my dear roses," she said. "Listen: +

+ +

+ Whene'er I take my walks about,
+ I like to see the roses out;
+ I like them yellow, white, and pink,
+ But crimson are the best, I think.
+ The butterfly——"
+

+ +

+But we shall never know about the butterfly. It may be that Wiggs has +lost us here a thought on lepidoptera which the world can ill spare; +for she interrupted breathlessly. +

+ +

+"When did you write that?" +

+ +

+"I was just making it up when you came in, dear child. These thoughts +often come to me as I walk up and down my beautiful garden. 'The +butterfly——'" +

+ +

+But Wiggs had let go her hand and was running back to the Palace. She +wanted to be alone to think this out. +

+ +

+What had happened? That it was truly a magic ring, as the fairy had +told her, she had no doubt; that her wish was a bad one, that she had +been bad enough to earn it, she was equally certain. What then had +happened? There was only one answer to her question. The bad wish +had been granted to someone else. +

+ +

+To whom? She had lent the ring to nobody. True, she had told the +Princess all about it, but—— +

+ +

+Suddenly she remembered. The Countess had had it in her hands for a +moment. Yes, and she had sent her out of the room, and— +

+ +

+So many thoughts crowded into Wiggs's mind at this moment that she +felt she must share them with somebody. She ran off to find the +Princess. +

+ +


+ +

+[Illustration: Detail of Wiggs curtsying] + +

+ +

+CHAPTER XIV +

+ +

+"WHY CAN'T YOU BE LIKE WIGGS?" +

+ +

+Hyacinth was with Udo in the library. Udo spent much of his time in +the library nowadays; for surely in one of those many books was to be +found some Advice to a Gentleman in Temporary Difficulties suitable to +a case like his. Hyacinth kept him company sadly. It had been such a +brilliant idea inviting him to Euralia; how she wished now that she +had never done it. +

+ +

+"Well, Wiggs," she said, with a gentle smile, "what have you been +doing with yourself all the morning?" +

+ +

+Udo looked up from his mat and nodded to her. +

+ +

+"I've found out," said Wiggs excitedly; "it was the Countess who did +it." +

+ +

+Udo surveyed her with amazement. +

+ +

+"The Princess Hyacinth," he said, "has golden hair. One discovers +these things gradually." And he returned to his book. +

+ +

+Wiggs looked bewildered. +

+ +

+"He means, dear," said Hyacinth, "that it is quite obvious that the +Countess did it, and we have known about it for days." +

+ +

+Udo wore, as far as his face would permit, the slightly puffy +expression of one who has just said something profoundly ironical and +is feeling self-conscious about it. +

+ +

+"Oh—h," said Wiggs in such a disappointed voice that it seemed as if +she were going to cry. +

+ +

+Hyacinth, like the dear that she was, made haste to comfort her. +

+ +

+"We didn't really know," she said; "we only guessed it. But now +that you have found out, I shall be able to punish her properly. No, +don't come with me," she said, as she rose and moved towards the door; +"stay here and help his Royal Highness. Perhaps you can find the book +that he wants; you've read more of them than I have, I expect." +

+ +

+Left alone with the Prince, Wiggs was silent for a little, looking at +him rather anxiously. +

+ +

+"Do you know all about the Countess?" she asked at last. +

+ +

+"If there's anything I don't know, it must be very bad." +

+ +

+"Then you know that it's all my fault that you are like this? Oh, +dear Prince Udo, I am so dreadfully sorry." +

+ +

+"What do you mean—your fault?" +

+ +

+"Because it was my ring that did it." +

+ +

+Udo scratched his head in a slightly puzzled but quite a nice way. +

+ +

+"Tell me all about it from the beginning," he said. "You have found +out something after all, I believe." +

+ +

+So Wiggs told her story from the beginning. How the fairy had given +her a ring; how the Countess had taken it from her for five minutes +and had a bad wish on it; and how Wiggs had found her out that very +morning. +

+ +

+Udo was intensely excited by the story. He trotted up and down the +library, muttering to himself. He stopped in front of Wiggs as soon +as she had finished. +

+ +

+"Is the ring still going?" he asked. "I mean, can you have another +wish on it?" +

+ +

+"Yes, just one." +

+ +

+"Then wish her to be turned into a——" He tried to think of +something that would meet the case. "What about a spider?" he said +thoughtfully. +

+ +

+"But that's a bad wish," said Wiggs. +

+ +

+"Yes, but it's her turn." +

+ +

+"Oh, but I'm only allowed a good wish now." She added rapturously, +"And I know what it's going to be." +

+ +

+So did Udo. At least he thought he did. +

+ +

+"Oh, you dear," he said, casting an affectionate look on her. +

+ +

+"Yes, that's it. That I might be able to dance like a fairy." +

+ +

+Udo could hardly believe his ears, and they were adequate enough for +most emergencies. +

+ +

+"But how is that going to help me?" he said, tapping his chest with +his paw. +

+ +

+"But it's my ring," said Wiggs. "And so of course I'm going to wish +that I can dance like a fairy. I've always meant to, as soon as I've +been good for a day first." +

+ +

+The child was absurdly selfish. Udo saw that he would have to appeal +to her in another way. +

+ +

+"Of course," he began, "I've nothing to say against dancing as +dancing, but I think you'll get tired of it. Just as I shall get +tired of—lettuce." +

+ +

+Wiggs understood now. +

+ +

+"You mean that I might wish you to be a Prince again?" +

+ +

+"Well," said Udo casually, "it just occurred to me as an example of +what might be called the Good Wish." +

+ +

+"Then I shall never be able to dance like a fairy?" +

+ +

+"Neither shall I, if it comes to that," said Udo. Really, the child +was very stupid. +

+ +

+"Oh, it's too cruel," said Wiggs, stamping her foot. "I did so want +to be able to dance." +

+ +

+Udo glanced gloomily into the future. +

+ +

+"To live for ever behind wire netting," he mused; "to be eternally +frightened by pink-eyed ferrets; to be offered +bran-mash—bran-mash—bran-mash wherever one visited week after week, +month after month, year after year, century after—how long do +rabbits live?" +

+ +

+But Wiggs was not to be moved. +

+ +

+"I won't give up my wish," she said passionately. +

+ +

+Udo got on to his four legs with dignity. +

+ +

+"Keep your wish," he said. "There are plenty of other ways of getting +out of enchantments. I'll learn up a piece of poetry by our Court +Poet Sacharino, and recite it backwards when the moon is new. +Something like that. I can do this quite easily by myself. Keep your +wish." +

+ +

+He went slowly out. His tail (looking more like a bell-rope than +ever) followed him solemnly. The fluffy part that you pull was for a +moment left behind; then with a jerk it was gone, and Wiggs was left +alone. +

+ +

+"I won't give up my wish," cried Wiggs again. "I'll wish it now +before I'm sorry." She held the ring up. "I wish that——" She +stopped suddenly. "Poor Prince Udo he seems very unhappy. I wonder +if it is a good wish to wish to dance when people are unhappy." She +thought this out for a little, and then made her great resolve. +"Yes," she said, "I'll wish him well again." +

+ +

+Once more she held the ring up in her two hands. +

+ +

+"I wish," she said, "that Prince Udo——" +

+ +

+I know what you're going to say. It was no good her wishing her good +wish, because she had been a bad girl the day before—making the +Countess an apple-pie bed and all—disgraceful! How could she +possibly suppose—— +

+ +

+She didn't. She remembered just in time. +

+ +

+"Oh, bother," said Wiggs, standing in the middle of the room with the +ring held above her head. "I've got to be good for a day first. +Bother!" +

+ +

+      * * * * *
+

+ +

+So the next day was Wiggs's Good Day. The legend of it was handed +down for years afterwards in Euralia. It got into all the +Calendars—July 20th it was—marked with a red star; in Roger's +portentous volumes it had a chapter devoted to it. There was some +talk about it being made into a public holiday, he tells us, but this +fell through. Euralian mothers used to scold their naughty children +with the words, "Why can't you be like Wiggs?" and the children used +to tell each other that there never was a real Wiggs, and that it was +only a made-up story for parents. However, you have my word for it +that it was true. +

+ +

+She began by getting up at five o'clock in the morning, and after +dressing herself very neatly (and being particularly careful to wring +out her sponge) she made her own bed and tidied up the room. For a +moment she thought of waking the grown-ups in the Palace and letting +them enjoy the beautiful morning too, but a little reflection showed +her that this would not be at all a kindly act; so, having dusted the +Throne Room and performed a few simple physical exercises, she went +outside and attended to the smaller domestic animals. +

+ +

+[Illustration: When anybody of superior station or age came into the +room she rose and curtsied, verso] +[Illustration: When anybody of superior station or age came into the +room she rose and curtsied, recto] +

+ +

+At breakfast she had three helps of something very nutritious, which +the Countess said would make her grow, but only one help of everything +else. She sat up nicely all the time, and never pointed to anything +or drank with her mouth full. After breakfast she scattered some +crumbs on the lawn for the robins, and then got to work again. +

+ +

+First she dusted and dusted and dusted; then she swept and swept and +swept; then she sewed and sewed and sewed. When anybody of superior +station or age came into the room she rose and curtsied and stood with +her hands behind her back, while she was being spoken to. When +anybody said, "I wonder where I put my so-and-so," she jumped up and +said, "Let me fetch it," even if it was upstairs. +

+ +

+After dinner she made up a basket of provisions and took them to the +old women who lived near the castle; to some of them she sang or read +aloud, and when at one cottage she was asked, "Now won't you give me a +little dance," she smiled bravely and said, "I'm afraid I don't dance +very well." I think that was rather sweet of her; if I had been the +fairy I should have let her off the rest of the day. +

+ +

+When she got back to the Palace she drank two glasses of warm milk, +with the skin on, and then went and weeded the Countess's lawn; and +once when she trod by accident on a bed of flowers, she left the +footprint there instead of scraping it over hastily, and pretending +that she hadn't been near the place, as you would have done. +

+ +

+And at half-past six she kissed everybody good-night (including Udo) +and went to bed. +

+ +

+So ended July the Twentieth, perhaps the most memorable day in +Euralian history. +

+ +

+      * * * * *
+

+ +

+Udo and Hyacinth spent the great day peacefully in the library. A +gentleman for all his fur, Udo had not told the Princess about Wiggs's +refusal to help him. Besides, a man has his dignity. To be turned +into a mixture of three animals by a woman of thirty, and to be turned +back again by a girl of ten, is to be too much the plaything of the +sex. It was time he did something for himself. +

+ +

+"Now then, how did that bit of Sacharino's go? Let me see." He beat +time with a paw. "'Blood for something, something, some——' +Something like that. 'Blood for—er—blood for—er——' No, it's +gone again. I know there was a bit of blood in it." +

+ +

+"I'm sure you'll get it soon," said Hyacinth. "It sounds as thought +it's going to be just the sort of thing that's wanted." +

+ +

+"Oh, I shall get it all right. Some of the words have escaped me for +the moment, that's all. 'Blood—er—blood.' You must have heard of +it, Princess: it's about blood for he who something; you must know the +one I mean. +

+ +

+"I know I've heard of it," said the Princess, wrinkling her forehead, +"only I can't quite think of it for the moment. It's about a—a——" +

+ +

+"Yes, that's it," said Udo. +

+ +

+Then they both looked up at the ceiling with their heads on one side +and murmured to themselves. +

+ +

+But noon came and still they hadn't thought of it. +

+ +

+After a simple meal they returned to the library. +

+ +

+"I think I'd better write to Coronel," said Udo, "and ask him about +it." +

+ +

+"I thought you said his name was Sacharino." +

+ +

+"Oh, this is not the poet, it's just a friend of mine, but he's rather +good at this sort of thing. The trouble is that it takes such a long +time for a letter to get there and back." +

+ +

+At the word "letter," Hyacinth started suddenly. +

+ +

+"Oh, Prince Udo," she cried, "I can never forgive myself. I've just +remembered the very thing. Father told me in his letter that a little +couplet he once wrote was being very useful for—er—removing things." +

+ +

+"What sort of things?" said Udo, not too hopefully. +

+ +

+"Oh, enchantments and things." +

+ +

+Udo was a little annoyed at the "and things"—as those turning him +back into a Prince again was as much in the day's work as removing +rust from a helmet. +

+ +

+"It goes like this," said Hyacinth. +

+ +

+ "Bo, boll, bill, bole.
+  Wo, woll, will, wole."
+

+ +

+"It sounds as though it would remove anything," she added, with a +smile. +

+ +

+Udo sat up rather eagerly. +

+ +

+"I'll try," he said. "Is there any particular action that goes with +it?" +

+ +

+"I've never heard of any. I expect you ought to say it as if you +meant it." +

+ +

+Udo sat up on his back paws, and, gesticulating freely with his right +paw, declaimed: +

+ +

+ "Bo, boll, bill, bole.
+  Wo, woll, will, wole."
+

+ +

+He fixed his eyes on his paws, waiting for the transformation. +

+ +

+He waited. +

+ +

+And waited. +

+ +

+Nothing happened. +

+ +

+"It must be all right," said Hyacinth anxiously, "because I'm sure +Father would know. Try saying it more like this." +

+ +

+She repeated the lines in a voice so melting, yet withal so dignified, +that the very chairs might have been expected to get up and walk out. +

+ +

+Udo imitated her as well as he could. +

+ +

+At about the time when Wiggs was just falling asleep, he repeated it +in his fiftieth different voice. +

+ +

+"I'm sorry," said Hyacinth; "perhaps it isn't so good as Father +thought it was." +

+ +

+"There's just one chance," said Udo. "It's possible it may have to be +said on an empty stomach. I'll try it to-morrow before breakfast." +

+ +

+Upstairs Wiggs was dreaming of the dancing that she had given up for +ever. +

+ +

+And what Belvane was doing I really don't know. +

+ +


+ +

+ +[Illustration: Detail of Wiggs dancing] +

+ +

+CHAPTER XV +

+ +

+THERE IS A LOVER WAITING FOR HYACINTH +

+ +

+So the next morning before breakfast Wiggs went up on to the castle +walls and wished. She looked over the meadows, and across the +peaceful stream that wandered through them, to the forest where she +had met her fairy, and she gave a little sigh. "Good-bye, dancing," +she said; and then she held the ring up and went on bravely, "Please I +was a very good girl all yesterday, and I wish that Prince Udo may be +well again." +

+ +

+For a full minute there was silence. Then from the direction of Udo's +room below there came these remarkable words: +

+ +

+"Take the beastly stuff away, and bring me a beefsteak and a flagon +of sack!" +

+ +

+Between smiles and tears Wiggs murmured, "He sounds all right. I +am g—glad." +

+ +

+And then she could bear it no longer. She hurried down and out of the +Palace—away, away from Udo and the Princess and the Countess and all +their talk, to the cool friendly forest, there to be alone and to +think over all that she had lost. +

+ +

+It was very quiet in the forest. At the foot of her own favourite +tree, a veteran of many hundred summers who stood sentinel over an +open glade that dipped to a gurgling brook and climbed gently away +from it, she sat down. On the soft green yonder she might have +danced, an enchanted place, and now—never, never, never. . . . +

+ +

+How long had she sat there? It must have been a long time—because +the forest had been so quiet, and now it was so full of sound. The +trees were murmuring something to her, and the birds were singing it, +and the brook was trying to tell it too, but it would keep chuckling +over the very idea so that you could hardly hear what it was saying, +and there were rustlings in the grass—"Get up, get up," everything +was calling to her; "dance, dance." +

+ +

+She got up, a little frightened. Everything seemed so strangely +beautiful. She had never felt it like this before. Yes, she would +dance. She must say, "Thank you," for all this somehow; perhaps they +would excuse her if it was not very well expressed. +

+ +

+"This will just be for 'Thank you'" she said as she got up. "I shall +never dance again." +

+ +

+ +[Illustration: And then she danced, verso] +[Illustration: And then she danced, recto] +

+ +

+And then she danced. . . . +

+ +

+Where are you, Hyacinth? There is a lover waiting for you somewhere, +my dear. +

+ +

+It is the first of Spring. The blackbird opens his yellow beak, and +whistles cool and clear. There is blue magic in the morning; the sky, +deep-blue above, melts into white where it meets the hills. The wind +waits for you up yonder—will you go to meet it? Ah, stay here! The +hedges have put on their green coats for you; misty green are the tall +elms from which the rooks are chattering. Along the clean white road, +between the primrose banks, he comes. Will you be round this +corner?——or the next? He is looking for you, Hyacinth. +

+ +

+(She rested, breathless, and then danced again.) +

+ +

+It is summer afternoon. All the village is at rest save one. +"Cuck-oo!" comes from the deep dark trees; "Cuck-oo!" he calls again, +and flies away to send back the answer. The fields, all green and +gold, sleep undisturbed by the full river which creeps along them. +The air is heavy with the scent of may. Where are you, Hyacinth? Is +not this the trysting-place? I have waited for you so long! . . . +

+ +

+She stopped, and the watcher in the bushes moved silently away, his +mind aflame with fancies. +

+ +

+Wiggs went back to the Palace to tell everybody that she could dance. +

+ +

+      * * * * *
+

+ +

+"Shall we tell her how it happened?" said Udo jauntily. "I just +recited a couple of lines—poetry, you know—backwards, and—well, +here I am!" +

+ +

+"O——oh!" said Wiggs. +

+ +


+ +

+ +[Illustration: Detail of Belvane in an elaborate gown] +

+ +

+CHAPTER XVI +

+ +

+BELVANE ENJOYS HERSELF +

+ +

+The entrance of an attendant into his room that morning to bring him +his early bran-mash had awakened Udo. As soon as she was gone he +jumped up, shook the straw from himself, and said in a very passion of +longing, +

+ +

+ Bo, boll, bill, bole.
+ Wo, woll, will, wole.
+

+ +

+He felt it was his last chance. Exhausted by his effort, he fell back +on the straw and dropped asleep again. It was nearly an hour later +that he became properly awake. +

+ +

+Into his feelings I shall not enter at any length; I leave that to +Roger Scurvilegs. Between ourselves Roger is a bit of a snob. The +degradation to a Prince of Araby to be turned into an animal so +ludicrous, the delight of a Prince of Araby at regaining his own form, +it is this that he chiefly dwells upon. Really, I think you or I +would have been equally delighted. I am sure we can guess how Udo +felt about it. +

+ +

+He strutted about the room, he gazed at himself in every glass, he +held out his hand to an imaginary Hyacinth with "Ah, dear Princess, +and how are we this morning?" Never had he felt so handsome and so +sure of himself. It was in the middle of one of his pirouettings, +that he caught sight of the unfortunate bran-mash, and uttered the +remarkable words which I have already recorded. +

+ +

+The actual meeting with Hyacinth was even better than he had expected. +Hardly able to believe that it was true, she seized his hands +impulsively and cried: +

+ +

+"Oh, Prince Udo! oh, my dear, I am so glad!" +

+ +

+Udo twirled his moustache and felt a very gay dog indeed. +

+ +

+At breakfast (where Udo did himself extremely well) they discussed +plans. The first thing was to summon the Countess into their +presence. An attendant was sent to fetch her. +

+ +

+"If you would like me to conduct the interview," said Udo, "I've no +doubt that——" +

+ +

+"I think I shall be all right now that you are with me. I shan't feel +so afraid of her now." +

+ +

+The attendant came in again. +

+ +

+"Her ladyship is not yet down, your Royal Highness." +

+ +

+"Tell her that I wish to see her directly she is down," said the +Princess. +

+ +

+The attendant withdrew. +

+ +

+"You were telling me about this army of hers," said Udo. "One of my +ideas—I had a good many while I was—er—in retirement—was that she +could establish the army properly at her own expense, and that she +herself should be perpetual orderly-sergeant." +

+ +

+"Isn't that a nice thing to be?" asked Hyacinth innocently. +

+ +

+"It's a horrible thing to be. Another of my ideas was that——" +

+ +

+The attendant came in again. +

+ +

+"Her ladyship is a little indisposed, and is staying in bed for the +present." +

+ +

+"Oh! Did her ladyship say when she thought of getting up?" +

+ +

+"Her ladyship didn't seem to think of getting up at all to-day. Her +ladyship told me to say that she didn't seem to know when she'd get +up again." +

+ +

+The attendant withdrew, and Hyacinth and Udo, standing together in a +corner, discussed the matter anxiously. +

+ +

+"I don't quite see what we can do," said Hyacinth. "We can't pull +her out of bed. Besides, she may really be ill. Supposing she stays +there for ever!" +

+ +

+"Of course," said Udo. "It would be rather——" +

+ +

+"You see if we——" +

+ +

+"We might possibly——" +

+ +

+"Good morning, all!" said Belvane, sweeping into the room. She +dropped a profound curtsey to the Princess. "Your Royal Highness! +And dear Prince Udo, looking his own charming self again!" +

+ +

+She had made a superb toilet. In her flowing gold brocade, cut square +in front to reveal the whitest of necks, with her black hair falling +in two braids to her knees and twined with pearls which were caught up +in loops at her waist, she looked indeed a Queen; while Hyacinth and +Udo, taken utterly by surprise, seemed to be two conspirators whom she +had caught in the act of plotting against her. +

+ +

+ + + +

+ +

+"I—I thought you weren't well, Countess," said Hyacinth, trying to +recover herself. +

+ +

+"I not well?" cried Belvane, clasping her hands to her breast. "I +thought it was his Royal Highness who—— Ah, but he's looking a true +Prince now." +

+ +

+She turned her eyes upon him, and there was in that look so much of +admiration, humour, appeal, impudence—I don't know what (and Roger +cannot tell us, either)—that Udo forgot entirely what he was going to +say and could only gaze at her in wonder. +

+ +

+Her mere entry dazzled him. There is no knowing with a woman like +Belvane; and I believe she had purposely kept herself plain during +these last few days so that she might have the weapon of her beauty to +fall back upon in case anything went wrong. Things had indeed gone +wrong; Udo had become a man again; and it was against the man that +this last weapon was directed. +

+ +

+Udo himself was only too ready. The fact that he was once more +attractive to women meant as much as anything to him. To have been +attractive to Hyacinth would have contented most of us, but Udo felt a +little uncomfortable with her. He could not forget the last few days, +nor the fact that he had once been an object of pity to her. Now +Belvane had not pitied him. +

+ +

+Hyacinth had got control of herself by this time. +

+ +

+"Enough of this, Countess," she said with dignity. "We have not +forgotten the treason which you were plotting against the State; we +have not forgotten your base attack upon our guest, Prince Udo. I +order you now to remain within the confines of the Palace until we +shall have decided what to do with you. You may leave us." +

+ +

+Belvane dropped her eyes meekly. +

+ +

+"I am at your Royal Highness's commands. I shall be in my garden when +your Royal Highness wants me." +

+ +

+She raised her eyes, gave one fleeting glance to Prince Udo, and +withdrew. +

+ +

+"A hateful woman," said Hyacinth. "What shall we do with her?" +

+ +

+"I think," said Udo, "that I had better speak to her seriously first. +I have no doubt that I can drag from her the truth of her conspiracy +against you. There may be others in it, in which case we shall have +to proceed with caution; on the other hand, it may be just misplaced +zeal on her part, in which case——" +

+ +

+"Was it misplaced zeal which made her turn you into a——?" +

+ +

+Udo held up his hand hastily. +

+ +

+"I have not forgotten that," he said. "Be sure that I shall exact +full reparation. Let me see; which is the way to her garden?" +

+ +

+Hyacinth did not know quite what to make of her guest. At the moment +when she first saw him in his proper form the improvement on his late +appearance had been so marked that he had seemed almost the handsome +young Prince of her dreams. Every minute after that had detracted +from him. His face was too heavy, his manner was too pompous; one of +these days he would be too fat. +

+ +

+Moreover he was just a little too sure of his position in her house. +She had wanted his help, but she did not want so much of it as she +seemed to be likely to get. +

+ +

+Udo, feeling that it was going to be rather a nice day, went into +Belvane's garden. He had been there once before; it seemed to him a +very much prettier garden this morning, and the woman who was again +awaiting him much more desirable. +

+ +

+Belvane made room for him on the seat next to her. +

+ +

+"This is where I sit when I write my poetry," she said. "I don't know +if your Royal Highness is fond of poetry?" +

+ +

+"Extremely," said Udo. "I have never actually written any or indeed +read much, but I have a great admiration for those who—er—admire it. +But it was not to talk about poetry that I came out here, Countess." +

+ +

+"No?" said Belvane. "But your Royal Highness must have read the works +of Sacharino, the famous bard of Araby?" +

+ +

+"Sacharino, of course. 'Blood for something, something——He who +something——' I mean, it's a delightful little thing. Everybody +knows it. But it was to talk about something very different that +I——" +

+ +

+ "Blood for blood and shoon for shoon,
+  He who runs may read my rune,"
+

+ +

+quoted Belvane softly. "It is perhaps Sacharino's most perfect gem." +

+ +

+"That's it," cried Udo excitedly. "I knew I knew it, if only I +could——" He broke off suddenly, remembering the circumstances in +which he had wanted it. He coughed importantly and explained for the +third time that he had not come to talk to her about poetry. +

+ +

+"But of course I think his most noble poem of all," went on Belvane, +apparently misunderstanding him, "is the ode to your Royal Highness +upon your coming-of-age. Let me see, how does it begin? +

+ +

+ "Prince Udo, so dashing and bold,
+  Is apparently eighteen years old.
+      It is eighteen years since
+      This wonderful Prince
+  Was born in the Palace, I'm told."
+

+ +

+"These Court Poets," said Udo, with an air of unconcern, "flatter one, +of course." +

+ +

+If he expected a compliment he was disappointed. +

+ +

+"There I cannot judge," said Belvane, "until I know your Royal +Highness better." She looked at him out of the corner of her eyes. +"Is your Royal Highness very—dashing?" +

+ +

+"I—er—well—er—one—that is to say." He waded on uncomfortably, +feeling less dashing every moment. He should have realised at once +that it was an impossible question to answer. +

+ +

+"Your Royal Highness," said Belvane modestly, "must not be too dashing +with us poor Euralians." +

+ +

+For the fourth time Udo explained that he had come there to speak to +her severely, and that Belvane seemed to have mistaken his purpose. +

+ +

+"Oh, forgive me, Prince Udo," she begged. "I quite thought that you +had come out to commune soul to soul with a fellow-lover of the +beautiful." +

+ +

+"N—no," said Udo; "not exactly." +

+ +

+"Then what is it?" she cried, clasping her hands eagerly together. "I +know it will be something exciting." +

+ +

+Udo stood up. He felt that he could be more severe a little farther +off. He moved a few yards away, and then turned round towards her, +resting his elbow on the sundial. +

+ +

+"Countess," he began sternly, "ten days ago, as I was starting on my +journey hither, I was suddenly——" +

+ +

+"Just a moment," said Belvane, whispering eagerly to herself rather +than to him, and she jumped up with a cushion from the seat where she +was sitting, and ran across and arranged it under his elbow. "He +would have been so uncomfortable," she murmured, and she hurried +back to her seat again and sat down and gazed at him, with her elbows +on her knees and her chin resting on her hands. "Now go on telling +me," she said breathlessly. +

+ +

+Udo opened his mouth with the obvious intention of obeying her, but no +words came. He seemed to have lost the thread of his argument. He +felt a perfect fool, stuck up there with his elbow on a cushion, just +as if he were addressing a public meeting. He looked at his elbow as +if he expected to find a glass of water there ready, and Belvane +divined his look and made a movement as if she were about to get it +for him. It would be just like her. He flung the cushion from him +("Oh, mind my roses," cried Belvane) and came down angrily to her. +Belvane looked at him with wide, innocent eyes. +

+ +

+"You—you—oh, don't look like that!" +

+ +

+"Like that?" said Belvane, looking like it again. +

+ +

+"Don't do it," shouted Udo, and he turned and kicked the cushion +down the flagged path. "Stop it." +

+ +

+Belvane stopped it. +

+ +

+"Do you know," she said, "I'm rather frightened of you when you're +angry with me." +

+ +

+"I am angry. Very, very angry. Excessively annoyed." +

+ +

+"I thought you were," she sighed. +

+ +

+"And you know very well why." +

+ +

+She nodded her head at him. +

+ +

+"It's my dreadful temper," she said. "I do such thoughtless things +when I lose my temper." +

+ +

+She sighed again and looked meekly at the ground. +

+ +

+"Er, well, you shouldn't," said Udo weakly. +

+ +

+"It was the slight to my sex that made me so angry. I couldn't bear +to think that we women couldn't rule ourselves for such a short time, +and that a man had to be called in to help us." She looked up at him +shyly. "Of course I didn't know then what the man was going to be +like. But now that I know——" +

+ +

+Suddenly she held her arms out to him beseechingly. +

+ +

+"Stay with us, Prince Udo, and help us! Men are so wise, so brave, +so—so generous. They know nothing of the little petty feelings of +revenge that women indulge." +

+ +

+"Really, Countess, we—er—you—er—— Of course there is a good deal +in what you say, and I—er——" +

+ +

+"Won't you sit down again, Prince Udo?" +

+ +

+Udo sat down next to her. +

+ +

+"And now," said Belvane, "let's talk it over comfortably as friends +should." +

+ +

+"Of course," began Udo, "I quite see your point. You hadn't seen me; +you didn't know anything about me; to you I might have been just any +man." +

+ +

+"I knew a little about you when you came here. Beneath +the—er—outward mask I saw how brave and dignified you were. But +even if I could have got you back into your proper form again, I think +I should have been afraid to; because I didn't know then how generous, +how forgiving you were." +

+ +

+It seemed to be quite decided that Udo was forgiving her. When a very +beautiful woman thanks you humbly for something you have not yet given +her, there is only one thing for a gentleman to do. Udo patted her +hand reassuringly. +

+ +

+"Oh, thank you, your Royal Highness." She gave herself a little shake +and jumped up. "And now shall I show you my beautiful garden?" +

+ +

+"A garden with you in it, dear Countess, is always beautiful," he said +gallantly. And it was not bad, I think, for a man who had been living +on watercress and bran-mash only the day before. +

+ +

+They wandered round the garden together. Udo was now quite certain it +was going to be a nice day. +

+ +

+It was an hour later when he came into the library. Hyacinth greeted +him eagerly. +

+ +

+"Well?" she said. +

+ +

+Udo nodded his head wisely. +

+ +

+"I have spoken to her about her conduct to me," he said. "There will +be no more trouble in that direction, I fancy. She explained her +conduct to me very fully, and I have decided to overlook it this +time." +

+ +

+"But her robberies, her plots, her conspiracy against me!" +

+ +

+Udo looked blankly at her for a moment and then pulled himself +together. +

+ +

+"I am speaking to her about that this afternoon," he said. +

+ +


+ +

+ +[Illustration: Detail of the King of Barodia] +

+ +

+CHAPTER XVII +

+ +

+THE KING OF BARODIA DROPS THE WHISKER HABIT +

+ +

+King Merriwig sat in his tent, his head held well back, his eyes +gazing upwards. His rubicund cheeks were for the moment a snowy +white. A hind of the name of Carlo had him firmly by the nose. Yet +King Merriwig neither struggled nor protested; he was, in fact, being +shaved. +

+ +

+The Court Barber was in his usual conversational mood. He released +his Majesty's nose for a moment, and, as he turned to sharpen his +razor, remarked, +

+ +

+"Terrible war, this." +

+ +

+"Terrible," agreed the King. +

+ +

+"Don't seem no end to it, like." +

+ +

+"Well, well," said Merriwig, "we shall see." +

+ +

+The barber got to work again. +

+ +

+"Do you know what I should do to the King of Barodia if I had him +here?" +

+ +

+Merriwig did not dare to speak, but he indicated with his right eye +that he was interested in the conversation. +

+ +

+"I'd shave his whiskers off," said Carlo firmly. +

+ +

+The King gave a sudden jerk, and for the moment there were signs of a +battle upon the snow; then the King leant back again, and in another +minute or so the operation was over. +

+ +

+"It will soon be all right," said Carlo, mopping at his Majesty's +chin. "Your Majesty shouldn't have moved." +

+ +

+"It was my own fault, Carlo; you gave me a sudden idea, that's all." +

+ +

+"You're welcome, your Majesty." +

+ +

+As soon as he was alone the King took out his tablets. On these he +was accustomed to record any great thoughts which occurred to him +during the day. He now wrote in them these noble words: +

+ +

+"Jewels of wisdom may fall from the meanest of hinds." +

+ +

+He struck a gong to summon the Chancellor into his presence. +

+ +

+"I have a great idea," he told the Chancellor. +

+ +

+The Chancellor hid his surprise and expressed his pleasure. +

+ +

+"To-night I propose to pay a secret visit to his Majesty the King of +Barodia. Which of the many tents yonder have my spies located as the +royal one?" +

+ +

+"The big on in the centre, above which the Royal Arms fly." +

+ +

+"I thought as much. Indeed I have often seen his Majesty entering it. +But one prefers to do these things according to custom. Acting on +the information given me by my trusty spies, I propose to enter the +King of Barodia's tent at the dead of night, and——" +

+ +

+The Chancellor shuddered in anticipation. +

+ +

+"And shave his whiskers off." +

+ +

+The Chancellor trembled with delight. +

+ +

+"Your Majesty," he said in a quavering voice, "forty years, man and +boy, have I served your Majesty, and your Majesty's late lamented +father, and never have I heard such a beautiful plan." +

+ +

+Merriwig struggled with himself for a moment, but his natural honesty +was too much for him. +

+ +

+"It was put into my head by a remark of my Court Barber's," he said +casually. "But of course the actual working out of it has been mine." +

+ +

+"Jewels of wisdom," said the Chancellor sententiously, "may fall from +the meanest of hinds." +

+ +

+"I suppose," said Merriwig, taking up his tablets and absently +scratching out the words written thereon, "there is nothing in the +rules against it?" +

+ +

+"By no means, your Majesty. In the annuals of Euralia there are many +instances of humour similar to that which your Majesty suggests: +humour, if I may say so, which, while evidencing to the ignorant only +the lighter side of war, has its roots in the most fundamental +strategical considerations." +

+ +

+Merriwig regarded him with admiration. This was indeed a Chancellor. +

+ +

+"The very words," he answered, "which I said to myself when the idea +came to me. 'The fact,' I said, 'that this will help us to win the +war, must not disguise from us the fact that the King of Barodia will +look extremely funny without his whiskers.' To-night I shall sally +forth and put my plan into practice." +

+ +

+At midnight, then, he started out. The Chancellor awaited his return +with some anxiety. This might well turn out to be the decisive stroke +(or strokes) of the war. For centuries past the ruling monarchs of +Barodia had been famous for their ginger whiskers. "As lost as the +King of Barodia without his whiskers" was indeed a proverb of those +times. A King without a pair, and at such a crisis in his country's +fortunes! It was inconceivable. At the least he would have to live +in retirement until they grew again, and without the leadership of +their King the Barodian army would become a rabble. +

+ +

+The Chancellor was not distressed at the thought; he was looking +forward to his return to Euralia, where he kept a comfortable house. +It was not that his life in the field was uninteresting; he had as +much work to do as any man. It was part of his business, for +instance, to test the pretentions of any new wizard or spell-monger +who was brought into the camp. Such and such a quack would seek an +interview on the pretext that for five hundred crowns he could turn +the King of Barodia into a small black pig. He would be brought +before the Chancellor. +

+ +

+"You say that you can turn a man into a small black pig?" the +Chancellor would ask. +

+ +

+"Yes, your lordship. It came to me from my grandmother." +

+ +

+"Then turn me," the Chancellor would say simply. +

+ +

+The so-called wizard would try. As soon as the incantation was over, +the Chancellor surveyed himself in the mirror. Then he nodded to a +couple of soldiers, and the impostor was tied backwards on to a mule +and driven with jeers out of the camp. There were many such impostors +(who at least made a mule out of it), and the Chancellor's life did +not lack excitement. +

+ +

+But he yearned now for the simple comforts of his home. He liked +pottering about his garden, when his work at the Palace was finished; +he liked, over the last meal of the day, to tell his wife all the +important things he had been doing since he had seen her, and to +impress her with the fact that he was the holder of many state secrets +which she must not attempt to drag from him. A woman of less tact +would have considered the subject closed at this point, but she knew +that he was only longing to be persuaded. However, as she always +found the secrets too dull to tell any one else, no great harm was +done. +

+ +

+"Just help me off with this cloak," said a voice in front of him. +

+ +

+The Chancellor felt about until his hands encountered a solid body. +He undid the cloak and the King stood revealed before him. +

+ +

+"Thanks. Well, I've done it. It went to my heart to do it at the +last moment, so beautiful they were, but I nerved myself to it. Poor +soul, he slept like a lamb through it all. I wonder what he'll say +when he wakes up." +

+ +

+"Did you bring them back with you?" asked the Chancellor excitedly. +

+ +

+"My dear Chancellor, what a question!" He produced them from his +pocket. "In the morning we'll run them up on the flagstaff for all +Barodia to see." +

+ +

+"He won't like that," said the Chancellor, chuckling. +

+ +

+"I don't quite see what he can do about it," said Merriwig. +

+ +

+      * * * * *
+

+ +

+The King of Barodia didn't quite see either. +

+ +

+A fit of sneezing woke him up that morning, and at the same moment he +felt a curious draught about his cheeks. He put his hand up and +immediately knew the worst. +

+ +

+"Hullo, there!" he bellowed to the sentry outside the door. +

+ +

+"Your Majesty," said the sentry, coming in with alacrity. +

+ +

+ +[Illustration: The tent seemed to swim before his eyes, and he knew + no more, verso] +[Illustration: The tent seemed to swim before his eyes, and he knew + no more, recto] +

+ +

+The King bobbed down again at once. +

+ +

+"Send the Chancellor to me," said an angry voice from under the +bedclothes. +

+ +

+When the Chancellor came in it was to see the back only of his august +monarch. +

+ +

+"Chancellor," said the King, "prepare yourself for a shock." +

+ +

+"Yes, sir," said the Chancellor, trembling exceedingly. +

+ +

+"You are about to see something which no man in the history of Barodia +has ever seen before." +

+ +

+The Chancellor, not having the least idea what to expect, waited +nervously. The next moment the tent seemed to swim before his eyes, +and he knew no more. . . . +

+ +

+When he came to, the King was pouring a jug of water down his neck and +murmuring rough words of comfort in his ear. +

+ +

+"Oh, your Majesty," said the poor Chancellor, "your Majesty! I don't +know what to say, your Majesty." He mopped at himself as he spoke, +and the water trickled from him on to the floor. +

+ +

+"Pull yourself together," said the King sternly. "We shall want all +your wisdom, which is notoriously not much, to help us in this +crisis." +

+ +

+"Your Majesty, who has dared to do this grievous thing?" +

+ +

+"You fool, how should I know? Do you think they did it while I was +awake?" +

+ +

+The Chancellor stiffened a little. He was accustomed to being called +a fool; but that was by a man with a terrifying pair of ginger +whiskers. From the rather fat and uninspiring face in front of him he +was inclined to resent it. +

+ +

+"What does your Majesty propose to do?" he asked shortly. +

+ +

+"I propose to do the following. Upon you rests the chief burden." +

+ +

+The Chancellor did not look surprised. +

+ +

+"It will be your part to break the news as gently as possible to my +people. You will begin by saying that I am busy with a great +enchanter who has called to see me, and that therefore I am unable to +show myself to my people this morning. Later on in the day you will +announce that the enchanter has shown me how to defeat the wicked +Euralians; you will dwell upon the fact that this victory, as assured +by him, involves an overwhelming sacrifice on my part, but that for +the good of my people I am willing to endure it. Then you will +solemnly announce that the sacrifice I am making, have indeed already +made, is nothing less than—— What are all those fools cheering for +out there?" A mighty roar of laughter rose to the sky. "Here, what's +it all about? Just go and look." +

+ +

+The Chancellor went to the door of the tent—and saw. +

+ +

+He came back to the King, striving to speak casually. +

+ +

+"Just a humorous emblem that the Euralians have raised over their +camp," he said. "It wouldn't amuse your Majesty." +

+ +

+"I am hardly in a mood for joking," said the King. "Let us return to +business. As I was saying, you will announce to the people that the +enormous sacrifice which their King is prepared to make for them +consists of— There they go again. I must really see what it is. +Just pull the door back so that I may see without being seen." +

+ +

+"It—it really wouldn't amuse your Majesty." +

+ +

+"Are you implying that I have no sense of humour?" said the King +sternly. +

+ +

+"Oh, no, sire, but there are certain jokes, jokes in the poorest of +taste, that would naturally not appeal to so delicate a palate as your +Majesty's. This—er—strikes me as one of them." +

+ +

+"Of that I am the best judge," said the King coldly. "Open the door +at once." +

+ +

+The Chancellor opened the door; and there before the King's eyes, +flaunting themselves in the breeze beneath the Royal Standard of +Euralia, waved his own beloved whiskers. +

+ +

+The King of Barodia was not a lovable man, and his daughters were +decidedly plain, but there are moments when one cannot help admiring +him. This was one of them. +

+ +

+"You may shut the door," he said to the Chancellor. "The instructions +which I gave to you just now," he went on in the same cold voice, "are +cancelled. Let me think for a moment." He began to walk up and down +his apartment. "You may think, too," he added kindly. "If you have +anything not entirely senseless to suggest, you may suggest it." +

+ +

+He continued his pacings. Suddenly he came to a dead stop. He was +standing in front of a large mirror. For the first time since he was +seventeen he had seen his face without whiskers. His eyes still fixed +on his reflection, he beckoned the Chancellor to approach. +

+ +

+"Come here," he said, clutching him by the arm. "You see that?" He +pointed to the reflection. "That is what I look like? The mirror +hasn't made a mistake of any kind? That is really and truly what I +look like?" +

+ +

+"Yes, sire." +

+ +

+For a little while the King continued to gaze fascinated at his +reflection, and then he turned on the Chancellor. +

+ +

+"You coward!" he said. "You weak-kneed, jelly-souled, paper-livered +imitation of a man! You cringe to a King who looks like that! Why, +you ought to kick me." +

+ +

+The Chancellor remembered that he had one kick owing to him. He drew +back his foot, and then a thought occurred to him. +

+ +

+"You might kick me back," he pointed out. +

+ +

+"I certainly should," said the King. +

+ +

+The Chancellor hesitated a moment. +

+ +

+"I think," he said, "that these private quarrels in the face of the +common enemy are to be deplored." +

+ +

+The King looked at him, gave a short laugh, and went on walking up and +down. +

+ +

+"That face again," he sighed as he came opposite the mirror. "No, +it's no good; I can never be King like this. I shall abdicate." +

+ +

+"But, your Majesty, this is a very terrible decision. Could not your +Majesty live in retirement until your Majesty had grown your Majesty's +whiskers again? Surely this is——" +

+ +

+The King came to a stand opposite him and looked down on him gravely. +

+ +

+"Chancellor," he said, "those whiskers which you have just seen +fluttering in the breeze have been for more than forty years my curse. +For more than forty years I have had to live up to those whiskers, +behaving, not as my temperament, which is a kindly, indeed a genial +one, bade me to behave, but as those whiskers insisted I should +behave. Arrogant, hasty-tempered, over-bearing—these are the +qualities which have been demanded of the owner of those whiskers. I +played a part which was difficult at first; of late, it has, alas! +been more easy. Yet it has never been my true nature that you have +seen." +

+ +

+He paused and looked silently at himself in the glass. +

+ +

+"But, your Majesty," said the Chancellor eagerly, "why choose this +moment to abdicate? Think how your country will welcome this new King +whom you have just revealed to me. And yet," he added regretfully, +"it would not be quite the same." +

+ +

+The King turned round to him. +

+ +

+"There spoke a true Barodian," he said. "It would not be the same. +Barodians have come to expect certain qualities from their rulers, and +they would be lost without them. A new King might accustom them to +other ways, but they are used to me, and they would not like me +different. No, Chancellor, I shall abdicate. Do not wear so sad a +face for me. I am looking forward to my new life with the greatest of +joy." +

+ +

+The Chancellor was not looking sad for him; he was looking sad for +himself, thinking that perhaps a new King might like changes in +Chancellors equally with changes in manners or whiskers. +

+ +

+"But what will you do?" he asked. +

+ +

+"I shall be a simple subject of the new King, earning my living by my +own toil." +

+ +

+The Chancellor raised his eyebrows at this. +

+ +

+"I suppose you think," said the King haughtily, "that I have not the +intelligence to earn my own living." +

+ +

+The Chancellor with a cough remarked that the very distinguished +qualities which made an excellent King did not always imply the +corresponding—er—and so on. +

+ +

+"That shows how little you know about it. Just to give one example. +I happen to know that I have in me the makings of an excellent +swineherd." +

+ +

+"A swineherd?" +

+ +

+"The man who—er—herds the swine. It may surprise you to hear that, +posing as a swineherd, I have conversed with another of the profession +upon his own subject, without his suspecting the truth. It is just +such a busy outdoor life as I should enjoy. One herds and one milks, +and one milks, and—er—herds, and so it goes on day after day." A +happy smile, the first the Chancellor had ever seen there, spread +itself over his features. He clapped the Chancellor playfully on the +back and added, "I shall simply love it." +

+ +

+The Chancellor was amazed. What a story for his dinner-parties when +the war was over! +

+ +

+"How will you announce it?" he asked, and his tone struck a happy mean +between the tones in which you address a monarch and a pig-minder +respectively. +

+ +

+"That will be your duty. Now that I have shaken off the curse of +those whiskers, I am no longer a proud man, but even a swineherd would +not care for it to get about that he had been forcibly shaved while +sleeping. That this should be the last incident recorded of me in +Barodian history is unbearable. You will announce therefore that I +have been slain in fair combat, though at the dead of night, by the +King of Euralia, and that my whiskers fly over his royal tent as a +symbol of his victory." He winked at the Chancellor and added, "It +might as well get about that some one had stolen my Magic Sword that +evening." +

+ +

+The Chancellor was speechless with admiration and approval of the +plan. Like his brother of Euralia, he too was longing to get home +again. The war had arisen over a personal insult to the King. If the +King was no longer King, why should the war go on? +

+ +

+"I think," said the future swineherd, "that I shall send a Note over +to the King of Euralia, telling him my decision. To-night, when it is +dark, I shall steal away and begin my new life. There seems to be no +reason why the people should not go back to their homes to-morrow. By +the way, that guard outside there knows that I wasn't killed last +night; that's rather awkward." +

+ +

+"I think," said the Chancellor, who was already picturing his return +home, and was not going to be done out of it by a common sentry, "I +think I could persuade him that you were killed last night." +

+ +

+"Oh, well, then, that's all right." He drew a ring from his finger. +"Perhaps this will help him to be persuaded. Now leave me while I +write to the King of Euralia." +

+ +

+It was a letter which Merriwig was decidedly glad to get. It announced +bluntly that the war was over, and added that the King of Barodia +proposed to abdicate. His son would rule in his stead, but he was a +harmless fool, and the King of Euralia need not bother about him. The +King would be much obliged if he would let it get about that the +whiskers had been won in a fair fight; this would really be more to +the credit of both of them. Personally he was glad to be rid of the +things, but one has one's dignity. He was now retiring into private +life, and if it were rumoured abroad that he had been killed by the +King of Euralia matters would be much more easy to arrange. +

+ +

+Merriwig slept late after his long night abroad, and he found this +Note waiting for him when he awoke. He summoned the Chancellor at +once. +

+ +

+"What have you done about those—er—trophies?" he asked. +

+ +

+"They are fluttering from your flagstaff, sire, at this moment." +

+ +

+"Ah! And what do my people say?" +

+ +

+"They are roaring with laughter, sire, at the whimsical nature of the +jest." +

+ +

+"Yes, but what do they say?" +

+ +

+"Some say that your Majesty, with great cunning, ventured privily in +the night and cut them off while he slept; others, that with great +bravery you defeated him in mortal combat and carried them away as the +spoils of the victor." +

+ +

+"Oh! And what did you say?" +

+ +

+The Chancellor looked reproachful. +

+ +

+"Naturally, your Majesty, I have not spoken with them." +

+ +

+"Ah, well, I have been thinking it over in the night, and I remember +now that I did kill him. You understand?" +

+ +

+"Your Majesty's skill in sword play will be much appreciated by the +people." +

+ +

+"Quite so," said the King hastily. "Well, that's all—I'm getting up +now. And we're all going home to-morrow." +

+ +

+The Chancellor went out, rubbing his hands with delight. +

+ +

+[Illustration: Small picture of a thin man carrying a large sack] +

+ +


+ +

+ +[Illustration: A small girl in medieval garb holds a large document +

+ +

+CHAPTER XVIII +

+ +

+THE VETERAN OF THE FOREST ENTERTAINS TWO VERY YOUNG PEOPLE +

+ +

+Do you remember the day when the Princess Hyacinth and Wiggs sat upon +the castle walls and talked of Udo's coming? The Princess thought he +would be dark, and Wiggs thought he would be fair, and he was to have +the Purple Room—or was it the Blue?—and anyhow he was to put the +Countess in her place and bring happiness to Euralia. That seemed a +long time ago to Hyacinth now, as once more she sat on the castle +walls with Wiggs. +

+ +

+She was very lovely. She longed to get rid of that "outside help in +our affairs" which she had summoned so recklessly. They were two +against one now. Belvane actively against her was bad enough; but +Belvane in the background with Udo as her mouthpiece—Udo specially +asked in to give the benefit of his counsel—this was ten times worse. +

+ +

+"What do you do, Wiggs?" she asked, "when you are very lonely and +nobody loves you?" +

+ +

+"Dance," said Wiggs promptly. +

+ +

+"But if you don't want to dance?" +

+ +

+Wiggs tried to remember those dark ages (about a week ago) when she +couldn't dance. +

+ +

+"I used to go into the forest," she said, "and sit under my own tree, +and by and by everybody loved you." +

+ +

+"I wonder if they'd love me." +

+ +

+"Of course they would. Shall I show you my special tree?" +

+ +

+"Yes, but don't come with me; tell me where it is. I want to be +unhappy alone." +

+ +

+So Wiggs told her how you followed her special path, which went in at +the corner of the forest, until by and by the trees thinned on either +side, and it widened into a glade, and you went downhill and crossed +the brook at the bottom and went up the other side until it was all +trees again, and the first and the biggest and the oldest and the +loveliest was hers. And you turned round and sat with your back +against it, and looked across to where you'd come from, and then you +knew that everything was all right. +

+ +

+"I shall find it," said Hyacinth, as she got up. "Thank you, dear." +

+ +

+She found it, she sat there, and her heart was very bitter at first +against Udo and against Belvane, and even against her father for going +away and leaving her; but by and by the peace of the place wrapped +itself around her, and she felt that she would find a way out of her +difficulties somehow. Only she wished that her father would come +back, because he loved her, and she felt that it would be nice to be +loved again. +

+ +

+"It is beautiful, isn't it?" said a voice from behind her. +

+ +

+She turned suddenly, as a tall young man stepped out from among the +trees. +

+ +

+"Oh, who are you, please?" she asked, amazed at his sudden appearance. +His dress told her nothing, but his face told her things which she +was glad to know. +

+ +

+"My name," he said, "is Coronel." +

+ +

+"It is a pretty name." +

+ +

+"Yes, but don't be lead away by it. It belongs to nobody very +particular. Do you mind if I sit down? I generally sit down here +about this time." +

+ +

+"Oh, do you live in the forest?" +

+ +

+"I have lived here for the last week." He gave her a friendly smile, +and added, "You're late, aren't you?" +

+ +

+"Late?" +

+ +

+"Yes, I've been expecting you for the last seven days." +

+ +

+"How did you know there was any me at all?" smiled Hyacinth. +

+ +

+With a movement of his hand Coronel indicated the scene in front of +him. +

+ +

+"There had to be somebody for whom all this was made. It wanted +somebody to say thank you to it now and then." +

+ +

+"Haven't you been doing that all this week?" +

+ +

+"Me? I wouldn't presume. No, it's your glade, and you've neglected +it shamefully." +

+ +

+"There's a little girl who comes here," said Hyacinth. "I wonder if +you have seen her?" +

+ +

+Coronel turned away. There were secret places in his heart into which +Hyacinth could not come—yet. +

+ +

+"She danced," he said shortly. +

+ +

+There was silence between them for a little, but a comfortable +silence, as if they were already old friends. +

+ +

+"You know," said Hyacinth, looking down at him as he lay at her feet, +"you ought not to be here at all, really." +

+ +

+"I wish I could think that," said Coronel. "I had a horrible feeling +that duty called me here. I love those places where one really +oughtn't to be at all, don't you?" +

+ +

+"I love being here," sighed Hyacinth. "Wiggs was quite right." +Seeing him look up at her she added, "Wiggs is the little girl who +dances, you know." +

+ +

+"She would be right," said Coronel, looking away from her. +

+ +

+Hyacinth felt strangely rested. It seemed that never again would +anything trouble her; never again would she have only her own strength +to depend upon. Who was he? But it did not matter. He might go away +and she might never see him again, but she was no longer afraid of the +world. +

+ +

+"I thought," she said, "that all the men of Euralia were away +fighting." +

+ +

+"So did I," said Coronel. +

+ +

+"What are you, then? A Prince from a distant country, an enchanter, a +spy sent from Barodia, a travelling musician?—you see, I give you +much to choose from." +

+ +

+"You leave me nothing to be but what I am—Coronel." +

+ +

+"And I am Hyacinth." +

+ +

+He knew, of course, but he made no sign. +

+ +

+"Hyacinth," he said, and he held out his hand. +

+ +

+"Coronel," she answered as she took it. +

+ +

+The brook chuckled to itself as it hurried past below them. +

+ +

+Hyacinth got up with a little sigh of contentment. +

+ +

+"Well, I must be going," she said. +

+ +

+"Must you really be going?" asked Coronel. "I wasn't saying good-bye, +you know." +

+ +

+ + + +

+ +

+"I really must." +

+ +

+"It's a surprising thing about the view from here," said Coronel, +"that it looks just as nice to-morrow. To-morrow about the same +time." +

+ +

+"That's a very extraordinary thing," smiled Hyacinth. +

+ +

+"Yes, but it's one of those things that you don't want to take another +person's word for." +

+ +

+"You think I ought to see for myself? Well, perhaps I will." +

+ +

+"Give me a whistle if I happen to be passing," said Coronel casually, +"and tell me what you think. Good-bye, Hyacinth." +

+ +

+"Good-bye, Coronel." +

+ +

+She nodded her head confidently at him, and then turned round and went +off daintily down the hill. +

+ +

+Coronel stared after her. +

+ +

+"What is Udo doing?" he murmured to himself. "But perhaps she +doesn't like animals. A whole day to wait. How endless!" +

+ +

+If he had known that Udo, now on two legs again, was at that moment in +Belvane's garden, trying to tell her, for the fifth time that week, +about his early life in Araby, he would have been still more +surprised. +

+ +

+We left Coronel, if you remember, in Araby. For three or four days he +remained there, wondering how Udo was getting on, and feeling more and +more that he ought to do something about it. On the fourth day he got +on to his horse and rode off again. He simply must see what was +happening. If Udo wanted to help, then he would be there to give it; +if Udo was all right again, then he could go comfortably back to +Araby. +

+ +

+To tell the truth, Coronel was a little jealous of his friend. A +certain Prince Perivale, who had stayed at his uncle's court, had once +been a suitor for Hyacinth's hand; but losing a competition with the +famous seven-headed bull of Euralia, which Merriwig had arranged for +him, had made no further headway with his suit. This Prince had had a +portrait of Hyacinth specially done for him by his own Court Painter, +a portrait which Coronel had seen. It was for this reason that he had +at first objected to accompanying Udo to Euralia, and it was for this +reason that he persuaded himself very readily that the claims of +friendship called him there now. +

+ +

+For the last week he had been waiting in the forest. Now that he was +there, he was not quite sure how to carry out his mission. So far +there had been no sign of Udo, either on four legs or on two; it +seemed probable that unless Coronel went to the Palace and asked for +him, there would be no sign. And if he went to the Palace, and Udo +was all right, and the Princess Hyacinth was in love with him, then +the worst would have happened. He would have to stay there and help +admire Udo—an unsatisfying prospect to a man in love. For he told +himself by this time that he was in love with Hyacinth, although he +had never seen her. +

+ +

+So he had waited in the forest, hoping for something to turn up; and +first Wiggs had come . . . and now at last Hyacinth. He was very glad +that he had waited. +

+ +

+She was there on the morrow. +

+ +

+"I knew you'd come," said Coronel. "It looks just as beautiful, +doesn't it?" +

+ +

+"I think it's even more beautiful," said Hyacinth. +

+ +

+"You mean those little white clouds? That was my idea putting those +in. I thought you'd like them." +

+ +

+"I wondered what you did all day. Does it keep you very busy?" +

+ +

+"Oh," said Coronel, "I have time for singing." +

+ +

+"Why do you sing?" +

+ +

+"Because I am young and the forest is beautiful." +

+ +

+"I have been singing this morning, too." +

+ +

+"Why?" asked Coronel eagerly. +

+ +

+"Because the war with Barodia is over." +

+ +

+"Oh!" said Coronel, rather taken aback. +

+ +

+"That doesn't interest you. Yet if you were a Euralian——" +

+ +

+"But it interests me extremely. Let us admire the scene for a moment, +while I think. Look, there is another of my little clouds." +

+ +

+Coronel wondered what would happen now. If the King were coming back, +then Udo would be wanted no longer save as a suitor for Hyacinth's +hand. If, then, he returned, it would show that—— But suppose he +was still an animal? It was doubtful if he would go back to Araby as +an animal. And then there was another possibility: perhaps he had +never come to Euralia at all. Here were a lot of questions to be +answered, and here next to him was one who could answer them. But he +must go carefully. +

+ +

+"Ninety-seven, ninety-eight, ninety-nine, a hundred," he said aloud. +"There, I've finished my thinking and you've finished your looking." +

+ +

+"And what have you decided?" smiled Hyacinth. +

+ +

+"Decided?" said Coronel, rather startled. "Oh, no, I wasn't deciding +anything, I was just thinking. I was thinking about animals." +

+ +

+"So was I." +

+ +

+"How very curious, and also how wrong of you. You were supposed to be +admiring my clouds. What sort of animals were you thinking about?" +

+ +

+"Oh—all sorts." +

+ +

+"I was thinking about rabbits. Do you care for rabbits at all?" +

+ +

+"Not very much." +

+ +

+"Neither do I. They're so loppity. Do you like lions?" +

+ +

+"I think their tails are rather silly," said Hyacinth. +

+ +

+"Yes, perhaps they are. Now—a woolly lamb." +

+ +

+"I am not very fond of woolly lambs just now." +

+ +

+"No? Well, they're not very interesting. It's a funny thing," he +went on casually, trying to steal a glance at her, "that we should be +talking about those three animals, because I once met somebody who was +a mixture of all three together at the same time." +

+ +

+"So did I," said Hyacinth gravely. +

+ +

+But he saw her mouth trembling, and suddenly she turned round and +caught his eye, and then they burst out laughing together. +

+ +

+"Poor Udo," said Coronel; "and how is he looking now?" +

+ +

+"He is all right again now." +

+ +

+"All right again? Then why isn't he—— But I'm very glad he isn't." +

+ +

+"I didn't like him," said Hyacinth, blushing a little. And then she +went on bravely, "But I think he found he didn't like me first." +

+ +

+"He wants humouring," said Coronel. "It's my business to humour him, +it isn't yours." +

+ +

+Hyacinth looked at him with a new interest. +

+ +

+"Now I know who you are," she said. "He talked about you once." +

+ +

+"What did he say?" asked Coronel, obviously dying to know. +

+ +

+"He said you were good at poetry." +

+ +

+Coronel was a little disappointed. He would have preferred Hyacinth +to have been told that he was good at dragons. However, they had met +now and it did not matter. +

+ +

+"Princess," he said suddenly, "I expect you wonder what I am doing +here. I came to see if Prince Udo was in need of help, and also to +see if you were in need of help. Prince Udo was my friend, but if he +has not been a friend of yours, then he is no longer a friend of mine. +Tell me what has been happening here, and then tell me if in any way +I can help you." +

+ +

+"You called me Hyacinth yesterday," she said, "and it is still my +name." +

+ +

+"Hyacinth," said Coronel, taking her hand, "tell me if you want me at +all." +

+ +

+"Thank you, Coronel. You see, Coronel, it's like this." And sitting +beneath Wiggs's veteran of the forest, with Coronel lying at her feet, +she told him everything. +

+ +

+"It seems easy enough," he said when she had finished. "You want Udo +pushed out and the Countess put in her place. I can do the one while +you do the other." +

+ +

+"Yes, but how do I push Prince Udo out?" +

+ +

+"That's what I'm going to do." +

+ +

+"Yes, but, Coronel dear, if I could put the Countess in her place, +shouldn't I have done it a long time ago? I don't think you quite +know the sort of person she is. And I don't quite know what her place +is either, which makes it rather had to put her into it. You see, I +don't think I told you that—that Father is rather fond of her." +

+ +

+"I thought you said Udo was." +

+ +

+"They both are." +

+ +

+"Then how simple. We simply kill Udo, and—and—well, anyhow, there's +one part of it done." +

+ +

+"Yes, but what about the other part?" +

+ +

+Coronel thought for a moment. +

+ +

+"Would it be simpler if we did it the other way around?" he said. +"Killed the Countess and put Udo in his place." +

+ +

+"Father wouldn't like that at all, and he's coming back to-morrow." +

+ +

+Coronel didn't quite see the difficulty. If the King was in love with +the Countess, he would marry her whatever Hyacinth did. And what was +the good of putting her in her place for one day if her next place was +to be on the throne. +

+ +

+Hyacinth guessed what he was thinking. +

+ +

+"Oh, don't you see," she cried, "she doesn't know that the King is +coming back to-morrow. And if I can only just show her—I don't mind +if it's only for an hour—that I am not afraid of her, and that she +has got to take her orders from me, then I shan't mind so much all +that has happened these last weeks. But if she is to have disregarded +me all the time, if she is to have plotted against me from the very +moment my father went away, and if nothing is to come to her for it +but that she marries my father and becomes Queen of Euralia, then I +can have no pride left, and I will be a Princess no longer." +

+ +

+"I must see this Belvane," said Coronel thoughtfully. +

+ +

+"Oh, Coronel, Coronel," cried Hyacinth, "if you fall in love with +her, too, I think I shall die of shame!" +

+ +

+"With her, Hyacinth?" he said, turning to her in amazement. +

+ +

+"Yes, you—I didn't—you never—I——" Her voice trailed away; she +could not meet his gaze any longer; she dropped her eyes, and the next +moment his arms were round her, and she knew that she would never be +alone again. +

+ +


+ +

+ +[Illustration: Detail of Hyacinth presenting Coronel] +

+ +

+CHAPTER XIX +

+ +

+UDO BEHAVES LIKE A GENTLEMAN +

+ +

+"And now," said Coronel, "we'd better decide what to do." +

+ +

+"But I don't mind what we do now," said Hyacinth happily. "She may +have the throne and Father and Udo, and—and anything else she can +get, and I shan't mind a bit. You see, I have got you now, Coronel, +and I can never be jealous of anybody again." +

+ +

+"That's what makes it so jolly. We can do what we like, and it +doesn't matter if it doesn't come off. So just for fun let's think of +something to pay her out." +

+ +

+"I feel I don't want to hurt anybody to-day." +

+ +

+"All right, we won't hurt her, we'll humour her. We will be her most +humble obedient servants. She shall have everything she wants." +

+ +

+"Including Prince Udo," smiled Hyacinth. +

+ +

+"That's a splendid idea. We'll make her have Udo. It will annoy your +father, but one can't please everybody. Oh, I can see myself enjoying +this." +

+ +

+They got up and wandered back along Wiggs's path, hand in hand. +

+ +

+"I'm almost afraid to leave the forest," said Hyacinth, "in case +something happens." +

+ +

+"What should happen?" +

+ +

+"I don't know; but all our life together has been in the forest, and +I'm just a little afraid of the world." +

+ +

+"I will be very close to you always, Hyacinth." +

+ +

+"Be very close, Coronel," she whispered, and then they walked out +together. +

+ +

+If any of the servants at the Palace were surprised to see Coronel, +they did not show it. After all, that was their business. +

+ +

+"Prince Coronel will be staying here," said the Princess. "Prepare a +room for him and some refreshment for us both." And if they discussed +those things in the servants' halls of those days (as why should they +not?), no doubt they told each other that the Princess Hyacinth (bless +her pretty face!) had found her man at last. Why, you only had to see +her looking at him. But I get no assistance from Roger at this point; +he pretends that he has a mind far above the gossip of the lower +orders. +

+ +

+"I say," said Coronel, as they went up the grand staircase, "I am not +a Prince, you know. Don't say I have deceived you." +

+ +

+"You are my Prince," said Hyacinth proudly. +

+ +

+"My dear, I am a king among men to-day, and you are my queen, but +that's in our own special country of two." +

+ +

+"If you are so particular," said Hyacinth, with a smile, "Father will +make you a proper Prince directly he comes back." +

+ +

+"Will he? That's what I'm wondering. You see he doesn't know yet +about our little present to the Countess." +

+ +

+      * * * * *
+

+ +

+But it is quite time we got back to Belvane; we have left her alone +too long. It was more than Udo did. Just now he was with her in her +garden, telling her for the fifth time an extraordinarily dull story +about an encounter of his with a dragon, apparently in its dotage, to +which Belvane was listening with an interest which surprised even the +narrator. +

+ +

+"And then," said Udo, "I jumped quickly to the right, and whirling +my—no, wait a bit, that was later—I jumped quickly to my left—yes, +I remember it now, it was my left—I jumped quickly to my left, and +whirling my——" +

+ +

+He stopped suddenly at the expression on Belvane's face. She was +looking over his shoulder at something behind him. +

+ +

+"Why, whoever is this?" she said, getting to her feet. +

+ +

+Before Udo had completely cleared his mind of his dragon, the Princess +and Coronel were upon them. +

+ +

+"Ah, Countess, I thought we should find you together," said Hyacinth +archly. "Let me present to you my friend, the Duke Coronel. Coronel, +this is Countess Belvane, a very dear and faithful friend of mine. +Prince Udo, of course, you know. His Royal Highness and the Countess +are—well, it isn't generally known at present, so perhaps I oughtn't +to say anything." +

+ +

+Coronel made a deep bow to the astonished Belvane. +

+ +

+ + + +

+ +

+"Your humble servant," he said. "You will, I am sure, forgive me if I +say how glad I am to hear your news. Udo is one of my oldest +friends"—he turned and clapped that bewildered Highness on the +back—"aren't you, Udo? and I can think of no one more suitable in +every way." He bowed again, and turned back to the Prince. "Well, +Udo, you're looking splendid. A different thing, Countess, from when +I last saw him. Let me see, that must have been just the day before +he arrived in Euralia. Ah, what a miracle-worker True Love is!" +

+ +

+I think one of the things which made Belvane so remarkable was that +she was never afraid of remaining silent when she was not quite sure +what to say. She waited therefore while she considered what all this +meant; who Coronel was, what he was doing there, even whether a +marriage with Udo was not after all the best that she could hope for +now. +

+ +

+Meanwhile Udo, of course, blundered along gaily. +

+ +

+"We aren't exactly, Princess—I mean——What are you doing here, +Coronel?—I didn't know, Princess, that you—— The Countess and I +were just having a little—I was just telling her what you said +about—How did you get here, Coronel?" +

+ +

+"Shall we tell him?" said Coronel, with a smile at Hyacinth. +

+ +

+Hyacinth nodded. +

+ +

+"I rode," said Coronel. "It's a secret," he added. +

+ +

+"But I didn't know that you——" +

+ +

+"We find that we have really known each other a very long time," +explained Hyacinth. +

+ +

+"And hearing that there was to be a wedding," added Coronel—— +

+ +

+Belvane made up her mind. Coronel was evidently a very different man +from Udo. If he stayed in Euralia as adviser—more than adviser she +guessed—to Hyacinth, her own position would not be in much doubt. +And as for the King, it might be months before he came back, and when +he did come would he remember her? But to be Queen of Araby was no +mean thing. +

+ +

+"We didn't want it to be known yet," she said shyly, "but you have +guessed our secret, your Royal Highness." She looked modestly at the +ground, and, feeling for her reluctant lover's hand, went on, "Udo and +I"—here she squeezed the hand, and, finding it was Coronel's, took +Udo's boldly without any more maidenly nonsense—"Udo and I love each +other." +

+ +

+"Say something, Udo," prompted Coronel. +

+ +

+"Er—yes," said Udo, very unwillingly, and deciding he would explain +it all afterwards. Whatever his feelings for the Countess, he was not +going to be rushed into a marriage. +

+ +

+"Oh, I'm so glad," said Hyacinth. "I felt somehow that it must be +coming, because you've seen so much of each other lately. Wiggs and +I have often talked about it together." +

+ +

+("What has happened to the child?" thought Belvane. "She isn't a +child at all, she's grown up.") +

+ +

+"There's no holding Udo once he begins," volunteered Coronel. "He's +the most desperate lover in Araby. +

+ +

+"My father will be so excited when he hears," said Hyacinth. "You +know, of course, that his Majesty comes back to-morrow with all his +army." +

+ +

+She did not swoon or utter a cry. She did not plead the vapours or +the megrims. She took unflinching what must have been the biggest +shock in her life. +

+ +

+"Then perhaps I had better see that everything is ready in the +Palace," she said, "if your Royal Highness will excuse me." And with +a curtsey she was gone. +

+ +

+Coronel exchanged a glance with Hyacinth. "I'm enjoying this," he +seemed to say. +

+ +

+"Well," she announced, "I must be going in, too. There'll be much to +see about." +

+ +

+Coronel was left alone with the most desperate lover in Araby. +

+ +

+"And now," said the Prince, "tell me what you are doing here." +

+ +

+Coronel put his arm in Udo's and walked him up and down the flagged +path. +

+ +

+"Your approaching marriage," he said, "is the talk of Araby. +Naturally I had to come here to see for myself what she was like. My +dear Udo, she's charming; I congratulate you." +

+ +

+"Don't be a fool, Coronel. I haven't the slightest intention of +marrying her." +

+ +

+"Then why have you told everybody that you are going to?" +

+ +

+"You know quite well I haven't told anybody. There hasn't been a +single word about it mentioned until you pushed your way in just now." +

+ +

+"Ah, well, perhaps you hadn't heard about it. But the Princess knows, +the Countess knows, and I know—yes, I think you may take our word for +it that it's true." +

+ +

+"I haven't the slightest intention—what do you keep clinging to my +arm like this for? +

+ +

+"My dear Udo, I'm so delighted to see you again. Don't turn your back +on old friendships just because you have found a nobler and a +truer—— Oh, very well, if you're going to drop all your former +friends, go on then. But when I'm married, there will always be a +place for——" +

+ +

+"Understand once and for all," said Udo angrily, "that I am not +getting married. No, don't take my arm—we can talk quite well like +this." +

+ +

+"I am sorry, Udo," said Coronel meekly; "we seem to have made a +mistake. But you must admit we found you in a very compromising +position." +

+ +

+"It wasn't in the least compromising," protested Udo indignantly. "As +a matter of fact I was just telling her about that dragon I killed in +Araby last year." +

+ +

+"Ah, and who would listen to a hopeless story like that, but the woman +one was going to marry?" +

+ +

+"Once more, I am not going to marry her." +

+ +

+"Well, you must please yourself, but you have compromised her severely +with that story. Poor innocent girl. Well, let's forget about it. +And now tell me, how do you like Euralia?" +

+ +

+"I am returning to Araby this afternoon," said Udo stiffly. +

+ +

+"Well, perhaps you're right. I hope that nothing will happen to you +on the way." +

+ +

+Udo, who was about to enter the Palace, turned round with a startled +look. +

+ +

+"What do you mean?" +

+ +

+"Well, something happened on the way here. By the by, how did that +happen? You never told me." +

+ +

+"Your precious Countess, whom you expect me to marry." +

+ +

+"How very unkind of her. A nasty person to annoy." He was silent for +a moment, and then added thoughtfully, "I suppose it is rather +annoying to think you're going to marry somebody whom you love very +much, and then find you're not going to." +

+ +

+Udo evidently hadn't thought of this. He tried to show that he was +not in the least frightened. +

+ +

+"She couldn't do anything. It was only by a lucky chance she did it +last time." +

+ +

+"Yes, but of course the chance might come again. You'd have the thing +hanging over you always. She's clever, you know; and I should never +feel quite safe if she were my enemy. . . . Lovely flowers, aren't +they? What's the name of this one?" +

+ +

+Udo dropped undecidedly into a seat. This wanted thinking out. The +Countess—what was wrong with her, after all? And she evidently adored +him. Of course that was not surprising; the question was, was it fair +to disappoint one who had, perhaps, some little grounds for——? +After all, he had been no more gallant than was customary from a +Prince and a gentleman to a beautiful woman. It was her own fault if +she had mistaken his intentions. Of course he ought to have left +Euralia long ago. But he had stayed on, and—well, decidedly she was +beautiful—perhaps he had paid rather too much attention to that. And +he had certainly neglected the Princess a little. After all, again, +why not marry the Countess? It was absurd to suppose there was +anything in Coronel's nonsense, but one never knew. Not that he was +marrying her out of fear. No; certainly not. It was simply a +chivalrous whim on his part. The poor woman had misunderstood him, +and she should not be disappointed. +

+ +

+"She seems fond of flowers," said Coronel. "You ought to make the +Palace garden look beautiful between you." +

+ +

+"Now, understand clearly, Coronel, I'm not in the least frightened by +the Countess." +

+ +

+"My dear Udo, what a speech for a lover! Of course you're not. After +all, what you bore with such patience and dignity once, you can bear +again." +

+ +

+"That subject is distasteful to me. I must ask you not to refer to +it. If I marry the Countess——" +

+ +

+"You'll be a very lucky man," put in Coronel. "I happen to know that +the King of Euralia—however, she's chosen you, it seems. Personally, +I can't make out what she sees in you. What is it?" +

+ +

+"I should have thought it was quite obvious," said Udo with dignity. +"Well, Coronel, I think perhaps you are right and that it's my duty to +marry her." +

+ +

+Coronel shook him solemnly by the hand. +

+ +

+"I congratulate your Royal Highness. I will announce your decision to +the Princess. She will be much amu—much delighted." And he turned +into the Palace. +

+ +

+Pity him, you lovers. He had not seen Hyacinth for nearly ten +minutes. +

+ +


+ +

+ +[Illustration: Detail of dark-haired girl in a pastoral scene] +

+ +

+CHAPTER XX +

+ +

+CORONEL KNOWS A GOOD STORY WHEN HE HEARS IT +

+ +

+I quote (with slight alterations) from an epic by Charlotte Patacake, +a contemporary poet of the country: +

+ +

+ King Merriwig the First rode back from war,
+ As many other Kings had done before;
+ Five hundred men behind him were in sight
+ (Left-right, left-right, left-right, left-right, left-right).
+

+ +

+So far as is known, this was her only work, but she built up some +reputation on it, and Belvane, who was a good judge, had a high +opinion of her genius. +

+ +

+To be exact, there were only four hundred and ninety-nine men. Henry +Smallnose, a bowman of considerable promise, had been left behind in +the enemy's country, the one casualty of war. While spying out the +land in the early days of the invasion, he had been discovered by the +Chief Armourer of Barodia at full length on the wet grass searching +for tracks. The Chief Armourer, a kindly man, had invited him to his +cottage, dried him and given him a warming drink, and had told him +that, if ever his spying took him that way again, he was not to stand +on ceremony, but come in and pay him a visit. Henry, having caught a +glimpse of the Chief Armourer's daughter, had accepted without any +false pride, and had frequently dropped in to supper thereafter. Now +that the war was over, he found that he could not tear himself away. +With King Merriwig's permission he was settling in Barodia, and with +the Chief Armourer's permission he was starting on his new life as a +married man. +

+ +

+As the towers of the castle came in sight, Merriwig drew a deep breath +of happiness. Home again! The hardships of the war were over; the +spoils of victory (wrapped up in tissue paper) were in his pocket; +days of honoured leisure were waiting for him. He gazed at each +remembered landmark of his own beloved country, his heart overflowing +with thankfulness. Never again would he leave Euralia! +

+ +

+How good to see Hyacinth again! Poor little Hyacinth left all alone; +but there! she had had the Countess Belvane, a woman of great +experience, to help her. Belvane! Should he risk it? How much had +she thought of him while he was away? Hyacinth would be growing up +and getting married soon. Life would be lonely in Euralia then, +unless—— Should he risk it? +

+ +

+What would Hyacinth say? +

+ +

+She was waiting for him at the gates of the castle. She had wanted +Coronel to wait with her, but he had refused. +

+ +

+ + + +

+ +

+"We must offer the good news to him gradually," he said. "When a man +has just come back from a successful campaign, he doesn't want to find +a surprise like this waiting for him. Just think—we don't even know +why the war is over—he must be longing to tell you that. Oh, he'll +have a hundred things to tell you first; but then, when he says 'And +what's been happening here while I've been away? Nothing much, I +suppose?' then you can say——" +

+ +

+"Then I shall say, 'Nothing much; only Coronel.' And such a clever!" +

+ +

+"Oh, I have my ideas," said Coronel. "Well, I'll be out of the way +somewhere. I think I'll go for a walk in the forest. Or shall I stay +here, in the Countess's garden, and amuse myself with Udo? Anyhow, +I'll give you an hour alone together first." +

+ +

+The cavalcade drew up in front of the castle. Handkerchiefs fluttered +to them from the walls; trumpets were blown; hounds bayed. Down the +steps came Hyacinth, all blue and gold, and flung herself into her +father's arms. +

+ +

+"My dear child," said Merriwig as he patted her soothingly. "There, +there! It's your old father come back again. H'r'm. There, there!" +He patted her again, as though it were she and not himself who was in +danger of breaking down. "My little Hyacinth! My own little girl!" +

+ +

+"Oh, Father, I am glad to have you back." +

+ +

+"There, there, my child. Now I must just say a few words to my men, +and then we can tell each other all that has been happening." +

+ +

+He took a step forward and addressed his troops. +

+ +

+"Men of Euralia (cheers). We have returned from a long and arduous +conflict (cheers) to the embraces (loud cheers) of our mothers and +wives and daughters (prolonged cheering)—as the case may be (hear, +hear). In honour of our great victory I decree that, from now +onwards, to-morrow shall be observed as a holiday throughout Euralia +(terrific cheering). I bid you all now return to your homes, and I +hope that you will find as warm a welcome there as I have found in +mine." Here he turned and embraced his daughter again; and if his eye +travelled over her shoulder in the direction of Belvane's garden, it +is a small matter, and one for which the architect of the castle, no +doubt, was principally to blame. +

+ +

+There was another storm of cheers, the battle-cry of Euralia, "Ho, +ho, Merriwig!" was shouted from five hundred throats, and the men +dispersed happily to their homes. Hyacinth and Merriwig went into the +Palace. +

+ +

+"Now, Father," said Hyacinth later on, when Merriwig had changed his +clothes and refreshed himself, "you've got to tell me all about it. I +can hardly believe it's really over." +

+ +

+"Yes, yes. It's all over," said Merriwig heartily. "We shan't have +any trouble in that direction again, I fancy." +

+ +

+"Do tell me, did the King of Barodia apologise?" +

+ +

+"He did better than that, he abdicated." +

+ +

+"Why?" +

+ +

+"Well," said Merriwig, remembering just in time, "I—er—killed him." +

+ +

+"Oh, Father, how rough of you." +

+ +

+"I don't think it hurt him very much, my dear. It was more a shock to +his feelings than anything else. See, I have brought these home for +you." +

+ +

+He produced from his pocket a small packet in tissue paper. +

+ +

+"Oh, how exciting! Whatever can it be?" +

+ +

+Merriwig unwrapped the paper, and disclosed a couple of ginger +whiskers, neatly tied up with blue ribbon. +

+ +

+"Father!" +

+ +

+He picked out the left one, fons et origo (if he had known any +Latin) of the war, and held it up for Hyacinth's inspection. +

+ +

+"There, you can see the place where Henry Smallnose's arrow bent it. +By the way," he added, "Henry is marrying and settling down in +Barodia. It is curious," he went on, "how after a war one's thoughts +turn to matrimony." He glanced at his daughter to see how she would +take this, but she was still engrossed with the whiskers. +

+ +

+"What am I going to do with them, Father? I can't plant them in the +garden." +

+ +

+"I thought we might run them up the flagstaff, as we did in Barodia." +

+ +

+"Isn't that a little unkind now that the poor man's dead?" +

+ +

+Merriwig looked round him to see that there were no eavesdroppers. +

+ +

+"Can you keep a secret?" he asked mysteriously. +

+ +

+"Of course," said Hyacinth, deciding at once that it would not matter +if she only told Coronel. +

+ +

+"Well, then, listen." +

+ +

+He told her of his secret journey to the King of Barodia's tent; he +told her of the King of Barodia's letter; he told her more fully of +his early duel with the King; he told her everything that he had said +and done; and everything that everybody else had said and done to him; +and his boyish pleasure in it all was so evident and so innocent, that +even a stranger would have had nothing more reproachful for him than a +smile. To Hyacinth he seemed the dearest of fathers and the most +wonderful of kings. +

+ +

+And by and by the moment came of which Coronel had spoken. +

+ +

+"And now," said Merriwig, "tell me what you have all been doing with +yourselves here. Nothing much, I suppose?" +

+ +

+He waited nervously, wondering if Hyacinth would realise that "all" +was meant to include more particularly Belvane. +

+ +

+Hyacinth drew a stool up to her father's chair and sat down very close +to him. +

+ +

+"Father," she said, stroking his hand where it rested on his knee, "I +have got some news for you." +

+ +

+"Nothing about the Coun—nothing serious, I hope," said Merriwig, in +alarm. +

+ +

+"It's rather serious, but it's rather nice. Father, dear, would you +mind very much if I got married soon?" +

+ +

+"My dear, you shall get married as soon as you like. Let me see, +there were six or seven Princes who came about it only the other day. +I sent them off on adventures of some kind, but—dear me, yes, they +ought to have been back by now. I suppose you haven't heard anything +of them?" +

+ +

+"No, Father," said Hyacinth, with a little smile. +

+ +

+"Ah, well, no doubt they were unsuccessful. No matter, dear, we can +easily find you plenty more suitors. Indeed, the subject has been +very near my thoughts lately. We'll arrange a little competition, and +let them know in the neighbouring countries; there'll be no lack of +candidates. Let me see, there's that seven-headed bull; he's getting +a little old now, but he was good enough for the last one. We +might——" +

+ +

+"I don't want a suitor," said Hyacinth softly. "I have one." +

+ +

+Merriwig leant forward with eagerness. +

+ +

+"My dear, this is indeed news. Tell me all about it. Upon what quest +did you send him?" +

+ +

+Hyacinth had felt this coming. Had she lived in modern times she +would have expected the question, "What is his income?" A man must +prove his worth in some way. +

+ +

+"I haven't sent him away at all yet," she said; "he's only just come. +He's been very kind to me, and I'm sure you'll love him." +

+ +

+"Well, well, we'll arrange something for him. Perhaps that bull I was +speaking of—— By the way, who is he?" +

+ +

+"He comes from Araby, and his name is——" +

+ +

+"Udo, of course. Why didn't I think of him? An excellent +arrangement, my dear." +

+ +

+"It isn't Udo, I'm afraid, Father. It's Coronel." +

+ +

+"And who might Coronel be?" said the King, rather sternly. +

+ +

+"He's—he's—well, he's—— Here he is, Father." She ran up to him +impulsively as he came in at the door. "Oh, Coronel, you're just in +time; do tell Father who you are." +

+ +

+Coronel bowed profoundly to the King. +

+ +

+"Before I explain myself, your Majesty," he said, "may I congratulate +your Majesty on your wonderful victory over the Barodians? From the +little I have gathered outside, it is the most remarkable victory that +has ever occurred. But of course I am longing to hear the full story +from your Majesty's own lips. Is it a fact that your Majesty made his +way at dead of night to the King of Barodia's own tent and challenged +him to mortal combat and slew him?" There was an eagerness, very +winning, in his eyes as he asked it; he seemed to be envying the King +such an adventure—an adventure after his own heart. +

+ +

+Merriwig was in an awkward position. He wondered for a moment whether +to order his daughter out of the room. "Leave us, my child," he would +say. "These are matters for men to discuss." But Hyacinth would know +quite well why she had been sent out, and would certainly tell Coronel +the truth of the matter afterwards. +

+ +

+It really looked as if Coronel would have to be let into the secret +too. He cleared his throat noisily by way of preparation. +

+ +

+"There are certain state reasons," he said with dignity, "why that +story has been allowed to get about." +

+ +

+"Pardon, your Majesty. I have no wish to——" +

+ +

+"But as you know so much, you may as well know all. It happened like +this." Once more he told the story of his midnight visit, and of the +King's letter to him. +

+ +

+"But, your Majesty," cried Coronel, "it is more wonderful than the +other. Never was such genius of invention, such brilliance and daring +of execution." +

+ +

+"So you like it," said Merriwig, trying to look modest. +

+ +

+"I love it." +

+ +

+"I knew he'd love it," put in Hyacinth. "It's just the sort of story +that Coronel would love. Tell him about how you fought the King at +the beginning of the war, and how you pretended to be a swineherd, and +how—" +

+ +

+Could any father have resisted? In a little while Hyacinth and +Coronel were seated eagerly at his feet, and he was telling once more +the great story of his adventures. +

+ +

+"Well, well," said the King at the end of it, when he had received +their tribute of admiration. "Those are just a few of the little +adventures that happen in war time." He turned to Coronel. "And so +you, I understand, wish to marry my daughter?" +

+ +

+"Does that surprise your Majesty?" +

+ +

+"Well, no, it doesn't. And she, I understand, wishes to marry you." +

+ +

+"Yes, please, Father." +

+ +

+"That," said Coronel simply, "is much more surprising." +

+ +

+Merriwig, however, was not so sure of that. He liked the look of +Coronel, he liked his manner, and he saw at once that he knew a good +story—when he heard one. +

+ +

+"Of course," he said, "you'll have to win her." +

+ +

+"Anything your Majesty sets me to do. It's as well," he added with a +disarming smile, "that you cannot ask for the whiskers of the King of +Barodia. There is only one man who could have got those." +

+ +

+Truly an excellent young man. +

+ +

+"Well, we'll arrange something," said Merriwig, looking pleased. +"Perhaps your Prince Udo would care to be a competitor too." +

+ +

+Hyacinth and Coronel interchanged a smile. +

+ +

+"Alas, Father," she said, "his Royal Highness is not attracted by my +poor charms." +

+ +

+"Wait till he has seen them, my dear," said Merriwig with a chuckle. +

+ +

+"He has seen them, Father." +

+ +

+"What? You invited him here? Tell me about this, Hyacinth. He came +to stay with you and he never——" +

+ +

+"His Royal Highness," put in Coronel, "has given his affections to +another." +

+ +

+"Aha! So that's the secret. Now I wonder if I can guess who she is. +What do you say to the Princess Elvira of Tregong? I know his father +had hopes in that direction." +

+ +

+Hyacinth looked round at Coronel as if appealing for his support. He +took a step towards her. +

+ +

+"No, it's not the Princess Elvira," said Hyacinth, a little nervously. +

+ +

+The King laughed good-humouredly. +

+ +

+"Ah, well, you must tell me," he said. +

+ +

+Hyacinth put out her hand, and Coronel pressed it encouragingly. +

+ +

+"His Royal Highness Prince Udo," she said, "is marrying the Countess +Belvane." +

+ +


+ +

+ +[Illustration: A man surrounded by clouds of smoke] +

+ +

+CHAPTER XXI +

+ +

+A SERPENT COMING AFTER UDO +

+ +

+Belvane had now had twenty-four hours in which to think it over. +

+ +

+Whatever her faults, she had a sense of humour. She could not help +smiling to herself as she thought of that scene in the garden. +However much she regretted her too hasty engagement, she was sure Udo +regretted it still more. If she gave him the least opportunity he +would draw back from it. +

+ +

+Then why not give him the opportunity? "My dear Prince Udo, I'm +afraid I mistook the nature of my feelings"—said, of course, with +downcast head and a maidenly blush. Exit Udo with haste, enter King +Merriwig. It would be so easy. +

+ +

+Ah, but then Hyacinth would have won. Hyacinth had forced the +engagement upon her; even if it only lasted for twenty-four hours, so +long as it was a forced engagement, Hyacinth would have had the better +of her for that time. But if she welcomed the engagement, if she +managed in some way to turn it to account, to make it appear as if she +had wanted it all the time, then Hyacinth's victory would be no +victory at all, but a defeat. +

+ +

+Marry Udo, then, as if willingly? Yes, but that was too high a price +to pay. She was by this time thoroughly weary of him and besides, she +had every intention of marrying the King of Euralia. To pretend to +marry him until she brought the King in open conflict with him, and +then having led the King to her feet to dismiss the rival who had +served her turn—that was her only wise course. +

+ +

+She did not come to this conclusion without much thought. She composed +an Ode to Despair, an Elegy to an Unhappy Woman, and a Triolet to +Interfering Dukes, before her mind was made up. She also considered +very seriously what she would look like in a little cottage in the +middle of the forest, dressed in a melancholy grey and holding +communion only with the birds and trees; a life of retirement away +from the vain world; a life into which no man came. It had its +attractions, but she decided that grey did not suit her. +

+ +

+She went down to her garden and sent for Prince Udo. At about the +moment when the King was having the terrible news broken to him, Udo +was protesting over the sundial that he loved Belvane and Belvane +only, and that he was looking forward eagerly to the day when she +would make him the happiest of men. So afraid was he of what might +happen to him on the way back to Araby. +

+ +

+"The Countess Belvane!" cried Merriwig. "Prince Udo marry the +Countess Belvane! I never heard such a thing in my life." He glared +at them one after the other as if it were their fault—as indeed it +was. "Why didn't you tell me this before, Hyacinth?" +

+ +

+"It was only just announced, Father." +

+ +

+"Who announced it?" +

+ +

+"Well—er—Udo did," said Coronel. +

+ +

+"I never heard of anything so ridiculous in my life! I won't have +it!" +

+ +

+"But, Father, don't you think she'd make a very good Queen?" +

+ +

+"She'd make a wonderful—that has nothing to do with it. What I feel +so strongly about is this. For month after month I am fighting in a +strange country. After extraordinary scenes of violence and—peril—I +come back to my own home to enjoy the—er—fruits of victory. No +sooner do I get inside my door than I have all this thrust upon me." +

+ +

+"All what, Father?" said Hyacinth innocently. +

+ +

+"All this," said the King, with a circular movement of his hand. +"It's too bad; upon my word it is. I won't have it. Now mind, +Hyacinth, I won't have it. +

+ +

+"But, Father, how can I help it?" +

+ +

+Merriwig paid no attention to her. +

+ +

+"I come home," he went on indignantly, "fresh from the—er—spoils of +victory to what I thought was my own peaceful—er—home. And what do +I find? Somebody here wants to marry somebody there, and somebody +else over there wants to marry somebody else over here; it's +impossible to mention any person's name, in even the most casual way, +without being told they are going to get married, or some nonsense of +that sort. I'm very much upset about it." +

+ +

+"Oh, Father!" said Hyacinth penitently. "Won't you see the Countess +yourself and talk to her?" +

+ +

+"To think that for weeks I have been looking forward to my return home +and that now I should be met with this! It has quite spoilt my day." +

+ +

+"Father!" cried Hyacinth, coming towards him with outstretched hands. +

+ +

+"Let me send for her ladyship," began Coronel; "perhaps she——" +

+ +

+"No, no," said Merriwig, waving them away. "I am very much displeased +with you both. What I have to do, I can do quite well by myself." +

+ +

+He strode out and slammed the door behind him. +

+ +

+Hyacinth and Coronel looked at each other blankly. +

+ +

+"My dear," said Coronel, "you never told me he was as fond of her as +that." +

+ +

+"But I had no idea! Coronel, what can we do now about it? Oh, I want +him to marry her now. He's quite right—she'll make a wonderful +Queen. Oh, my dear, I feel I want everybody to be as happy as we're +going to be." +

+ +

+"They can't be that, but we'll do our best for them. I can manage Udo +all right. I only have to say 'rabbits' to him, and he'll do anything +for me. Hyacinth, I don't believe I've ever kissed you in this room +yet, have I? Let's begin now." +

+ +

+Merriwig came upon the other pair of lovers in Belvane's garden. They +were sharing a seat there, and Udo was assuring the Countess that he +was her own little Udo-Wudo, and that they must never be away from +each other again. The King put his hand in front of his eyes for a +moment as if he could hardly bear it. +

+ +

+"Why, it's his Majesty," said Belvane, jumping up. She gave him a +deep curtsey and threw in a bewitching smile on the top of it; +formality or friendliness, he could take his choice. "Prince Udo of +Araby, your Majesty." She looked shyly at him and added, "Perhaps you +have heard." +

+ +

+"I have," said the King gloomingly. "How do you do," he added in a +melancholy voice. +

+ +

+Udo declared that he was in excellent health at present, and would +have gone into particulars about it had not the King interrupted. +

+ +

+"Well, Countess," he said, "this is strange news to come back to. +Shall I disturb you if I sit down with you for little?" +

+ +

+"Oh, your Majesty, you would honour us. Udo, dear, have you seen the +heronry lately?" +

+ +

+"Yes," said Udo. +

+ +

+"It looks so sweet just about this time of the afternoon." +

+ +

+"It does," said Udo. +

+ +

+Belvane gave a little shrug and turned to the King. +

+ +

+"I'm so longing to hear all your adventures," she murmured +confidingly. "I got all your messages; it was so good of you to +remember me." +

+ +

+"Ah," said Merriwig reproachfully, "and what do I find when I come +back? I find——" He broke off, and indicated in pantomime with his +eyebrows that he could explain better what he had found if Udo were +absent. +

+ +

+"Udo, dear," said Belvane, turning to him, "have you seen the kennels +lately?" +

+ +

+"Yes," said Udo. +

+ +

+"They look rather sweet just about this time," said Merriwig. +

+ +

+"Don't they?" said Udo. +

+ +

+"But I am so longing to hear," said Belvane, "how your Majesty +defeated the King of Barodia. Was it your Majesty's wonderful spell +which overcame the enemy?" +

+ +

+"You remember that?" +

+ +

+"Remember it? Oh, your Majesty! 'Bo boll——' Udo, dear, wouldn't +you like to see the armoury?" +

+ +

+"No," said Udo. +

+ +

+"There are a lot of new things in it that I brought back from +Barodia," said Merriwig hopefully. +

+ +

+"A lot of new things," explained Belvane. +

+ +

+"I'll see them later on," said Udo. "I dare say they'd look better in +the evening." +

+ +

+"Then you shall show me, your Majesty," said Belvane. "Udo, dear, +you can wait for me here." +

+ +

+The two of them moved off down the path together (Udo taken by +surprise), and as soon as they were out of sight, tiptoed across the +lawn to another garden seat, Belvane leading the way with her finger +to her lips, and Merriwig following with an exaggerated caution which +even Henry Smallnose would have thought overdone. +

+ +

+"He is a little slow, isn't he, that young man?" said the King, as +they sat down together. "I mean he didn't seem to understand—" +

+ +

+"He's such a devoted lover, your Majesty. He can't bear to be out of +my sight for a moment." +

+ +

+"Oh, Belvane, this is a sad homecoming. For month after month I have +been fighting and toiling, and planning and plotting and then—— Oh, +Belvane, we were all so happy together before the war." +

+ +

+Belvane remembered that once she and the Princess and Wiggs had been +so happy together, and that Udo's arrival had threatened to upset it +all. One way and another, Udo had been a disturbing element in +Euralia. But it would not do to let him go just yet. +

+ +

+"Aren't we still happy together?" she asked innocently. "There's her +Royal Highness with her young Duke, and I have my dear Udo, and your +Majesty has the—the Lord Chancellor—and all your Majesty's faithful +subjects." +

+ +

+His Majesty gave a deep sigh. +

+ +

+ +[Illustration: Belvane leading the way with her finger to her lips] + +[Illustration: Merriwig following with an exaggerated caution] +

+ +

+"I am a very lonely man, Belvane. When Hyacinth leaves me I shall +have nobody left." +

+ +

+Belvane decided to risk it. +

+ +

+"Your Majesty should marry again," she said gently. +

+ +

+He looked unutterable things at her. He opened his mouth with the +intention of doing his best to utter some of them, when—— +

+ +

+"Not before Udo," said Belvane softly. +

+ +

+Merriwig got up indignantly and scowled at the Prince as the latter +hurried over the lawn towards them. +

+ +

+"Well, really," said Merriwig, "I never knew such a place. One simply +can't—— Ah, your Royal Highness, have you seen our armoury? I +should say," he corrected himself as he caught Belvane's reproachful +look, "have we seen our armoury? We have. Her ladyship was much +interested." +

+ +

+"I have no doubt, your Majesty." He turned to Belvane. "You will be +interested in our armoury at home, dear." +

+ +

+She gave a quick glance at the King to see that he was looking, and +then patted Udo's hand tenderly. +

+ +

+"Home," she said lovingly, "how sweet it sounds!" +

+ +

+The King shivered as if in pain, and strode quickly from them. +

+ +

+      * * * * *
+

+ +

+"Your Majesty sent for me," said Coronel. +

+ +

+The King stopped his pacings and looked round as Coronel came into the +library. +

+ +

+"Ah, yes, yes," he said quickly. "Now sit down there and make +yourself comfortable. I want to talk to you about this marriage." +

+ +

+"Which one, your Majesty?" +

+ +

+"Which one? Why, of course, yours—that is to say, +Belvane's—or—rather——" He came to a stop in front of Coronel and +looked at him earnestly. "Well, in a way, both." +

+ +

+Coronel nodded. +

+ +

+"You want to marry my daughter," Merriwig went on. "Now it is +customary, as you know, that to the person to whom I give my daughter, +I give also half my kingdom. Naturally before I make this sacrifice I +wish to be sure that the man to whom—well, of course, you +understand." +

+ +

+"That he is worthy of the Princess Hyacinth," said Coronel. "Of +course he couldn't be," he added with a smile. +

+ +

+"And worthy of half the kingdom," amended Merriwig. "That he should +prove himself this is also, I think, customary." +

+ +

+"Anything that your Majesty suggests——" +

+ +

+"I am sure of it." +

+ +

+He drew up a chair next to Coronel's, and sitting down in it, placed +his hand upon his knees and explained the nature of the trial which +was awaiting the successful suitor. +

+ +

+"In the ordinary way," he began, "I should arrange something for you +with a dragon or what-not in it. The knowledge that some such ordeal +lies before him often enables a suitor to discover, before it is too +late, that what he thought was true love is not really the genuine +emotion. In your case I feel that an ordeal of this sort is not +necessary." +

+ +

+Coronel inclined his head gracefully. +

+ +

+"I do not doubt your valour, and from you therefore I ask a proof of +your cunning. In these days cunning is perhaps the quality of all +others demanded of a ruler. We had an excellent example of that," he +went on carelessly, "in the war with Barodia that is just over, where +the whole conflict was settled by a little idea which——" +

+ +

+"A very wonderful idea, your Majesty." +

+ +

+"Well, well," said Merriwig, looking very pleased. "It just happened +to come off, that's all. But that is what I mean when I say that +cunning may be of even more importance than valour. In order to win +the hand of my daughter and half my kingdom, it will be necessary for +you to show a cunning almost more than human." +

+ +

+He paused, and Coronel did his best in the interval to summon up a +look of superhuman guile into his very frank and pleasant countenance. +

+ +

+"You will prove yourself worthy of what you ask me for," said Merriwig +solemnly, "by persuading Prince Udo to return to Araby—alone." +

+ +

+Coronel gasped. The thing was so easy that it seemed almost a shame +to accept it as the condition of his marriage. To persuade Udo to do +what he was only longing to do, did not call for any superhuman +qualities of any kind. For a moment he had an impulse to tell the +King so, but he suppressed it. "After all," he thought, "if the King +wants cunning, and if I make a great business of doing something +absurdly easy, then he is getting it." +

+ +

+Merriwig, simple man, mistook his emotions. +

+ +

+"I see," he said, "that you are appalled by the difficulty of the +ordeal in front of you. You may well be so. You have known his Royal +Highness longer than I have, but even in our short acquaintance I have +discovered that he takes a hint with extraordinary slowness. To bring +it home to him with the right mixture of tact and insistence that +Araby needs his immediate presence—alone—may well tax the most +serpentine of minds." +

+ +

+"I can but try it," said the serpentine one simply. +

+ +

+The King jumped up and shook him warmly by the hand. +

+ +

+"You think you can do it?" he said excitedly. +

+ +

+"If Prince Udo does not start back to Araby to-morrow——" +

+ +

+"Alone," said Merriwig. +

+ +

+"Alone—then I shall have failed in my task." +

+ +

+      * * * * *
+

+ +

+"My dear," said the King to his daughter as she kissed him good-night +that evening, "I believe you are going to marry a very wise young +man." +

+ +

+"Of course I am, Father." +

+ +

+"I only hope you'll be as happy with him as I shall be with—as I was +with your mother. Though how he's going to bring it off," he added to +himself, "is more than I can think." +

+ +


+ +

+ +[Illustration: Same image as for chapter 20] +

+ +

+CHAPTER XXII +

+ +

+THE SEVENTEEN VOLUMES GO BACK AGAIN +

+ +

+King Merriwig of Eastern Euralia sat at breakfast on his castle walls. +He lifted the gold cover from the gold dish in front of him, selected +a trout, and conveyed it carefully to his gold plate. When you have +an aunt—— But I need not say that again. +

+ +

+King Coronel of Western Euralia sat at breakfast on his castle +walls. He lifted the gold cover from the gold dish in front of him, +selected a trout, and conveyed it carefully to his gold plate. When +your wife's father has an aunt—— +

+ +

+Prince Udo of Araby sat at breakfast—— But one must draw the line +somewhere. I refuse to follow Udo through any more meals. Indeed, I +think there has been quite enough eating and drinking in this book +already. Quite enough of everything in fact; but the time has nearly +come to say good-bye. +

+ +

+Let us speed the Prince of Araby first. His departure from Euralia +was sudden; five minutes' conversation with Coronel convinced him that +there had been a mistake about Belvane's feelings for him, and that he +could leave for Araby in perfect safety. +

+ +

+"You must come and see us again," said Merriwig heartily, as he shook +him by the hand. +

+ +

+"Yes, do," said Hyacinth. +

+ +

+There are two ways of saying this sort of thing, and theirs was the +second way. So was Udo's, when he answered that he would be +delighted. +

+ +

+It was just a week later that the famous double wedding was celebrated +in Euralia. As an occasion for speech-making by King Merriwig and +largesse-throwing by Queen Belvane it demanded and (got) a whole +chapter to itself in Roger's History. I have Roger on my side at +last. The virtues he denied to the Countess he cannot but allow to +the Queen. +

+ +

+Nor could Hyacinth resist her any longer. Belvane upon her palfrey, +laughter in her eyes and roses in her cheeks, her lips slightly parted +with eagerness as she flings her silver to the crowd, adorably +conscious of her childishness and yet glorifying in it, could have no +enemies that day. +

+ +

+"She is a dear," said Hyacinth to Coronel. "She will make a wonderful +Queen." +

+ +

+"I know a Queen worth two of her," said Coronel. +

+ +

+"But you do admire her, don't you?" +

+ +

+"Not particularly." +

+ +

+"Oh, Coronel, you must," said Hyacinth, but she felt very happy all +the same. +

+ +

+They rode off the next day to their kingdom. The Chancellor had had +an exciting week; for seven successive evenings he had been extremely +mysterious and reserved to his wife, but now his business was finished +and King Merriwig reigned over Eastern Euralia and King Coronel over +the West. +

+ +

+Let us just take a look at Belvane's diary before we move on to the +last scene. +

+ +

+"Thursday, September 15th," it says. "Became good." +

+ +

+Now for the last scene. +

+ +

+King Merriwig sat in Belvane's garden. They had spent the morning +revising their joint book of poetry for publication. The first set of +verses was entirely Merriwig's own. It went like this: +

+ +

+ Bo, boll, bill, bole.
+ Wo, woll, will, wole.
+

+ +

+A note by the authors called attention to the fact that it could be +begun from either end. The rest of the poems were mainly by Belvane, +Merriwig's share in them consisting of a "Capital," or an "I like +that," when they were read out to him; but an epic commonly attributed +to Charlotte Patacake had crept in somehow. +

+ +

+"A person to see your Majesty," said a flunkey, appearing suddenly. +

+ +

+"What sort of person?" asked Merriwig. +

+ +

+"A sort of person, your Majesty." +

+ +

+"See him here, dear," said Belvane, as she got up. "I have things to +do in the Palace." +

+ +

+She left him; and by and by the flunkey returned with the stranger. +He was a pleasant-looking person with a round clean-shaven face; +something in the agricultural way, to judge from his clothes. +

+ +

+"Well?" said Merriwig. +

+ +

+"I desire to be your Majesty's swineherd," said the other. +

+ +

+"What do you know of swineherding?" +

+ +

+"I have a sort of natural aptitude for it, your Majesty, although I +have never actually been one." +

+ +

+"My own case exactly. Now then, let me see—how would you——" +

+ +

+The stranger took out a large red handkerchief and wiped his forehead. +

+ +

+"You propose to ask me a few questions, your Majesty?" +

+ +

+"Well, naturally, I——" +

+ +

+"Let me beg of you not to. By all you hold sacred let me implore you +not to confuse me with questions." He drew himself up and thumped his +chest with his fist. "I have a feeling for swineherding; it is +enough." +

+ +

+Merriwig began to like the man; it was just how he felt about the +thing himself. +

+ +

+"I once carried on a long technical conversation with a swineherd," he +said reminiscently, "and we found we had much in common. It is an +inspiring life." +

+ +

+"It was in just that way," said the stranger, "that I discovered my +own natural bent towards it." +

+ +

+"How very odd! Do you know, there's something about your face that I +seem to recognise?" +

+ +

+The stranger decided to be frank. +

+ +

+"I owe this face to you," he said simply. +

+ +

+Merriwig looked startled. +

+ +

+"In short," said the other, "I am the late King of Barodia." +

+ +

+Merriwig gripped his hand. +

+ +

+ + + +

+ +

+"My dear fellow," he said. "My very dear fellow, of course you are. +Dear me, how it brings it all back. And—may I say—what an +improvement. Really, I'm delighted to see you. You must tell me all +about it. But first some refreshment." +

+ +

+At the word "refreshment" the late King of Barodia broke down +altogether, and it was only Merriwig's hummings and hawings and +thumpings on the back and (later on) the refreshment itself which kept +him from bursting into tears. +

+ +

+"My dear friend," he said, as he wiped his mouth for the last time, +"you have saved me." +

+ +

+"But what does it all mean?" asked Merriwig in bewilderment. +

+ +

+"Listen and I will tell you," +

+ +

+He told himself of the great resolution to which he had come on that +famous morning when he awoke to find himself whiskerless. Barodia had +no more use for him now as a King, and he on his side was eager to +carve out for himself a new life as a swineherd. +

+ +

+"I had a natural gift," he said plaintively, "an instinctive feeling +for it. I know I had. Whatever they said about it afterwards—and +they said many hard things—I was certain that I had that feeling. I +had proved it, you know; there couldn't be any mistake." +

+ +

+"Well?" +

+ +

+"Ah, but they laughed at me. They asked me confusing questions; +niggling little questions about the things swine ate and—and things +like that. The great principles of swineherding, the—what I may call +the art of herding swine, the whole theory of shepherding pigs in a +broad-minded way, all this they ignored. They laughed at me and +turned me out with jeers and blows—to starve." +

+ +

+Merriwig patted him sympathetically, and pressed some more food on +him. +

+ +

+"I ranged over the whole of Barodia. Nobody would take me in. It is +a terrible thing, my dear Merriwig, to begin to lose faith in +yourself. I had to tell myself at last that perhaps there was +something about Barodian swine which made them different from those of +any other country. As a last hope I came to Euralia; if here too I +was spurned, then I should know that——" +

+ +

+"Just a moment," said Merriwig, breaking in eagerly. "Who was this +swineherd that you talked to——" +

+ +

+"I talked to so many," said the other sadly. "They all scoffed at +me." +

+ +

+"No, but the first one; the one that showed you that you had a bent +towards it. Didn't you say that——" +

+ +

+"Oh, that one. That was at the beginning of our war. Do you remember +telling me that your swineherd had an invisible cloak? It was he +that——" +

+ +

+Merriwig looked at him sadly and shook his head. +

+ +

+"My poor friend," he said, "it was me." +

+ +

+They gazed at each other earnestly. Each of them was going over in +his mind the exact details of that famous meeting. +

+ +

+"Yes," they murmured together, "it was us." +

+ +

+The King of Barodia's mind raced on through all the bitter months that +had followed; he shivered as he thought of the things he had said; the +things that had been said to him seemed of small account now. +

+ +

+"Not even a swineherd!" he remarked. +

+ +

+"Come, come," said Merriwig, "look on the bright side; you can always +be a King again." +

+ +

+The late King of Barodia shook his head. +

+ +

+"It's a come down to a man with any pride," he said. "No, I'll stick +to my own job. After all, I've been learning these last weeks; at any +rate I know that what I do know isn't worth knowing, and that's +something." +

+ +

+"Then stay with me," said Merriwig heartily. "My swineherd will teach +you your work, and when he retires you can take it on." +

+ +

+"Do you mean it?" +

+ +

+"Of course I do. I shall be glad to have you about the place. In the +evening, when the pigs are asleep, you can come in and have a chat +with us." +

+ +

+"Bless you," said the new apprentice; "bless you, your Majesty." +

+ +

+They shook hands on it. +

+ +

+"My dear," said Merriwig to Belvane that evening, "you haven't married +a very clever fellow. I discovered this afternoon that I'm not even +as clever as I thought I was." +

+ +

+"You don't want cleverness in a King," said Belvane, smiling lovingly +at him, "or in a husband." +

+ +

+"What do you want then?" +

+ +

+"Just dearness," said Belvane. +

+ +

+

+ +

+

+ +

+And now my story is done. With a sigh I unload the seventeen volumes +of Euralian History from my desk, carrying them one by one across the +library and placing them carefully in the shelf which has been built +for them. For some months they have stood a rampart between me and +the world, behind which I have lived in far-off days with Merriwig and +Hyacinth and my Lady Belvane. The rampart is gone, and in the bright +light of to-day which streams on to my desk the vision slowly fades. +Once on a time . . +

+ +

+Yet I see one figure clearly still. He is tall and thin, with a white +peaked face of which the long inquisitive nose is the outstanding +feature. His hair is lank and uncared for; his russet smock, tied in +at the waist, wants brushing; his untidy cross-gartered hose shows up +the meagerness of his legs. No knightly figure this, yet I look upon +him very tenderly. For it is Roger Scurvilegs on his way to the +Palace for news. +

+ +

+To Roger too I must say good-bye. I say it not without remorse, for I +feel that I have been hard upon the man to whom I owe so much. +Perhaps it will not be altogether good-bye; in his seventeen volumes +there are many other tales to be found. Next time (if there be a next +time) I owe it to Roger to stand aside and let him tell the story more +in his own way. I think he would like that. +

+ +

+But it shall not be a story about Belvane. I saw Belvane (or some one +like her) at a country house in Shropshire last summer, and I know +that Roger can never do her justice. +

+ +

+ +[Illustration: Roger Scurvilegs] +

+ +



+ +

+[Illustration: Back endpaper, verso] +[Illustration: Back endpaper, recto] +

+ +


+ +

+[Illustration: Back cover] +

+ +



+` diff --git a/heffalump.go b/heffalump.go new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bec1f6b --- /dev/null +++ b/heffalump.go @@ -0,0 +1,44 @@ +package main + +import ( + "flag" + "fmt" + "log" + "net/http" + "os" + + "github.com/carlmjohnson/heffalump/heff" +) + +const usage = `Usage of heffalump: + +heffalump [ []] + + heffalump serves an endless HTTP honeypot + + defaults to ":8080". + + defaults to "/". Paths ending in "/" will match all sub-pathes. +` + +func main() { + flag.Usage = func() { + fmt.Fprintf(os.Stderr, usage) + } + flag.Parse() + + addr := flag.Arg(0) + if addr == "" { + addr = ":8080" + } + + path := flag.Arg(1) + if path == "" { + path = "/" + } + + http.HandleFunc(path, heff.Honeypot) + + log.Fatal(http.ListenAndServe(addr, nil)) + +}